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Old 11-25-2008, 05:09 PM   #1
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Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?

 
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Old 11-25-2008, 09:07 PM   #2
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Hello,

If I were you, I'd see a tdoc (therapist) so you can talk out your problems and pinpoint exactly what causes your anger.

I have bipolar disorder which causes me to have extreme mood swings from mania, high energy levels and restlessness to depression and irritability. I've found therapy to be of tremendous help in keeping me grounded, maintaining some degree of control over my emotions and discussing what triggers my irritability.

You might also consider seeing a pdoc (psychiatrist) to see if he/she can prescribe an antidepressant which could keep your anger in check and help you feel better.

By the way, if you're feeling angry, sad and tired, those are all symptoms of major depressive disorder (mdd).

There's also a possibility that you could have bipolar (provided that you also experience symptoms of mania: high energy levels, restlessness, extreme happiness).

Good luck.
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Old 11-26-2008, 01:42 AM   #3
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by w2bh09 View Post
Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad?
Wow, that's a textbook description of depression.

You don't have to live like this - if you had a giant tic sucking the life out of you you'd go to a doctor and have it removed immediately - depression is a parasite, it's stealing your life from you, go to a psychiatrist or a prescribing therapist and get it "removed"! Talk therapy or meds or both, whatever you need. You'll be happy again, I promise.

This webpage on Women and Depression has info and how/where to get help info: [url]http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-every-woman-should-know/summary.shtml[/url]

PS: You may want to get your thyroid levels checked first. Thyroid disorders often strike after pregnancy, called Postpartum Thyroiditis, and if left untreated they can cause irritable depression.

Last edited by AuntieLeela; 11-26-2008 at 01:56 AM. Reason: Add Post Script

 
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Old 11-26-2008, 11:20 AM   #4
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

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Originally Posted by AuntieLeela View Post
Wow, that's a textbook description of depression.

You don't have to live like this - if you had a giant tic sucking the life out of you you'd go to a doctor and have it removed immediately - depression is a parasite, it's stealing your life from you, go to a psychiatrist or a prescribing therapist and get it "removed"! Talk therapy or meds or both, whatever you need. You'll be happy again, I promise.

This webpage on Women and Depression has info and how/where to get help info: [url]http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/depression-what-every-woman-should-know/summary.shtml[/url]

PS: You may want to get your thyroid levels checked first. Thyroid disorders often strike after pregnancy, called Postpartum Thyroiditis, and if left untreated they can cause irritable depression.

Yeah, sometimes people can be depressed but think they're not because they're not suicidal or don't feel bad 100% of the time. That's not necessarily the case though.

Also, with 2 young kids, how much sleep are you getting? Chronic lack of slepp could cause all the symptoms you're describing. I noticed you didn't mention the father in your post at all. Are you married to him? Does he help out with the kids? You really need to make sure you're getting enough sleep. That's not always possible with 2 young children I know, but you need to try to make it a priority. If you're living with the father, take turns so that ou can both get some uninterrupted sleep time.

You also didn't mention how old the youngest is. Is it possible you have post-parturm despression?

Anyway, I'd suggest talking to your family doctor about your symptoms. Try your best to get more sleep and cut out all caffiene and alchohol from your diet. If that doesn't help, you may want to see a therapist.

 
Old 11-27-2008, 06:41 AM   #5
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by w2bh09 View Post
I am a mother of 2 under 4 in her early 30s. I am a very angry person. I yell at my kids all the time. I have tried so hard to stop. The more I try and stop the more it all just erupts by the end of the day. I have always been an impatient person. But ever since my second came along I am extremely irritable all the time. Everything annoys me. Especially sounds. I find myself overwhelmed and stressed over every little thing. I can't find any motivation. I am tired all the time. I have almost daily headaches. I love my children...I love my husband. I should be a very happy person. Why am I so angry and sad? I don't think I am depressed. I don't want to hurt myself. I do have low moments. But isn't to an extreme. I want to be a better mother so badly. Every night I go to bed and say tomorrow I will not yell and be happy. Never happens. I feel so awful about myself. What is wrong with me? Where can I go for help?
Hi I'm new to the board and I just read your post and I can relate. Are you an at home mom or do you work? If you spend every waking moment with your children with very few moments of solitude that maybe part of the problem. Are you seeing a doctor or taking meds at the moment? I have a sixteen year old daughter and soon to be nine year old twin boys and I am at home and have been at home with all of them since birth. Here's just a guess on my part. When I hit my thirties, like some other women, I started to feel as if I was losing the individual parts of me that made me the woman I was deep inside. In other words, I started getting angry about being only known as my son's mother, my husband's wife, and the nice lady next door. I wanted to be known as Beth the woman who is intelligent, attractive, funny, and enjoying to be around. Not just someone's maid, chef, taxi driver, and nurse, all the time. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to give up being a mother/wife by any means, I just by that time in my life lost my identity and I truly resented that and it angered me. I mean honestly, gravity took a hold of my body and dragged it to the ground, as much as I loved breastfeeding my sons, I was left deflated and unwomanly, my anxieties I had all my life seemed too have tripled during that time because my self confidence was zero. I'm still battling these things but to solve some of them and to maybe help you, is to first off get some time for yourself. I mean some much needed alone time, and don't let yourself feel guilty about it. Your children will only benefit from a anger free refreshed Mom. Perhaps add a little exercise to your life, nothing too taxing just refreshing. Then start working at looking at yourself from the inside out. How do you feel, what can you do to make yourself happy and fulfilled even if it is just for 15 minutes a day. And then you work on your relationship with your husband. You may still need a boost with some meds which many woman do, me included, but hey this may help, let me know. I'm here to talk if you need to any time.

