bmrsrip

These are some things that I have been experiencing over the years, and I am still not sure what to do or exactly what I have. I will list some of these and if someone could give me some insight to what might possibly be going on I would be very thankful.

1) Paranoid: I feel like people are talking about me a lot of the time, or if I hear people laughing sometimes I think it is about me. I feel like I am being followed by spirits and that something of a supernatural form is always around me and/or always watching me.
2) ANGER : I feel sometimes that I cannot control my anger. I have gotten in many physical fights some of which I have gotten in trouble by the law. When these have happened I have blacked out to the point where I do not know what I am doing. I get angry over the stupidest, tiniest little things. I get EXTREMELY irritated all the time and the stress and ANXIETY are almost unbearable. I get stressed out sometimes for no reason.
3) ANXIETY: I get very bad panic attacks, sometimes to the point where I almost pass out. I have fainted once from one and it was at the wheel while I was driving, if someone else wasn't in the car I would have been dead. I get panic attacks when I feel closed in or trapped.
4) Depression: I get very bad bouts of depression where I get upset extremely easily and it branches off to thinking about everything that is going on in my life which leads to anger, breaking things, and sometimes I get very suicidal.
5) Drug/Alcohol Use: I used to abuse alcohol very badly. I have gotten a million times better with that, but now I have turned to marijuana. I feel like I need marijuana to calm me down, and to sleep at night by because I cannot sleep because of the paranoia.
6) Sleep: When I do sleep, I have very vivid, VERY ODD, and sometimes extremely frightening dreams. I have had dreams where I felt as if I was dying and I could feel it actually happening to me. Sometimes when i try to wake up I am frozen and cannot move or speak. I have had dreams like this where I see something above me holding me down taking whatever it is out of me and trying to strangle me and throwing me around the room.

I tried to go to a psychologist and went through intake and was told after two weeks of waiting going through a difficult period of time that they could not give me treatment and that they suggest I go to a substance abuse counselor. I do not need a substance abuse counselor, all I need is therapy and then I wont need any substances! I do not have time to go through another intake because I have school every day. My doctors have also prescribed me depression medication in the past, every single one resulting in sexual side effects. Someone please help me and give me some insight on what to do! Thank you.