marymary326

I have been accused of being on drugs, which I never have even tried any ever. But I do have severe mood swings that change quickly, stiffness all over my neck and back, sometimes legs and feet, I want to sleep all the time, but cant fall asleep. I cry all the time during tv shows and movies, but not when the guy gets killed or they get divorced - I start to cry everytime a man brings home his wife flowers, when the neighbor brings home your missing dog, or when the girl admits how much she loves her father and will miss him when she goes to college as they hug. I know, I suck... I do not have a short temper or any anger issues, for example today I was so happy, like on speed, cleaning my house while the kids were at school, cooking all day long, I went to lunch with my fiance, went to PetCo, everything was up up up, then I got home and my pet Rat is sick and she just looked at me and I starting crying, I wished I could have put her out of her misery, but I dont have the heart to let her go, so all night I have been moping around, my speech is slower, I hunch over, I'm starving, my neck hurts, my back is throbing. I think I have anxiety issues because I really don't like going places, but home and the store. I do not ever want to go out anymore, no more dancing, fishing, playing poker, no more window shoping, I do not like being around people - like waiting at the DMV, I always wait to the last minute, I feel that people are always judging me, I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE IN MY HOUSE> I have no more friends, because they just all used me or backstabbed in some way, and I prefer to be alone anyway. I really like being alone, with my kids. I hate it when the phone rings or someone rings the doorbell. I act like I'm not home. Even to my mom or neighbors, they didn't call first, I hate when people just STOP BY. I eat alot, all the time, when I'm bored or watching TV, but it makes me feel better. I have become very indecisive, I would rather flip a quarter for tough decisions because I'm tired of thinking about them, it's very frustrating, what if I make the wrong choice??? I absolutely can not sleep at night if someone thinks anything bad about me, I will obsess till I am pysically sick trying to figure out why someone has bad feelings or thoughts about me. I just quit my job three weeks ago because I was there for three years but the new girl (three months) said I stole $200.00 when I proved to her and the boss that I did not, she refused to apologize and I walked out because I will not and can not work next to someone who hates me and is trying to get me fired. So all I have talked about to my fiance for three weeks is why she hates me, what did I ever do to her, did I say something wrong, what??? I have made myself sick to my stomach with stress over this. Now I'm getting headaches.... I always say that there is a place for everything, and everything should be in it's place. My girls are 10, they should put the socks and clothes right side in and put them in the dirty clothes box, or I won't wash them, they do not belong on the floor. Okay, the milk belongs in the fridge door on the bottom shelve to the left, that's where it goes.. I have to have everything where it goes, or else you won't know where it is when you need it, right. Anyways, people joke that I'm on drugs, my fiance says that I'm anti-social and I have anxiety issues and borderline OCD, so he says. But I have a home so I can go there, I love being home with my family, alone, I don't see the problem with that. Please let me know if anything I have said sounds like I should seriously consider talking to a professinal because I have been scared a DR will just laugh me off of his couch, I'm 30, not overweight, no drugs or alcohol, happy childhood, good credit, great life, I just bought my first house (yeah me) I can hear him laughing right now saying that I have wasted his time. But thanks for listening (letting me vent) please help me decide what I should do - if anything. Maybe I'm just over reacting and my fiance is paranoid beacuse his ex (baby's momma) of 15 years is bi- polar, but aside from that, she acts that the devil, she would actually have me killed if she would ever get a job so she could pay for a hitman, she is serioulsy on drugs, back and forth in jail and rehabs, nothing works with her... I guess I'm kinda scared I might became her in 15 years... So maybe I'm just over anylizing things... Please help!