Mother Is Mentally Ill-Won't Get Help-What Should I do? - Mental Health Message Board

panthers78 · 08-10-2007, 01:37 AM

Here is the situation. My mother was hospitalized back in 1988 for mental illness. ..I was 10 years old at the time..She exhibited bizzare behavior and was not taking care of herself. She was very angry at everyone, including her own family and my dad's family..for no reason..she would have angry outbursts and say nasty things..none of which were true..and none which made any sense..it was pure rambling at times..and she would bring up totally irrelevant things..like for example..when you started trying to talk to her about getting help or her problems..she would bring up the fact someone outside of the family and totally not relevant to the situation sold drugs or did another bad thing..at the time my dad was still around and he was able to 302 her in PA..she went in..was diagnosed as bipolar..came out of the hospital and was fine for about 12 years and she was not on any type of medication..She is a nurse and worked at a rehab center close to home

In 2000, my grandfather (her father) passed away from prostate cancer..right after he died we noticed a change in her..She wasn't taking care of herself..she was exhbiting bizarre behavior again..angry outbursts towards anyone who tried to help her....such as putting tape on ordinary .seemed to be in another world..Her place of employment made her get help and made her get time off but this time it did not appear to do any good..She was fired and has been working as an aide or LPN ever since..with no benefits..she can't find a full time job that is par for her experience (25 +years as a nurse)..working beneath her level..but she hasn't looked but looking at her..I am not sure if I would honestly hire her..she doesn't look well..She doesn't take care of her teeth..sleeps all of the time..She will sit in the kitchen and scribble for hours and make weird facial movements..she will "slam" everything.doors..cabinets..whatever..sh e has abnomral sleep patterns..She refuses to get help and gets very angry if you even suggest it...she doesn't open her mail..doesn't pay her taxes..if i had not been snooping through her stuff and opening her mail. the house would have went up for sheriff sale..I paid the taxes for her...She doesn't talk to anyone..has no friends..very cluttered/messy house..looks like she doesn't take care of herself

Here is the situation. I moved back into try to help her. I had been living away from the house up until about 3 years ago..I am 29 year old male..and I feel like I have had to put my life on hold because of this. I am not sure what else I can do..I am an only child so there is no one else to help..my parents are divorced, and my mother will not properly talk to her mother or her sister..
I have called all of the state agencies and advocates I could about getting her forced help..they said there was nothing I could do unless she was a clear and present danger to herself..apparently the standards for forced hospitalization have increased..back in 1988 the standard was general dysfunction..now the standard is much higher..the clear and present danger standard...I am not sure what to do...

She isn't getting better..she refuses to get help..she is behind on her other taxes, and we can't keep bailing her out with the taxes..she doesn't talk to anyone. She doesn't open mail..She is not functional..She will lose the house if move on and forget about her...I am not sure where she will go..possibly the high rise..I tried to talk her into that now..into claiming disability but she refuses..so it is like going in circles with her..you try to get her to a place i..e the highrise where she will have a roof over her head and she refuses.she doesn't want to get help

But would I be a bad son if I moved on and just let whatever is going to happen happen? I can't keep perpetually putting my life on hold..I am not getting any younger..I hate to just let whatever is going to happen happen, but I am not sure what to do. I have put going back for my MBA on hold since I am afraid she will become homeless in the middle of the program and I will have to leave the program..with alot of debt....so I am really getting messed up here.. Any suggestions would be appreciated

Jim

gardenandcats · 08-10-2007, 06:57 AM

Call your local mental health crisis number .Discuss this problem with them. What they will suggest is you taking her to your local ER.Then they will meet you there after talking with you and her they will determine she is a danger to herself you may have to stretch the truth abit and say she is talking about ending her life. Do what you have to and then they will blue paper her which means they will put her in a mental health ward in the hospital without her permission. There they will evalute her and make her take the meds she needs.This will hopefully get her on the road to recovery.If she will not let you take her to the local er then they will ask you to call the local police and tell them whats going on and they will take her in for you. I know this is hard for you to do but it needs to be done. Your mom can lead a much better life .But only is she takes the proper meds.
Insurance or not don't worry about that.Most hospitals heave a program that helps pay for this. talk with the socail workers office at the hospital about this.They will fill out the forms to get the assistance with paying.She might also be able to get state insurance depends which state you live in.
I know this is very hard for you. But your mom can live a much better life by talking meds to help this.

panthers78 · 08-10-2007, 11:23 AM

Thanks for your response, but she is not suicidal..just not functional..that is the problem..if she was suicidal I could get her help, but she is not..she is just really out of it and exhibiting bizzarre behaviors..She doesn't open mail..just sits there and doodles and has abnormal sleep patters..doesn't take care of herself..slams stuff around..etc.. but the advocate told me as long as she is not going to hurt herself or someone else they can't make her do anything..so she could be acting totally weird and nothing can be done

jendg28 · 08-10-2007, 01:54 PM

Have you thought about a halfway house? I would call the crisis hotline back and see if they have any information about them in her area. If she won't cooperate, you really can't do anything though. If she in fact does have Bipolar, it probably won't be long before she is suicidal. I would watch her closely. I have Bipolar Disorder and I have not had any of the symptoms you described.

panthers78 · 08-10-2007, 05:37 PM

I will see what I can do..I honestly do not think she is bipolar..I think she may have a type of schizofrenia..Not everyone who is schizo hears/sees things..she has exhbited alot of the behaviors I have seen listed for this type of schizofrenia..I also know people who are bipolar and none of them have her bizarre behaviors and "tics"...she seems to always be in another world..she shuffles her feet when she walks and makes weird movements with her mouth all of the time.

Here is a link to an external source..it is not a commercial site so I hope this isn't against the rules..it's from the government...

[url]http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/000937.htm[/url]