Hey Okie Gal,
it may make you feel better to know that what you are suffering from is actually a psychological disorder and does NOT mean you are a bad person.
These thoughts are very typical of a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder. You may want to check out the "obsessions and OCD" board. The nasty thing about this disorder is that it tends to grip you exactly where you are most vulnerable... like you are a very religious person (I am too, by the way) and you KNOW you love God... and the MEAN OCD sneaks those thoughts into your mind just to make you feel bad...
But really it is a brain chemistry thing, it is actually an abnormality in the brain, and it can be treated! Meds as well as therapy work.
You are NOT a bad person.
Maybe just knowing that makes you feel better already. One thing I can tell you is that trying to fight the thoughts, or performing long rituals to cleanse you of them or punish yourself... is counterproductive. The more you try to resist OCD thoughts, the more they usually bother you. Knowing that those thoughts do NOT make you a bad person, maybe you will be able to just "watch them like a parade" (a priest actually told me that one) and not let them affect you one way or the other. They are NOT YOU, they are your OCD!!!!
I also recommend the book "Brain Lock" by a guy by the last name of Schwartz, I forget the first name. My therapist and I worked with it, it helped me a lot.