Why do I continue to sabotage myself? - Mental Health Message Board

bcwooley · 06-23-2008, 07:56 AM

I have been losing weight and trying to get healthy and happy for the past few months. I have done so well and now, I am suddenly remembering things I did 40 years ago or more and condemning myself for them. I had blocked these things out for many years and now here they come just when I am starting to recover. (my husband died 2 1/2 years ago) What is up with that? It isn't like they can be changed now. WHY CAN'T I JUST FORGET AND GO ON WITH MY LIFE? These are cruel things, for instance when I was 20 I beat my little poodle with a broomstick and I hurt him so bad he died! How do I change that now? I was abused all my life by every man but my last husband and now I am doing it to myself. Please help me.

song4persephone · 06-27-2008, 05:36 PM

That is a good question. I know for me when I do that that often I am afraid of the good things that are going on in my life. That somehow I feel I deserve to be treated badly even if it means that I must do it myself. Do you think that this is possible? So getting out of it takes real determination and work. For me, it is retraining the mind not to focus on those things and to keep reminding myself I have paid for those mistakes and I don't need to keep paying for them. That I do need and am entitled to being happy. Take care.

bcwooley · 06-30-2008, 07:47 AM

Thank you for the reply. That does sound like something I would probably do to myself.

mimgregg · 08-11-2008, 12:09 AM

You have learned and will continue to learn from your past, but you deserve a happy life. It sounds like your physical "remodel" has disturbed the ghosts of past. Tell the ghosts to take a hike and continue on with your progress. We all make mistakes, but it is how we are remembered at the end that leaves the stong memory.
Mim Gregg

mail04 · 08-11-2008, 11:05 AM

I think it has a lot to do with abuse. Im going through the same thing, bringing up past mistakes and letting them haunt me. I was never abused but had a very hard upbringing where i was punished for every mistake. Now that lifes going good it dosnt feel right, like i keep waiting for something to go wrong. So i feel bad for past mistakes since there is nothing wrong now. It will take some time and understanding. No one is perfect, we all mistakes. Make amends and move on.