My life is falling apart... help? - Mental Health Message Board

Justforshow · 06-25-2008, 06:36 PM

I've never posted on these forums before, but I just joined because I feel like I need somebody to talk to/get advice from... without paying counselors' fees

If anyone's willing to read all this and tell me what you think then thank you!
This time last year I was happy... I had a good job that paid well enough, was in a steady relationship, had close friends, loved where I was living, etc.
In September I moved to a new city (smaller, crapier, worse weather, and generally depressing) because my boyfriend was living there and we had been semi-long distance for 2 and a half years. I enrolled for a 1-year University course and lived in a dorm there. Basically, I hated it from the start.. I tried to make new friends and gave up soon after, I rarely slept because of noise, I missed my old friends/family, and my boyfriend and I fought all the time. Things got better for a bit once I moved into a new apartment, but then, about a month ago it all got way worse.
My boyfriend and I broke up. We were always fighting and making each other unhappy. I had started going out partying with new friends from class and he would get so mad, calling me a 'bar *' and a 'typical *', and such... those who know me know that is definitely not the case.. but anwyay, i had become way too jealous in the relationship and I will admit that it was (largely) my fault that our relationship ended.
So there was the end of a 3-year (and my first 'real') relationship, my grandmother died a few weeks ago, my ex still texts me these horrible messages on occasion, any of the friends I did have here I've lost, as they were mutual friends of my ex and they sided with him.
Im tired all the time, I'm really only happy when im drinking (although I wouldnt say the alcohol is a problem, as I dont drink too often), I dont have any friends, I start crying randomly and cant stop. Then today I quit my practicum because I couldnt handle the stress and now I feel like a failure. I dont know what to do with my life, I'm always tired, I have a huge student loan. Basically I feel like im just drifting with no real direction. I want to pack up and leave the country but i cant afford it. My family isnt far away so I go to them for support but they can only do so much. I've found a new guy but it's really just because I miss my ex and I know that's not fair to him so I feel bad. I feel like im going crazy. Also both sides of my family have a history of mental health problems, so I'm scared.

//end rant

music47 · 06-25-2008, 10:17 PM

Just

I am sorry you are dealing with so much. Have you thought about going back to the city where you onced lived and loved living there? You mentioned you had a good job there and had good friends. My prayers are with you. Hope you'll stay in touch.

Nadine

song4persephone · 06-27-2008, 05:59 PM

It sounds like the initial problem was stress that after that maybe some possible depression issues. Though it is just a guess and not a medical authoritive one either. Sounds like moving back to where you started might be the best solution. That is unless you want to stay where you are at. Maybe getting back to the places you know, the friends you hung with, and so forth might do you a world of good. Are there other things that are going on? Problems sleeping? Seeing or hearing things? Suicidal thoughts? just asking.

eaglewinyan · 07-03-2008, 10:50 AM

I would say go to a counselor, it sounds like depression, and changing places won't help that, although having more support would help, so maybe changing places for more support would help; yet it sounds like you need to deal with the underlying depression and stress first of all - otherwise new relationships won't work, school will be too difficult, etc...... just my two cents

Drifter09sm · 07-04-2008, 12:22 AM

Hey hang in there. You'll find a spark eventually. Sometimes we waste so much energy looking at the mess we've made that all that energy could have been used to reveal where you can be tomorrow. But your just at the beginning of your story, if your issues of depression are server, get aid, just be stronge.. intime you'll find something that'll make it all the worth for not looking back. Good luck.