Mental self sabotage... - Mental Health Message Board

Van Drake · 04-02-2009, 12:21 PM

Hello everyone

I find myself shooting myself in the foot often. Im generally a very confident person and when something needs to be done. I do it. I can walk into a room filled with a thousand people and deliver a speech. or speak to total strangers. my problem is this...

when im alone its as if another side of me comes out and tries to make my life hell. doubts. insecurities. its basically a voice that comes out and "no way. how do you know you can do that. you dont deserve it. you will fail. you are wasting your time"

The more i fight it...th louder it gets and it pushes me to my limits. i feel as if im being torn in two.

I always succeed in what i do. I dont know the meaning of the word fail. but when this voice speaks i undermine myself internally. and this angers me. i dont want to feel like this. and so the more i fight it to prove to myself that i can do anything i want. I generally do. then the voice comes back. despite all that i achieve. what causes this? does anyone know how to stop self sabotage like this?

tommy124 · 04-02-2009, 01:01 PM

As far as I can see, this is the human condition...to be plagued with fear and self doubt.
The real difference between people, is not whether or not you have that voice, it's how much you allow it to determine your actions.
That was a beautiful, accurate description of what goes on in a person's head. I couldn't have written it as clearly, but I know exactly what you've talking about from the inside of me. How could you know exactly what is going on in my head, unless it is part of being human?

Van Drake · 04-02-2009, 01:17 PM

it doesnt influence my actions per se...but it does prove to be an annoyance...especially when one is trying to shut down. But occasionally the voice speaks when one is thinking about something they love dearly...eg your career or a loved one...and one then goes on the attack, trying to shut the voice up...which then turns into an internal struggle for domination. But on the outside...one seems normal...but on the inside one begins to dread the arrival of this voice...I have even slapped myself really really hard when it happened once. just trying to get it to release me. to leave my mind.

I hear its good to ask yourself questions. to question yourself because then one finds the reasons why one does things...and finds strength. but this is on a whole new level of mental pain. and for someone prone to depression I want to get it out before it gets me.

reg12 · 04-02-2009, 03:33 PM

Hi Van,
It sounds like you are correct. You can look at it as the voice appears to be coming from another side or another part of you. Why this other side has this attitude and talks to you this way can come from a single simple reason or from many complexed sources. I find normally it is complexed, so that is why the other side or part may not know why he does it either. I hope this helps in some way to answer your question.

Van Drake · 04-04-2009, 01:28 AM

thanks so much for all the responses. So do you think therapy would be a good idea? I dont mind going at all. And how does one choose a good therapist?

As for the origins of this voice you're probably right...now the struggle is to get rid of it. I hate this...thing...inside me.