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Old 10-16-2009, 05:15 AM   #1
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Exeter, UK
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TheBattle2009 HB User
Unhappy Negative Thoughts Ruining My Life

Hi All

I have spent nearly my whole life in my bedroom and of course in time it felt like a prison cell I did go out with my mum and grandparents to different places but it was not the same as living my own life how I wanted to. There are several factors why here they are:

Failed Career in Small Animal Care: 1. My College would not accept me or my friend on the NVQ Level 1 in Small Animal Care course even after we had done their First Diploma In Small Animal Care and I had completed and passed the course in the first year the course runner just said we can not accept you two on to the course they did not give us a reason, they did not say there were no more places available either and we did behave our selves (honestly) but they accepted this other student who took 5 years just to complete the First Diploma In Small Animal Care? It just did not make any sense?! 1998-1999.

2. In 2001-2002 (2 years later after spending my time in my bedroom wallowing in negativity) I went to a course provider who supplied an NVQ Level 1 in Small Animal Care and the work placement was at an RSPCA where I had a wide selection of animals to look after all went well for 4 months then suddenly the provider who supplied the NVQ Level 1 in Small Animal Care went bankrupt (sods law!).

After a month or two later another provider invested in the provider who provided a variety of courses and qualifications including my NVQ Level 1 in Small Animal Care unfortunately they only supplied I.T. qualifications and courses and Gardening qualifications and courses at the time I did think why buy a provider who provided a variety of courses and qualifications when you are only going to do 2 qualifications and courses?!

I spent 5 more months learning I.T. with the new provider as I did not know what to do anymore as everything just kept on going wrong with my Small Animal Care Career. At the end of 2001I completed the I.T. courses that they did just to pass the time in 2002 the provider rang me and offered me an office junior job which included an NVQ Level 1 in Administration as they knew how hard it was for me to try and find an animal care job working with a variety of different animals either at an RSPCA or an Animal Adventure Park as I do not drive and they would like their staff to be able to drive tractors or other machinery so again another spanner in the works and knowing that an Animal Care job is not a very well paid job anymore so I accepted.

3. After 7 months of trying to get some where with the NVQ Level 1 in Administration I left as the provider who provided the qualification did not hire proper qualified lecturers to teach their NVQ’s in Administration they just relied on their Admin Staff and of course they were rushing around like headless chickens and did not do a very good job teaching us all (their students) it was not just me who left a few others had had enough and even left before I did.

4. The provider did point out that there was an Equine job going and the pay was quite good and it came with a qualification again it was an NVQ Level 2 in Equine after only a week I left because to be honest even though I love horses to I wanted to work with a wide variety of animals and in just one week the owners were finding it hard money wise and at the same time they were having a go at their main staff so it was a very tense atmosphere which probably did not help me either but I did leave on my own accord.

5. Will my Web Design and Development career fail? In 2007-2009 (5 years later after spending my time in my bedroom wallowing in negativity again!) I finally plucked up enough courage and enrolled on a Dreamweaver CS4 course at a College as I have always enjoyed using and mucking around with all of the settings and exploring the ins and outs of the windows computer since I was 10 years old in 1996 when we had Windows 95 OS at that time and I have always loved how well designed websites were and wondered if I could be able to create lovely websites such as the ones that were on the internet then as I have always been naturally talented when it comes to art e.g. drawing, painting, designing posters by hand, and I have always been naturally talented when it comes to photography to.

The other upside to Web Design and Development is that it can be a very well paid job even if you do decide to go with the Freelance option by having your own small business, I have selected the freelance option because not only do I not have to rely on arrogant, ignorant or incapable Colleges or providers such as the ones who supplied the NVQ Level 1 qualifications but I do not have to rely on providers who go bankrupt or Web Design and Development companies that could go bankrupt especially now as we are in the Recession again! and hopefully nothing can go wrong unless I let it? I have always had a passion to build customised computers to so I might learn how to do that to as again it is also a very well paid job and I think I would enjoy building computers to.

