In a Nutshell - - Mental Health Message Board

Trang123 · 07-21-2008, 03:26 AM

Hi,

In a nutshell. I was adopted by gran on dad side, bio mom wanted nothing to do wtih me. bio dad kept away, gran was abusive, daily beatings, then she committed suicide in front of me at age 14. I married for 22 years at age 17 to abusive controlling man. little son of mine died at age 6 severe rare disorder. I am divorced now....8 years later, I get panic attacks, don't trust anyone, am unable to get into a relationship, in one now, but freak out because he is always coming around and not giving me space or my time. I need a huge amount of time alone, or I get very aggressive inside. To me men just want to control and their ego trips don't amuse me. apologies to men out there, no insult directed at you guys, I am just stating ones I happened to have attracted.I recently moved to another country adn this has flipped me over the edge. I am depressed adn miseralbe all the time. Last time I got excited was many eyars ago. I know deep inside the sad life I live is not normal. is this from the abuse and trauma from years ago and can I get help. Thanks

negot · 07-21-2008, 10:11 AM

You have been through so much in your life that it is no wonder that you feel so hopeless. At least you managed to get away from your abusive ex husband. I am sorry I can't give you any good advice. I am myself in a bad marriage, not knowing how to get out. I wish you the best of luck!

Trang123 · 07-21-2008, 03:39 PM

Thanks for your reply Nelli. sorry to hear you in same boat...not good. I wish you all the luck and hope you eventually find happiness. It's gotta be out there somewhere :-)

negot · 07-22-2008, 10:46 PM

Hi Trang, I am just wondering how you are doing. I am sorry I couldn't offer you some comfort. How are you dealing with your pain. I am also so sorry about your child. That has to be the worst a human being can experience, losing a child. How are you getting adjusted to your new place of living? I moved too, but for me it was 17 years ago. I tried to escape my problems, but have realized that I carry my problems with me wherever I go. I Have just started reading a book that I want to recommend to you. It is called "Reinventing Your Life". It seems good and different than other self help books I've read in the past.

waratah · 08-10-2008, 01:40 AM

Hi Trang123

,
I've just been reading your posts, and noticed that you're seemingly in quite a bit of pain and turmoil at the moment. I can not imagine your pain of loosing a child so young, but my mother had to deal with this, when my younger brother died aged 5 - (I was 7-8)

Of course it tore her appart, father disappeared to begin new relationship on other side of country, leaving mentally ill mother to care for two kids, which was a complete disaster. She did try her best, but without family support or true friends the going was rough, and she fell into deep dispair, and many suicide attempts in front of me. She returned to UK when I was 15 leaving me with step-mom and Father - not good at all!

I hope you might be able to reach out and connect with some help at your new location. I imagine that finances are a bit tight, and social networks a bit slim, but please try anyway you know how to connect with good people and avoid as best you canthose self serving individuals who will use your emotional resources. Perhaps there is a local group you might join through the local community centre, or local council. Or even to sign up for some volunteering duties in a community organisation of your choosing, animals, envorinment, landcare, conservation, feeding the homeless, children's services, services for the elderly etc.
I too, have had a bit of a troubled disrupted childhood, I'm now 47 years old, married, 4 kids, working P/T, but also feeling just awful. Recently Dx Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, but finding psychological problems are the most debilitating to deal with. Fortunatley, after a bit of searching and trial and error, I now have good medical care, a great GP, a 'lady shrink', ednocrinologist, and a very cheeky neurologist. It has taken about 12-18 months to get this going, so I't didn't happen overnight, and there were more than many 'dark nights of the soul'.

So, I came across a quote recently that I'd like to share and it goes like this:-
“people may not have caused all their own problems but they have to solve them anyway” (Linehan, 1993.p.107)
Do take good care of yourself, and let us know how you're getting on,
Regards, Waratah