graces23

Does anyone know what kind of possible disorder this specific feeling/behaviour might be?

I have severe discomfort when talking to people I don’t know well in front of people I do know well. For example, I feel incredibly embarrassed and awkward when having to speak to sales assistants, people on the phone, people in the street, friends I don’t know too well, work colleagues, in front of my partner, best friend or parents (the people I know most). I go out of my way to do this if at all possible. Like, whenever my partner and I have to get a taxi somewhere, I always call the cab from my phone and I walk off into the distance (away from my partner) to do this, using the excuse that I can’t hear properly, and then when the cab comes, I always let her get in first so she can tell the driver where to go so I don’t have to say anything. Even if we’re about to go the wrong way, I won’t say anything if my partner hasn’t noticed, or I’ll say something to her only but not to the driver directly, and she will have to say it to the driver herself.

In shops, if we walk in and a sales person says hi or asks if we need help, I’ll actually go so far as to pretend I haven’t heard the sales person so my partner will have to answer. This sometimes makes me look really weird and stupid. If I do happen to have to respond before my partner, I sort of just smile and say something really quietly and quickly and then feel incredibly embarrassed.

If ever I have to make a phone call, I leave the room even if it’s only a 2 minute call to book a restaurant or something.

I remember when I was in school, at about 10 years old, and for some reason my mum was there with me briefly, and someone I was sort of not really friends with walked by and said hi, and I said hi but I was embarrassed to say it in front of my mum, and so I said hi kind of mumbly and not happily, and my mum said I should have said it nicely and I seemed really rude. Also all throughout my childhood I’d do this with people in shops as well…I just had this thing about it.

And annoyingly, I’m fine talking to people in front of people I’m friends with but don’t feel 100% comfortable with…like I’m fine talking to friends in front of other friends and stuff. And I WAS fine in the early stages of my relationship with my partner talking to anyone in front of her – in fact, I was the more confident and outgoing one of us. But somewhere along the line, I became how I am with my parents and best friend, with her too. Very frustrating.

I also hate talking to anyone on the phone when I’m at work. I don’t care about actually being on the phone, but if I have to make calls I try and do it when there’s hardly anyone around or if they can’t hear me for some reason, like it’s really loud at the time or something.

Has anyone else heard of anything like this? Is it just some type of anxiety disorder? I hate it. In front of my parents isn’t so bad cause it only really comes up when in restaurants when I have to order my meal (which I do ok even though I don’t like doing it), and my best friend, it’s ok with her…we live in different states and aren’t quite as close as we once were, so I find it’s easing with her a bit…I don’t feel as embarrassed now as I used to. My partner is the huge issue. Well, not my partner, but my intense embarrassment in front of my partner is the issue. Somewhere along the line I obviously started feeling like I was inadequate or not able to act the same way with other people as I did with her, and so felt judged when conversing with other people…I don’t know. She acts somewhat different in front of other people than she does with me (everyone does, we all have different sides to us and stuff), and if anything, I like that in her. It interests me. What is my problem!?