6. Since September 2008-2009 I did a campaign to make people aware of what was wrong with the subject in question and how it effected a huge amount of people. I managed to make people aware of the problem and it is getting sorted out slowly the only down side to this campaign is that it took up most of my time and to be honest I found it hard to study Web Design and Development.

For one month I have started to live my life again and going out more like going into town, trying to studying Web Design at different places on my laptop and trying out new things, since that time I have found that I am getting more and more paralysed with the fear of the unknown and life.

The fear is getting to me so much I am having trouble living my life from when I get up in the morning to do my daily ablutions, organising my day to decide what I am going to do, learning web design and development, studying web design and development at College, organising my laptop for next days use during the night and as that is my worst time for fear I feel more vulnerable at that time of day.

I find that I stop my self from doing what I want to do and the tasks I need to do. It is if I have lost all meaning of life and now I feel as if I am in between life and death. My health is suffering very badly as I only seem to be able to have strip washes twice a week in the morning I know this but it is like I have given up with life and I do not care about my life anymore!?! I am in a horrible situation and would love to turn my life around but I seem to be paralysed with fear.

What does not help is that I was abused by my father mentally and physically from the age of 6-14 years old as I left home and lived and live with my grandparents. With my mums side of the family they say we make our own luck in life and career and so they do not help each other out which includes me as well so I have never had any help or support from my family so all I have is you guys and my doctor for support and help now being 25 years old.

People are right when they say the older you are the less support there is < edited > To be able to make a new life for myself I need loads of advice and tips from you guys please? on how to live my life again properly this time and information on what books that I can buy "e.g. Life Coach Yourself, Psychology and run your own business books" that will help me no end to live the life I would like to live without having negative thoughts that seem to rule my life I am living now, help on how I can start learning web design and development properly again and how I can organise my life properly.

I just have to push myself to live the life I want to live even if that means I only get an hours sleep a night! I have been seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist for four months now and I know that I need to put my past behind me but still there lye’s a huge hole in my life that I can not seem heal especially trying to concentrate on my future as it just seems to hide more negative patterns, feelings and subjects.

< edited > I have also been searching though the property papers but still I can not find one hence another negative!! I look forward to your replies and support? and many thanks for reading my short Biography!;-D

Take care.

All the best, Oliver

Last edited by hb-mod; 10-16-2009 at 08:14 AM. Reason: Inappropriate subject matter.

 
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Old 10-16-2009, 11:52 AM   #2
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Exeter, UK
Posts: 4
TheBattle2009 HB User
Re: Negative Thoughts Ruining My Life

Sorry Health Boards did not realise that I was not allowed to post the comment that I had made on my thread many appologys! and it shows that people do care in this cruel world and thanks for the pm very much appreciated, to be honest I just scanned through your terms and conditions etc. so did not really read it properly but I am sure we are all guilty of that;-D

All the best, Oliver

 
Old 10-16-2009, 12:24 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Exeter, UK
Posts: 4
TheBattle2009 HB User
Lightbulb Shorter Follow Up To: Negative Thoughts Ruining My Life

Hi all

For one month I have started to live my life again and going out more like going into town, trying to studying Web Design at different places on my laptop and trying out new things, since that time I have found that I am getting more and more paralysed with the fear of the unknown and life.

The fear is getting to me so much I am having trouble living my life from when I get up in the morning to do my daily ablutions, organising my day to decide what I am going to do, learning web design and development, studying web design and development at College, organising my laptop for next days use during the night and as that is my worst time for fear I feel more vulnerable at that time of day.

I find that I stop my self from doing what I want to do and the tasks I need to do. It is if I have lost all meaning of life and now I feel as if I am in between life and death. My health is suffering very badly as I only seem to be able to have strip washes twice a week in the morning I know this but it is like I have given up with life and I do not care about my life anymore!?! I am in a horrible situation and would love to turn my life around but I seem to be paralysed with fear.