 
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Old 12-01-2008, 10:33 AM   #6
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

I am home alone with my kids. And my husband doesn't get home till at least 7pm. So it is a long day. I do go and work out as much as I can during the week as my escape. But it hasn't helped really. I still am so highly irritated, angry and sad. I do feel like I am not sure who I am anymore. Other than a mom. I have yet to go see my doctor. Just can't find the time. What types of meds might they put me on? That makes me a little scared. But if it could help me be more relaxed and less angry...I can't even imagine how wonderful that would be.

 
Old 12-07-2008, 12:24 AM   #7
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Oh my goodness... reading your post was surreal. It was like *I* was posting it!

You are definately not alone. I am going thru the same thing. I was never a grouchy person before, but I feel that since my 2 kids were born, I've changed. Especially in the last few years, I feel like I am angry and irritated with my family. All the time. And I don't know why.

Every night I go to bed sad and angry with myself as I feel like I've yelled at my kids and snapped at my husband, snapped at my customers (my husband and I own our own business). I feel like such a bad mom, bad wife, bad person. The worst of it is that I feel like I can't really even control it.

After snapping at my poor daughter last night before dinner, I just went and took a shower and went to bed. I decided then that I probably need to go and seek some professional help.

Like you, I love my children, love my husband, we have a lovely home, family nearby, pets we love, a business of our own....... so why the heck do I feel so angry and irritated and lack any kind of motivation, etc. Everything seems to be an effort.

I do not have any feelings of suicide or anything like that. And no, I don't have "manic" feelings either. Just angry, annoyed, irritated, tired all the time, no energy, headaches.

I remeber starting to feel inklings of this when I turned 30, but I had a newborn baby and the demands of being a 1st-time mom had to take lead. Another child followed 3 years later. I just turned 40 earlier this year and it really hit me hard. I also had a medical scare this year as well.

Let's keep each other posted with what we are doing to help ourselves out of this... funk... for lack of a better word.

Aloha,
*Luana*

 
Old 12-07-2008, 07:03 AM   #8
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

For some, Risperdal is a good med for helping one control their anger.

I experience anger and irritability when I'm towards the end of a manic episode (due to bipolar) and it works pretty well in controlling fluctuations in my moods.

If I were you, I'd talk to a psychiatrist who could place you on meds to help relieve or eliminate your anger.
__________________
Atypical Bipolar I Disorder with Rapid Cycling
Meds:
Depakote 1500mg
Prozac 40mg
Risperdal 1mg titrating to 6mg/day
Klonopin .5mg (2x/day)
Trazodone 100mg or 200mg PRN

