Out of Options - Mental Health Message Board

lost987 · 04-26-2009, 08:46 AM

I'm new here but I would appreciate any feedback you can give me. I am really having a bad time in life right now, and I don't know what to do.

I feel overwhelmed with the problems in my life and I just can not come up with solutions. I have no job, no means of supporting myself and yesterday my husband said I should leave the marriage because I am not giving him the sort of love he wants. I also lost my part time low paying job yesterday.
I have tried to live by myself and support myself before and I had low paying jobs, was unhappy at work, and struggling all the time. Is that what I can "look forward to now"?
In terms of my marriage, I don't know what is best. I know there are problems, and I would work on them but my husband is not willing to accept any responsibility and his attitude is black and white. He has a good stable job and I think he feels that if I am not contributing to his happiness then I have no value to him. I know that is a blunt way of putting it, but I think it is acurate. I think he would be lonely by himself but not lonely enough to be motivated to help this relationship. I feel like he thinks I am just too much trouble.
In terms of work, I have tried doing schooling to get a job. I do fine in the school work but never get it to translate to a job. In the low paying jobs that I have held I ultimately end up fired or leave. Sometimes my bosses say it is because of "my attitude" although I really try to be a "good employee" and sometimes they just don't like my work. I am not stupid or dishonest just expendable.
I have no support system (probably why I am writing this). I moved 8 years ago to marry my husband and live here with him. I have not been able to establish a network of friends. My family is small and have never been close, my mom is now in a nursing home and for the past year has had increasing levels of dementia. Differences of opinion on the care of mom has caused a rift between my siblings and I.
So I don't know what to do now. I feel like I have really tried to get my life together, but nothing works for me. It is like I am cursed, so why try. I have been down that road and it always ends badly. There must be something wrong with me that is not fixable and therefore it is time to face up to being a failure and completely expendable. Don't you just logically come to a point in your life where you have tried the options and they don't work and you just have to admit defeat?
Thanks for reading my post.

reg12 · 04-26-2009, 08:31 PM

Hi lost,
I read your post a couple of times today. There is not much at all to work with except a self esteem problem, but that is not the issue I feel. Just keep writing and maybe something will surface. Don't give up yet.

rosequartz · 04-26-2009, 08:37 PM

I'm sorry for what you're going thru, you're not as out of options as you think.....your first priority should be talking to a lawyer. Your husband can't just ask you to leave the marriage.....you're entitled to support since you aren't able to support yourself at this point. If he wants you to leave the marriage, he will need to divorce you and that's gonna cost him. You have rights, don't let him tell you that you don't.

lost987 · 04-29-2009, 09:22 PM

Thanks for reading. I wonder if I am in the right forum. Part of my problem is relationship, but it is related to other things going on and maybe it is me not the outside world.
I've had problems in the work place before several times. I can't tell if there is a thread in the different situations. Maybe I have a personality disorder that prevents me from getting along with other people? Maybe I have a problem getting along with authority? If it were just a cause of being whiney, complainer "bad attitude" why would I continue to do that if I ultimately get fired or the behaviour causes other problems in my life? Maybe I am just an overly sensitive person and dwell on the problems rather than blaming things on the other people and moving on or just forgetting abou the bad experiences.
In terms of my relationship I don't know if I am hard to get along with or he is just too demanding and stubborn. I feel like I can not disagree with him or he gets mad. I have to do what he wants but he won't do what I want. If I point this out to him he argues with me. Lately he doesn't even come up with an arguement he just gives me a short angry response.
I guess I feel trapped and powerless. I wish I could stand up for myself more with my husband but when I do he tells me to leave the marriage. If I had a job or could get a job where I could support myself then leaving would be an option. As it is now I don't think I could survive in the work world.
Thanks Rosequartz for your comment about him needing to divorce me. I live in Illinois so appreciate your comment in terms of the legal aspect.

rosequartz · 04-30-2009, 08:06 AM

stand your ground!
if you leave the marital home, I believe you could forfeit some rights. Hold down the fort, unless of course he becomes abusive, then you need to look out for your safety.