What does not help is that I was abused by my father mentally and physically from the age of 6-14 years old as I left home and lived and live with my grandparents. With my mums side of the family they say we make our own luck in life and career and so they do not help each other out which includes me as well so I have never had any help or support from my family so all I have is you guys and my doctor for support and help now being 25 years old.

People are right when they say the older you are the less support there is. To be able to make a new life for myself I need loads of advice and tips from you guys please? on how to live my life again properly this time and information on what books that I can buy "e.g. Life Coach Yourself, Psychology and run your own business books" that will help me no end to live the life I would like to live without having negative thoughts that seem to rule my life I am living now, help on how I can start learning web design and development properly again and how I can organise my life properly.

I just have to push myself to live the life I want to live even if that means I only get an hours sleep a night! I have been seeing a cognitive behavioural therapist for four months now and I know that I need to put my past behind me but still there lye’s a huge hole in my life that I can not seem heal especially trying to concentrate on my future as it just seems to hide more negative patterns, feelings and subjects.

I have also been searching though the property papers but still I can not find one hence another negative!!

I look forward to your replies and support? and many thanks for reading my short Biography!;-D

All the best, Oliver

Last edited by moderator2; 10-16-2009 at 03:12 PM. Reason: please post your updates as replies in the same thread

 
Old 10-16-2009, 02:04 PM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2009
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sneakertooth HB User
Re: Shorter Follow Up To: Negative Thoughts Ruining My Life

Hey dude idk if i can give you any good advice but i just wanted to let you know that your not the only guy who's through these same thoughts and struggles and i just want to thank you for posting because im going though the same thing right now and i was just about to post my own story and its nice to see that I'm not the only guy going through and has gone through a similar thing

 
Old 10-28-2009, 05:40 AM   #5
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Exeter, UK
Posts: 4
TheBattle2009 HB User
Thumbs up Re: Negative Thoughts Ruining My Life

Hi sneakertooth

Sorry for the late reply but I was so unorganised that I did not know where to start on the tasks that I needed to do until a thought came to me saying why don’t you make a task list of what you have got to do, now I feel more organised, know where I am heading and I just say time will not rule my life anymore I will take as long as I need to take to be able to do any task I need to do.

Many thanks for replying to my thread, trying to offer help and support very much appreciated. It is nice to know that I am not the only guy who's going through these same thoughts and struggles I agree with you there as you do feel alone and you do not know what to do about it.

Your very welcome it is my pleasure to post a thread which you feel relates to you to. Why couldn’t I have just sat back and relaxed for a while waiting for someone to post a similar post to mine? ow well I guess I drew the short straw lol (lots of laughs).

I went to see my doctor last Thursday and I have been diagnosed with having Anxiety hence the reason why I am so unorganised, worrying about everything, getting loads of negative thoughts, putting up silly little blocks which stop me from doing what I want to do etc.

My doctor recommeneded the NHS courses that they do occasionally either in the hospitals or even at the Libraries sometimes such as How To Deal With Anxiety, How To Deal With Depression etc. and in Exeter (UK) the courses will start soon I am just waiting for my doctor to contact me now to give me the start dates.

The courses sound great as you get to meet and talk to other people who suffer with Anxiety and or Depression as it is like a group session thing and you get to sort your problems out with the lecturer as well which I am really looking forward to maybe you should look for courses like that in your area? It does not have to be with the NHS you could even try your local colleges to.

I hope this reply to your post will answer some of your queries, will get you more motivated and I would advise you to see your doctor to maybe they can help you.

There are other forums on the internet that are not so clinical, picky and who seem to disregard their new member threads until they have posted at least 25 posts before their thread or threads get answered.

Here are a couple that I have registered with:

Recover Your Life
healthypages

Good luck with your quest to find answers to your problems and I wish you the very best of luck.

All the best… Oliver

 
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