 
Old 02-28-2009, 10:49 PM   #9
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by 03catsmeow View Post
... When I hit my thirties, like some other women, I started to feel as if I was losing the individual parts of me that made me the woman I was deep inside. In other words, I started getting angry about being only known as my son's mother, my husband's wife, and the nice lady next door. I wanted to be known as Beth the woman who is intelligent, attractive, funny, and enjoying to be around. Not just someone's maid, chef, taxi driver, and nurse, all the time. Don't get me wrong I didn't want to give up being a mother/wife by any means, I just by that time in my life lost my identity and I truly resented that and it angered me. ...
I'm new to the board as well. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are having the same experience as I do. I used to be a happy person, but ever since my second child was born, my life took a downturn. Over the past 4 years (that's how old my 2nd child is), I gradually lost the all the energy and the interests I used to have, and have became very angry and irritable. I get mad at little things that my kids and husband do that didn't bother me at all in the past. I clearly see that my actions are hurting the family, but I can't stop - I feel like I'm under a spell.
After a lot of reflections recently, I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem is resentment. I'm a high achiever - I have 3 advanced degrees, a Ph.D and two masters (Pardon me if I sound like bragging. I have no intention to do so but to reveal the cause of my problem). I used to put all my energy and intellect in pursing what I want, including hobbies. But after the kids came (especially the 2nd one), I gave up all my own pursuits, and became a mom, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, you name it. I feel that I don't have my own identity anymore. I work in the same building as my husband does. He is a professor, and I am a software engineer working for another professor. When visitors come, I'm always introduced as professor so-and-so's wife, not myself. I so hate it. I have a name, I have a job title and if not because of the kids, I could have become a professor myself. This resentment runs so deep, I just don't know how to dig myself out of it. I know I'm very depressed, because in addition to anger, I also experience a lot of sadness. I have had crying spells from time to time. But despite of all this, I haven't seriously sought for medical help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs, as I believe my problem is a psychological one rather than biological. I have tried a couple of therapists, and both turned out to be very disappointing - they made me feel that I could do a better job diagnosing myself. I remain skeptical and unconvinced about therapy. I came across this forum by accident, and I was very glad to see that someone pinpointed the problem to loss of identity. The knowledge that I'm not alone is so comforting. Thank you.

 
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Old 03-01-2009, 06:15 AM   #10
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by w2bh09 View Post
I am home alone with my kids. And my husband doesn't get home till at least 7pm. So it is a long day. I do go and work out as much as I can during the week as my escape. But it hasn't helped really. I still am so highly irritated, angry and sad. I do feel like I am not sure who I am anymore. Other than a mom. I have yet to go see my doctor. Just can't find the time. What types of meds might they put me on? That makes me a little scared. But if it could help me be more relaxed and less angry...I can't even imagine how wonderful that would be.

Wow, I think you are finding there are a lot of people like you out there. I can definitely relate to the "identity" issue as well. I love my kids and I love my husband very much, don't get me wrong. My thing is, I married my first husband way too young and found out the hard way he was an abusive drug addict. Adding two children to the equasion and 9 long years I didn't even know who I was. By the grace of God, I stepped away from that situation and saved my life and my kids'. I was alone for quite a few years doing it "on my own". I was very angry, yelled A LOT, cried A LOT, and would lock myself in the bedroom sometimes because that seemed my only way out. I felt so horrible all of the time because I couldn't laugh anymore. I hated waking up. Now my issues may be from all the years of the rotten situation I was in, but I couldn't bring myself out of it. My poor kids...I still feel guilty to this day how I was back then. It actually took an "eye opening" experience for me to admit I suffered from severe depression and to go see a doc. She put me on meds, which I continue to take today. But the difference in me now from back then is like night and day. A few years ago I met the man of my dreams and married him. My son has a lot of issues from my first marriage and then my years of depression didn't help. I feel a lot of guilt, still, for not being there for my kids after the divorce. It was like I was in a box and didn't want to come out, and if I came out it was kicking and screaming.
Most of my anger has subsided, but I do get to the point of saying "who am I?" sometimes. I make sure that I have some "me" time and I don't let myself feel too guilty about it. One thing I have started doing for myself this year is working out. The kids know when the door to the garage is closed, that is "mommy's time" and they better leave me alone
You have to take time out for yourself. Don't feel bad about leaving the kids with a sitter for a day. And I have to hand it to you.....I tried the "stay at home mom" thing for a bit and I hated it! I have to have time away doing my things, just like my kids have to go to school and have their friends. You are more than a mom, maid, taxi driver, wife, and cook! Good luck to you, and I'm here if you need to vent.

 
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Old 03-03-2009, 01:44 PM   #11
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

I too am having angry outbursts. My husband is usually on the receiving end, I believe I feel worthless, and a burden to my husband. The sadness I felt as a child ( due to mental, emotional, physical and sexual abuse) is now felt as extreme anger. As I sit here typing, my husband is at a Motel. Last night I kicked the tv off our dresser, damaging the wall and my dresser, then, I kicked the bathroom door. My husband asked if there was anything else I'd like to destroy...so I did. My husband does not deserve this, the one man I've ever been in love with. I'm starting therapy. I'll end this relationship if I don't get my issues under control, he deserves only the best...

 
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Old 10-18-2009, 01:13 PM   #12
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Try Lexapro. My daughter and I take Lexapro 20 mg. and she takes Busperone too. My other daughter takes Celebrex, which is on the $4.00 list at WalMart. I've tried many psychotropic meds over the years for anxiety and depression. Lexapro has no side effects in my case. Its the best one I've found, but not appropriate for some people. I wish I had had Lexapro when my 4 kids were all little. I would have been a much better mother. You might just feel over anxious. Anxiety is fear, even though you may not know why you would be afraid. Having several little kids can do it, or an uncooperative man. Psychotherapy is good for everybody.

