help with xwife and her mental problems - Mental Health Message Board

rita62 · 06-30-2008, 02:42 PM

Hi, I met my now husband in 2000. He was divorced and had been for almost two years when I met him.
I was still going through my divorce when we met. So we took it slow. We both had children and didn't want to move too fast.
after 6years of dating we were married. His ex wife would drag him into court for nothing. The judge remember them and ordered all to have psychological evals done.
When it was all said and done. He was awarded sole custody of both of his children (boy was 14 girl was 10) She was diganoised "significant psychological dysfunction" She failed all of her test and was considered "extremely idiosyncratic, suspicious, overely sensitive and a hostile individual. always paranoid. This was in 2005 and 2006.

She has been very hateful through emails. refusing to pay her portion of dental and medical bills. The daughter still visit every other weekend and the mother always questins her about things at our home and her son. She will be 14 in jan. We are seeing some changes in the daughters attitude when she returns home. Distant, quiet. she usually gets back to herself by the next day.
We feel the mother is playing mind games with the daughter. buying her expensive gifts, allowing her on the computer, allowing her to drive etc.
Can any one give me any suggestions on what we could do or maybe stay a step ahead of her?

Any suggestion would be appreciated.

Thanks,

Rita

song4persephone · 07-06-2008, 09:21 PM

My bf is going through the same thing with his ex wife. The hate filled emails and texts never seem to end. I see and hear the pain in his voice on how much she hurts him. With a child involved it makes it harder to cut off contact with her. Otherwise he would I believe do that very thing. Is there a way they can supervise the visits she has with the children? Since she seems to be doing more damage then not. Maybe the kids need someone professional to talk to about the things they are feeling and dealing with. I am sure that it must be very hard on them. With someone so unstable I think it is going to be hard to stay a step ahead of her. However, as a unit you can both come together to figure out how to handle the hate she sends. The children come first and she sounds like she is doing damage. Do either of them want to visit with her? Or are they doing it cause they feel they have no other choice or because she is mom? I wish I could offer more other then I know how it feels to be in a position where the ex is not only harrassing but also doing more harm then anything else.

rita62 · 07-08-2008, 07:01 AM

sorry to hear you and your boyfriend are having a simular situation. I would not wish that on any one.
Both children have had GAL's 2 separate ones because she didn't like what the 1st one said and wanted a new one. We agreed. The 2nd one found the same problems.
The son has not seen her in 4 years. Per his wishes. The daughter is seeing her but only goes because the mother makes her feel guilty. She is 13 (soon to be 14) and really wishes she could just go occaionally. The GAL's were dismissed from the case when it became final so my husband would have to bring her to court again to get NO visists. It's sad to say because I feel children do need their mothers but I am witness with my own eyes and ears that these children are better off without her and will be this way until the mother can get some help.
It's a long hard battle, very expensive. So make sure your bf knows what he's getting into. If the judge hadn't ordered evals the children would probably still be there. So said. We pray each day that they will over come the pain she has caused them.

Good luck with your situation. and thanks for your reply.