Not sure what the subject is - Mental Health Message Board

soochr · 11-11-2002, 01:05 PM

Hi all…I think I have finally made the decision to go and talk to someone and then I stopped by the health boards. I feel that I have petty issues and that I should be able to get over this myself. I also feel like if I go to a therapist, they are going to feel the same way…that I should be able to work through my “issues” myself, that this just isn’t important enough. I mean everyone has issues with their parents. right?? C’mon, grow up…get over it. That’s how I have been living my life for 20 yrs. I have always said that I don’t blame my parents, they did the best they could…they didn’t know any better…they thought they were doing the right thing. Well I have come to the realization that I’m not over it, I can’t move on. I have been lying to myself for years. I just don’t know how to move on. I’m 39 yrs old and I can’t move past this. They should have known better, they should have known that you cherish a child and encourage a child and make that child feel that they are the center of their world…not make that child feel that she is an embarrassment to them…that they are ashamed of them. That when an uncle does something inappropriate to that child that they feel safe enough to go to their parents. *********, I have such resentment, I haven’t achieved things in my life because I thought I wasn’t capable of them. I’m overweight and have been since I was six when they put me on my first diet and made me feel that there was something wrong with me and never hesitating to tell me. My father’s pet name for me…”the fat chick” telling me that boys will only go out with me because they think I'm easy…telling me not to hang around with my beautiful girlfriend because I look ridiculous next to her…on and on and on and on. Now I come across as a strong successful woman. I have the most incredible husband who does nothing but encourage me, I have a great career as a catering director, I have good friends and now my parents never hesitate to tell me how proud they are of me. Why can’t I get over this and move on? My life is wonderful now…I only have certain moments when I freak out. I moved away from my family…the only one to do it…and now I get a hero’s welcome when I go home. Yet I know how judgmental they are. I’m going home for Thanksgiving and I’m a wreck. I’m working myself into such a tizzy about this…making my life and my husbands life miserable. Uuuuggghhhh…this all sounds so petty. I didn’t realize when I started typing this that I would go on and on. Not sure what I’m asking or looking for here, but all….thanks for listening. I could go on for days, but I’ll end it now. Thanks again.

kim simone · 11-11-2002, 02:36 PM

Soochr,

You have legimate concerns. You have a right to your feelings, and if things bother you, you need to address them. No matter how petty others may think them to be. I am 39 too and have held on to anger over somethings that happened to me in middle school that effected my life greatly! I moved at 12, became "the new kid", was teased incessantly by other girls for the next 3 years! Teachers didn't help, parents didn't help, and it made my self esteem about as low as it could go. I still have issues meeting and dealing with women. It may seem petty to others, but these events helped to determine the person I am today.

See your therapist, seek help, and try to work through it all. I think you'll be very glad you did!

Wishing you the best!

Kim

timetotransform · 12-14-2002, 03:49 PM

If you feel anxious about being around your parents, or perhaps like you did when you were a child and they were putting you down, then there's things to be dealt with. A therapist is a good idea, I think. As you are growing up, your parents have a big influence on your life. I think it may be even harder now that your parents tell you how proud they are of you. You feel guarded around them, like you did when you were a kid, but they aren't acting the same. It's hard to know what to believe or to trust. Is your guard up? If so, should you let your guard down?

Good luck!