ellekay

Hi All,

I have always been a sufferer of mild depression and anxiety and panic attacks, however i now believe that i also have and have always had a form of OCD.

Firstly, i constantly need to call my partner to see if he is okay and safe, especially when he is on his way to work or on his way home or driving. The other night i convinced myself that he was going to die in his sleep, so i called him in the middle of the night to see if he was alive and okay. When he went overseas, i think thats when it all began. I would call him constantly and would panic when he would get on public transport believing that it would be bombed or someone would hurt him.

I also have intrusive thoughts that flash into my head. Thoughts of harming myself or others. I know in my heart that i would never do anything to anyone, i'm way too sensative to even hurt a fly, but i have a fear of hurting people and a fear of hurting myself or being hurt by someone. My greatest fear is being kidnapped, tortured and killed. I cant watch any movies of this sort because it disturbes me.

I want to have children when i marry and i am afraid that i will not be a good mother due to these thoughts. I love children so much and have dreamt of having a family all my life but i am afraid.

I read somewhere that this is normal however i dont feel normal at all. I feel like an outcast! I dont want people fearing me cause im so sweet all the time. I hate violence and the thought of violence. It makes me sick.

I dont want to be on medication, i believe i can deal with this on my own if its normal part of OCD. Do you think i have it?

Thanks guys.

Elle