sanan22

sorry for the long read
I know this might sound like a personality disorder but I scored low on PD tests

I'm a 20 YO male and I have a problem. I feel that something deep inside me is having some rapid, big changes and these changes are so big and rapid that I have lost contact with the *original me*. I can't reconize my self anymore

highlights:-
some background:-
I'm the last child in my family. during my childhood I was very social, fun and smart person. I was interested in math, physics and geology and I started reading advanced math at the age of 9. I was very active socially too but I wasn't into sport. I had my first *girlfriend* at the age of 8 and people used to call me *a player* until 2003.
on 2003 I started feeling the change. at start I became attracted to a girl who was totally different from me and had NO idea why I think this girl is attractive. but this was only the beginning. same year I totally lost interest for math and physics and my classes turned into disaster. later on I started *feeling empty-minded*...I didn't know what I like or hate, or what my interests were. I had no opinions about anything and I had nothing to say even though I talk to my self 24/7. I hated most my interests but I didn't know any better.
later this opposite sex attraction continued but at that time I was very shy and sort of afraid of having that sort of contact. I even remember having 8 girls sitting all around me in the class but later I heard these girls telling everyone I'm gay (which I'm not). meawhile I was interested in other girls but I had one big question to my self: why do I think they are atractive?
later I started reading philosophy, art, history, social science, natural science related books and many others like poetry stuff for example. I became very open to everything.

late 2005 until early 2007:
I started getting very depressed because of these big changes and the emptiness i felt inside me. as I mentioned I had nothing to say and when being asked something, the *old me* used to give up. so I got a storm of thought and information in my mind. those were very fast and unclear. but the *new me* used them to get to his point. I felt like another person is being developed deep inside me and that I was 2 persons at the same time.
I was using the words of the *new me*. but I didn't know what my opinions were until I had finnished expressing them. these stuff were very smart tho

on 2006 I started thinking I have personality disorder. so I used online tests...but they all gave me different results. later i found I large PD test online...I scored 35% and lower on all PD's
early 2007 was about the end of the worst as the changes slowed down.

at that point I was like a house trapped in a 4 year lasting tornado.

now:

2007 was *rebuilding year* and 2008 will be.
I still have social problems. I'm atracted to difference not likeness (as opposed to everyone i know)...while likeness being very boring.
I'm very carefull and I afraid of caring about anything...I constantly have thoughts of *regret caring* and I block my feelings because I think I'll do crazy things if I let them out.
I don't have any friends because of the points i mentioned above. and I'm sick of it and I need help

thanks for reading and responding