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Old 01-03-2009, 10:01 AM   #1
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A LOT of anxiety and a lot of stress because I'm going to a café concert w/ a friend

I'm 15 years old, and have Depersonalization Disorder.

First of all, It's going to be my first time going to a show like this. I seem to have a lot of anxiety when I go to an unfamiliar place, and it often triggers an episode of depersonalization, which brings me more anxiety. Its ends pretty late, and I'm scared of getting an episode while I'm in there. I feel like I'm going to be shaking, and have a racing, pounding heart throughout the whole night. I also have a lot of anxiety about having a heart attack, and I constantly have to check my pulse to make sure it's still going. It might sound silly, especially since I'm only 15 and I'm in shape, but I have a bad anxiety problem

Second, it's going to be with a friend that I've never really hung out with before, we've only spoken together online, and occasionally smile at each other whenever we see one another. She's a great person, but I'm unfamiliar with her, and also, I have a bit of a "thing" for her, which brings me more stress, more panic, and more anxiety. I'm scared of awkwardness, or getting an attack in front of this girl who I really like, which would be HELL. Plus, I have all these other anxiety problems which wont help at all.

This kind of thing happens ALL the time, and it causes me to blow people off and cancel plans, and it's ruining my social life. Because of this problem, I don't like going out with new friends. I just get really scared, or end up canceling on them. I know it's dumb, but I can't help the way I feel.

I'm not the type of guy who goes to these kind of shows and stays out late, mostly because I have all this fear.
Please help me. I don't want to come off as a loser, or as a fool
Or as if I'm not into her.

As for therapy, I'm going to be seeing a psychiatrist soon, but certainly not before this "date".

Unfortunately I don't think there are any off-the-counter drugs for anxiety.

 
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Old 01-03-2009, 04:31 PM   #2
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Re: A LOT of anxiety and a lot of stress because I'm going to a café concert w/ a fri

Just try to relax and enjoy yourself. Don't put pressure on yourself to act or be a certain way. In fact, the more you take the focus off of yourself, the better. Focus on the concert and on the girl you're going with.

This is your first date with her? If so, just be nice and treat her like you would treat any good friend. Talk to her about things that interest you and find out what she's interested in and talk about that. Remember that although yes, she is a girl, she's not so different from you. Her thoughts and feelings (leaving aside the dissociative thing) are going to be pretty much the same and yours and yes, she will also be nervous.

The main thing is not to build this up into some huge event upon which hangs your future happiness. You're both going to be nervous at first, but if really like this girl, then it will come out in the way you talk and act towards her. But don't profess your love or anything like that. This is a first date. Keep it casual and fun. Be nice, friendly, and (if you can manage it) funny. That's it. It's not rocket science. Just try to relax and have fun.


As far as your dissociative disorder, that's something completely different. You need psychiatric counseling about it and about whatever happened in your life to cause it. Good luck!

 
Old 01-03-2009, 05:50 PM   #3
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Re: A LOT of anxiety and a lot of stress because I'm going to a café concert w/ a fri

Quote:
Originally Posted by fossilapostle View Post
Just try to relax and enjoy yourself. Don't put pressure on yourself to act or be a certain way. In fact, the more you take the focus off of yourself, the better. Focus on the concert and on the girl you're going with.

This is your first date with her? If so, just be nice and treat her like you would treat any good friend. Talk to her about things that interest you and find out what she's interested in and talk about that. Remember that although yes, she is a girl, she's not so different from you. Her thoughts and feelings (leaving aside the dissociative thing) are going to be pretty much the same and yours and yes, she will also be nervous.

The main thing is not to build this up into some huge event upon which hangs your future happiness. You're both going to be nervous at first, but if really like this girl, then it will come out in the way you talk and act towards her. But don't profess your love or anything like that. This is a first date. Keep it casual and fun. Be nice, friendly, and (if you can manage it) funny. That's it. It's not rocket science. Just try to relax and have fun.


As far as your dissociative disorder, that's something completely different. You need psychiatric counseling about it and about whatever happened in your life to cause it. Good luck!
Thank you very much for the advice
Although the way I present myself to her is the least of my worries. I'm actually good with girls.
It's more the fact that she is unfamiliar, and so good looking it's intimidating.
And the fact that I'm in an unfamiliar place for the first time.
Which causes all the more anxiety I wrote about in the first post

There's a difference between being nervous because of the date, and being completely anxious about everything.

 
Old 01-04-2009, 07:28 AM   #4
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Therag HB User
Re: A LOT of anxiety and a lot of stress because I'm going to a café concert w/ a fri

Hi at 15 years old you are still young and have time to deal with your feeling of anxiety.

I can relate to what you feel like. I 've just been to visit my female friend in her country for the third time....And yes i have a thing for her! She invited me to go to the new year celebration in the city, and being a socially phobic, shy person i felt really awkward because we were in the middle of crowds of loud drunk, happy people..I just can't be loud like everyone else, i think i appear really boring. As the new year came in i think i was the only person who didn't feel any excitement and she asked me why i looked so sad and she said ''Look at the fireworks! They are amazing!''....And i just stood there thinking ''So what!''....Well atleast my bodylanguage made me appear that way. It's just that i am not a party person...I have a flat personality but it kind of makes me feel i appear really boring to people.

 
Old 01-08-2009, 02:29 PM   #5
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Re: A LOT of anxiety and a lot of stress because I'm going to a café concert w/ a fri

Quote:
Originally Posted by WillIBeOkay View Post
Thank you very much for the advice
Although the way I present myself to her is the least of my worries. I'm actually good with girls.
It's more the fact that she is unfamiliar, and so good looking it's intimidating.
And the fact that I'm in an unfamiliar place for the first time.
Which causes all the more anxiety I wrote about in the first post

There's a difference between being nervous because of the date, and being completely anxious about everything.

Oh, well no doubt you'll do just fine then. Have fun!

 
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