Is there a quarter life crisis??? - Mental Health Message Board

bendb · 04-04-2008, 12:41 PM

Hello all,

I am 23 and utterly confused. I recently graduated from college and I don't like the way things are going for me. I thought that by 23 I'd have things figured out, at least a little bit, and be moving towards my future, but that is not the case. I took what most would call an excellent job out of college, but I find it unfulfilling and I'm getting to the point where I just flat out don't like it. I finally broke up with my controlling and selfish gf that I'd been dating for years, but although I don't really miss her I don't like being alone. I'm a shy person who doesn't easily meet other people. I've been living in a new town where I don't know anyone for about 6 months and I still don't know many people. Some days are ok, but some days I get a feeling inside of me that I can't begin to describe - like I'm wasting precious time. I need a change and I need it soon! Lately I've been pondering the idea of moving across the country and going back to school. I know it sounds kind of drastic, but the more I think about it the more I like the sound. I am young and would like to live somewhere around home one day, but I would like to see the country and if not know then when? Am I crazy for wanting to make this drastic of a change or should I follow that voice in my head and go for it? Is it normal to be so completely confused at this age? I just don't want to make another mistake to compund this mess that has become my life. Everyone says not to worry the pieces will fall into place, but I sure haven't seen any sign of it yet.

trg247 · 04-04-2008, 12:51 PM

It is actually pretty common. Your at a stage where it basically is the start of a new life phase, your career phase will call it, where you are trying to figure out what you want to do for the next forty years of your life and needless to say it is rather overwhelming. I guess the best advice is do something that you want to do. Money is nice and all but does not mean much when your miserable. The same can be said for meeting people find something you like to do then do it and at the same time you will meet people with similar interests. Not really sure whether this is going to be helpful or not.

take care
trg247

Musical_Muse · 04-13-2008, 01:06 PM

Bend B--

Yes, I have heard of the Quarter Life Crisis, and I am also in the throws of it atm

. I am a 28 year old woman, and I have a good job with a federal agency as a clerk. So far in my life, I have tried different types of careers: at first, I wanted to be a psychologist (which I never really tried since I switched majors before I completed this degree), that gave way to my desire to teach young children, then I wanted to be in the medical field. Sufficed to say, I have two college degrees and experience in different fields.

Right now, I'm living at home again (which can be incredibly irritating and frustrating all by itself

) while I look for another apartment. I sometimes feel that I have wasted parts of my life, feel sad that I can't get that time back and, like you, I don't want to waste any more precious time. It can be emotionally overwhelming at times, and cause me to feel angry and remorseful...I even go as far as to silently apologize to myself for wasting time. I see people that I have known with children and husbands, and I think that could have been me if only I had been more focused. I also know that I have no problem finding men to date so, when I find the right guy (and I am picky

), I probably won't have too much trouble making this a reality...it's something that I had wished for myself since I was a little girl, and I apologize to myself sometimes that I still have not done it.

Quite frankly, it's hard for me to believe that I'm nearly 30 years old since I don't feel this old by a long shot. I feel like I am only 23 to 25 years old at the most. Of course, I feel better knowing that some of my friends also feel this way

.

Trust me when I tell you that you are not alone. According to things that I have heard and read, many people our age feel this way. There is a very real phase of life called The Quarter Life Crisis. Actually, I am thinking about seeing if I can find a book about it. If I do, I would be happy to share the title of the book with you

.

Peace,
Colleen

cinemachick · 04-17-2008, 08:49 AM

Wow...quarter life crisis. Mine should be coming up in a few years (I'm 21).

However, I think I'm going to avoid it, because I decided not to go to college. I was not going to waste time and money to feel around for a major that will someday have no relevance to my career whatsoever. I feel that some people are making a serious mistake of going to college when they don't know what they want to do in life. I believe this choice should be made later in life.

I'm seeing my peers crash and burn for not waiting to discover their true aspirations. They never took the time to travel or to try an entry-level job and work their way up or get their realtor's license and save up some money for school if they find that college is really what they need or want.

I'm getting married next month (not contradicting myself, I've known the guy for eight years now), and I'm glad I waited on pursuing a career. I would have been very unhappy.

But you're 23, and still young and have the right to delay making these adult decisions. Find a job, any job, and find something you enjoy during your free time. It will give you time to reflect upon yourself which path you want to chose. Both I and my fiance have done this, and I am thankful that we did. He (at 21) is running a small business, and has decided to get a degree in programming, so he meets the qualifications to get an entry-level job. He wants to do this because of his deep passion for programming. Even though he could have pursued it right away, he waited, and I'm happy he did.

I would suggest making that move, but not going back to school (it's a trap!)
You would be backpeddling there!

Don't hate me, because I am being preachy, especially since I am younger than you. Wait for something until you just can't stand waiting anymore. It is something I am so grateful that I have learned so early in life.

shorebird · 04-17-2008, 12:45 PM

You are still young enough that I don't think any decision you make will be a bad one. My only advice would be to go with your gut and trust that things will become more clear to you soon. Short of that make lists of the pos and negs to various options and then make an informed decision. You'll be fine.