 
Old 10-30-2009, 01:00 AM   #13
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Quote:
Originally Posted by johnapril View Post
I'm new to the board as well. It's comforting to know that there are people out there who are having the same experience as I do. I used to be a happy person, but ever since my second child was born, my life took a downturn. Over the past 4 years (that's how old my 2nd child is), I gradually lost the all the energy and the interests I used to have, and have became very angry and irritable. I get mad at little things that my kids and husband do that didn't bother me at all in the past. I clearly see that my actions are hurting the family, but I can't stop - I feel like I'm under a spell.
After a lot of reflections recently, I came to the conclusion that the root of the problem is resentment. I'm a high achiever - I have 3 advanced degrees, a Ph.D and two masters (Pardon me if I sound like bragging. I have no intention to do so but to reveal the cause of my problem). I used to put all my energy and intellect in pursing what I want, including hobbies. But after the kids came (especially the 2nd one), I gave up all my own pursuits, and became a mom, a wife, a chauffeur, a cook, you name it. I feel that I don't have my own identity anymore. I work in the same building as my husband does. He is a professor, and I am a software engineer working for another professor. When visitors come, I'm always introduced as professor so-and-so's wife, not myself. I so hate it. I have a name, I have a job title and if not because of the kids, I could have become a professor myself. This resentment runs so deep, I just don't know how to dig myself out of it. I know I'm very depressed, because in addition to anger, I also experience a lot of sadness. I have had crying spells from time to time. But despite of all this, I haven't seriously sought for medical help. I don't like the idea of taking drugs, as I believe my problem is a psychological one rather than biological. I have tried a couple of therapists, and both turned out to be very disappointing - they made me feel that I could do a better job diagnosing myself. I remain skeptical and unconvinced about therapy. I came across this forum by accident, and I was very glad to see that someone pinpointed the problem to loss of identity. The knowledge that I'm not alone is so comforting. Thank you.
I'm new to this site, and its just so comforting and helpful to see that I'm not alone in the way I feel. I too am in my mid-30's, and seem to be constantly angry, frustrated, "down"... and constantly, constantly yelling at my 3 daughters (aged 6, 4 & 2).. My husband (poor man) seems to never be able to do or say the right things, I feel my children can never do the things I ask, or even if they do, I'm yelling at them because they haven't done it the right way. But why? Why do I feel so angry and bitter all the time. Like I am nothing more than a housewife, cleaner, cook, mother to my children, maid for my husband... whatever happened to me? The person that use to be having all the fun, someone that others always wanted to be around, because there would always be laughter and good times. Now I feel that I haven't any self esteem to be that person anymore - like I'm not good enough. I should be thankful for all that I have, beautiful girls that are healthy, a loving husband (if I'd let him be), family close by, great friends that stand by me.... what else am I searching for?
To be able to see that I'm not going crazy, nor am I alone in this terrible feeling of anger is a great relief.
I'd love to keep up to date with you all on what methods you find helpful, or any other answers you might stumble across.....
Thankyou
Fiof3

 
Old 11-03-2009, 08:04 AM   #14
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

Since my original post I saw my dr about my issues. She put me on 40mg of Citalopram for anxiety. I feel like I have more control over my emotions. I still have complete lack of energy though. Am wondering if that has something to do with my thyroid. Regardless, I am feeling more in control. Still have my moments...but things are much better.

 
Old 11-28-2009, 11:33 AM   #15
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Re: Why am I so angry and irritated all the time

I feel like i wrote most of these posts myself! I am a 35 year old mother of a 7,5,3 and 1 year old and i feel like i am going crazy with anger. I hate myself for raging out at the kids and afterward i feel so guilty and ashamed. What am i doing to my kids lives? They all give me the look like, mom's losing it again... My husband works 2 jobs and owns his own business in order to make the bills. I am with the kids 24/7. I resent families that have dad's around, that support their wives and are understanding. My husband always says, you have it made....most of the women i know don't get to raise their own kids....they work for a living!!!!!!!!!! I worked full time at a place i hated until my 3rd son was born. I have done the working mom thing and believe me, they're both difficult but this is emotionally and physically draining. I feel like i've aged 20 years in the 3 1/2 years i've been a stay home mom. I wish other women would admit to how difficult staying home with their kids really is, there are soap operas and tlc chanel that show this unrealistic view of what mothers are and should be. I am so glad to know that i am not alone. Thanks for you honesty.

 
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