Caregiver310

Hi. I just joined today and I need help. I have been on other boards on other sites and I have gotten nowhere. I have been with my husband almost 11 years and I love him dearly. I do believe he has a disorder of some sort and I just don't know which one clearly. These are the symptoms I see:

1)Delusional; I can see or do something ordinary, and he will come up with another reason out of the blue that has NOTHING at all relevant to the situation at hand, and some of the things he comes out with are so off the wall
2)Anxiety/panic attacks; for what I see as no reason, all of a sudden again out of the blue he will start to panic. Heavy breathing, making moutains out of less than molehills, and this strange thing that I call "overtopping". Like, he'll go to reach for a pen, and instead of just grabbing the pen he'll, on purpose, knock over what ever is in front of the pen. Like it's a huge effort to grab what he needs and he has to make a dramatic scene like it's the biggest deal ever and why are these THINGS in my way, which they never are
3)Dramatic displays; last night, for instance, around 7:30 pm I asked if we could go and get a pack of cigarettes (if I ask to stop in the morning on the way to work, it's "I'l be late, I have to rush now because of you, you have to take care of your own needs" and the rage driving). I asked him while he was playing his guitar (my mistake #1). Well, I was the biggest ^%$#@! ever, I am a piece of ^%$^, I got in the way of his music (priority #1), why is he always at my beck and call (THAT sent me wayyyyyyyy over the edge), and blah blah blah. I figured it was the less of 2 evils. I was wrong again. What could have been a 5 minute trip up the block turned into not talking to me other than to curse and call me names. The whole beck and call thing killed me. To digress, I work 9 hours a day, 7 days a week. I do all laundry, cooking, dog keeping, etc. Yes, he fixes around the house, but I go nonstop from 3:30 am until I go to bed, which is usually 9:30-10pm, to get up 5 or so hours later and do it all over again. I am tired and achy all the time, and no one listens to me, so I endure what I have to. (He is a part-time schoolbus driver, which he loves doing and that is important, because he doesn't complain about it).
4)Paranoia; paranoid about everything. EVERYTHING. With reason, I don't actually know. But it hurts me to be accused of this and that while I am at work busting my hump every day.

So, does any of this sound familiar to anyone? What can this be? I am at the end of the rope this morning, and I really need help. I am so worn down and depressed all the time and I don't feel so good lately. My legs have been bruising for no reason, I have headaches all the time, and my workload has more than doubled thanks to lazy people I work with. Please help me if you can. Thanks.

Caregiver
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