What is wrong with me. I know the b4's & afters, but wheres the "during"?
I am being affected in softball, at work, and at home as well. Sometimes I act like "I don't know what I am doing" and then when I am told, I am like "oh" and then realized that I should of known what to do. Before something happens is not a problem, it is during that something happens and I act like I don't know what I am doing. After if happed, I tell myself "I should of done this/said this and I KNEW what to do, my brain just doesnt do what it is supposed to do anymore". Also when I make mistakes and should of known what to do, I used to slap my forehead with the palm of my hand. Sometimes hard (not real hard to knock myself out) and sometimes just a tap depending on what kind of mistake it is.
I have played softball since little league and I did not notice any problems until this year when I played JC fastpitch softball and when I would be on base, I am supposed to be already trained to look at the base coach first to pick up the sign and also when the ball is in play before rounding 2nd, should look at the 3rd base coach to pick up what to do next. Sometimes I look, but most of the time my mind wonders on into a dream world or whatever and watches the ball when rounding 2nd. In the outfield when getting the ball to throw, I still make mental errors and throw to the wrong person. My brain SHOULD BE trained already to do what it is supposed to do. I have watched softball on tv many of times and whenever its on (college tournaments) and even mlb baseball. I still watch it all the time. I also have a problem with hesitation. especially with balls hit to me that go over my head. I know what to do, but my brain acts like it doesnt when it actually happens. WHen I tell myself to dive, I don't dive. When I tell myself to slide now (I used to be able to slide all the time with no problem), I don't slide. Everything is "DURING" and my brain just shuts off.
At work, same thing happens. Mind just wonders out of no where and it happens even in the middle of a conversation and sometimes I forget where something is/what the person is talking about (I work at ralphs as a bagger) and then I'm like "oh, I should of known that". Today for example, I was asked to put cold meat sausage or whatever it is (it looks like a big hot dog) away when a customer did not want it due to the prices and told me to be quick, I asked "so I can be quick, what ile is it on?" and she said "meat department duh". I told myself "I should of known that...here we go again...My brain went blank like it always does".
I know what to do, but when it comes to being asked to do things, I act like I dont know what to do and my mind always goes blank and then when I get the answer or be shown where something is (even if it is sitting directly right in front of me), I realized I already knew.
How can I get myself a brain that will treat me normal? How can I train it to do what its supposed to do? When I get a question, my brain should give me the answer. If I know it already, there is no excuse for the brain to freeze.
whats going on with me? I am only 22 years old and I cannot be having altimerz right now. Do you think I might be stressed or depressed or thinking too much? I used to be picked on all the time and made fun of when I was in K-12 and it was hard to make friends. I was put in special education classes because of my speech when I started kindergarden and wondered why I was there. In middle school I realized I was in special education classes and not in normal classes like everyone else and tried to get out of it, but I was not let out until in 12th grade I finally went into resource classes. now I am in college (been since fall of 04) and away from the special education program.
How can I stop thinking so much and worrying so much about stuff? maybe thats why my brain is doing what its doing because I worry and have so much going on in my brain that it explodes all the time (even if I am not thinking about anything at the moment and trying to focus on what I am doing? I am always also talking to imaginary friends because thats all I really have on a daily basis and especially when bored. I also have no boyfriend except for an imaginary one, which I wish was real. I see people at school and say hi and sometimes talk, but my communication is not that great and its nothing like my imaginary friends. Also when I try to be friends with someone and hang out, I am a lot of times quiet and don't know what to say. When I do talk and have stuff to talk about, I am found to be talking too much and annoying..and then dont want to be hung out with anymore.
I am sick of this...what should I do? is it depresson? Is it stress? Is it because I hit my head at a time I was really frustraited playing softball and my mind was not doing what it was taught to do and missed balls I know I can get"? Is it some kind of disorder (except for ADD..because I dont think I am that. The reason is because after something happens, I realize what I should have done/said. I dont think thats ADD.)...I want to know what to do "WHEN" something happens, not act like I dont know whats going on, try and guess, and then realized after it happens/been said I should of done it/known it. I know what to do before it happens and after it happens, but where is the "WHEN it happens"? softball, work, school, communication, everywhere..it happens. I know what to do, but where is the "during"? I am not nervous anymore (I take GABA to get rid of that, so I am fine catching balls that come right at me in a softball game...but when it comes to using my brain to do something, thats the problem). its not the being nervous anymore.
I really hope this can be fixed.
Last edited by caangelxox; 05-16-2009 at 08:58 PM.