manishrathi

Lately I feel like my mind is going out of control. I can not concentrate. Stray thoughts keep coming to the mind all the time.

I have a history of day dreaming for past 20 years. I day dream about being billionaire, sexual fantasies with the girls which I could never get, When I read some sex story, later on I fantasize on that about about myself or somebody else. I keep thinking a lot about being military genius. I am always against criminal activities and think of killing criminals or give them severe punishments so that others wont dare do that. When I am thinking anti criminal, I get agressive and grind my teeth. All my muscles around tample and back of the head become tense. Since I can not do these things, I just fantasize about that.

Lately, when I do this type of thinking, I feel like I am getting lost. I am unable to focus at all.

How can I come out of this ? I talked to psychiatrist and he prescribed me some medicine. But after taking that medicine, I developed restless leg syndrome. So decided to quit on that medicine. In my last visit, psychiatrist did not prescribe anything. I was not taking medicine regularly, so he said you are doing ok without medicine. As a matter of fact, I was not taking medicine regularly because of the fear that I will be used to this medication for the whole life and also because of the fear that I will be unable to perform sexually with my wife. My wife does not know the gravity of my mental condition and takes this lightly. Ofcourse she is not aware of my sexual fantasies. When I was feeling better, I thought I can get well without medication, that was another reason for not taking medicines regularly.

When I went to see psychiatrist for the first time, he did not give me any medication, telling me that I was perfectly fine and I may get used to this medication. It was only after repeated visits, that another psychiatrist prescribed me this medicine. This was another reason, why I did not take medicine regularly. I get repeated bouts of this losing focus. Sometimes I feel well , sometimes I dont. But gradually, I am losing focus. Now, I just do little day dreaming and I get lost. At this time I am in the bad phase.

Is my case serious ? Please advise.