Problems with Son - Need Advice - Mental Health Message Board

Jennyo · 09-15-2003, 01:29 PM

I am looking for some good advice on where to start. My son is 15. He is: angry, depressed, has very low self-esteem; shows feelings of hopelessness and no hope for the future; is mean to his younger brother; hates his father. I know that he is occasionally smoking pot although he denies it to the hilt and I have not actual proof, and lately has become fascinated with drinking.

But at other times he is fine. He struggles academically in school, but does well socially and has many friends. He does not play sports but spends a great deal of time outdoors biking, skating, dirtbike, etc.

I have mentioned to him several times over the last few years that counseling and perhaps medication may help him get over these issues he has, but he is refusing to go. I feel that if I don't enforce this that he will hurt someone or himself and I am not sure what to do at this point.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

j3nuinebrui17 · 09-15-2003, 01:40 PM

It definitely sounds like he's having a hard time right now. I'm not an MD, so please don't take my suggestion as one, but it sounds like he may be depressed. Children tend to manifest depression differently from adults in that they become irritable, exhibit academic difficult, concentration difficulties, etc.
I really think you should have him see a psychiatrist to diagnose him and set the best treatment plan. Only a trained professional (specialized in adolescent psychiatry) will know what's best. You are the mother and the adult, so you are the one who know's what's best for your son. He may be resistent and resentful at first, but it is for his own good. Besides, this is only for a consultation. Try to persuade him in a way that will make him feel like he still has control over the situation. Perhaps compromise with him. Tell him that this will only be a consulatation visit. If the doctor says he's ok, then you'll leave him alone. You know what's best for your son.

I wish you the best of luck. Take care!

Jennyo · 09-15-2003, 02:06 PM

Thank you so much. Just seeing my words and your response makes a big difference. I think I've decided to make an appointment and inform him that we are going for a consultation and see what happens.

ash_elizabeth · 09-18-2003, 11:38 AM

When I read this it reminded me of myself. He's 15? That's how many teenagers are, I was exactly the way you described him, I was very intelligent but hated school so didn't try, frusterated with everyone and I mean everyone, basically the world, my mom also had no idea what to do with me, she'd see me have a million friends and always thought that if I acted with them as I did with my family then they wouldn't be around, which was true. You must remember your teenager years, for some people it's extremely difficult, I know it was for me, and really there wasn't a single outstanding issue that was making me as angry as I was, it was everything. I got caught drinking at his age and even a couple years before, and honestly bsides locking him in the house you can't do too much, pretty much everyone I knew in high school and nearly everyone I wasn't friends with drank every weekend, probably because of bordem, you're not old enough to do a lot of things, you feel restricted and it's annoying. Same idea with drugs you're experimenting you get a bit of a rush you don't feel like yourself and you like it. I know you asked a long time ago about this, but I'm not really a regular so I just stumbled across it and thought I'd tell you that I could pretty much bet money on it that he will be fine. However counselling wouldn't be such a bad idea it could be beneficial and also because he's a guy he may not have people to get into his problems with, this could give him an outlet we all know sometimes just saying what's on our mind makes us feel better. He will resist but try to explain that there isn't anything wrong with him, my parents threatened me with that for years and I kinda wish they had gone through with it, could of made it easier for me, but oh well. Anyway good luck, he sounds normal to me!

Bonnie1892 · 09-19-2003, 01:07 AM

I agree with the poster above. It sounds like your son is going through typical teenage difficulties that a lot of kids experience. I'm not sure that putting him on the meds right away is the best idea. I do, however, think that speaking to a counselor or psychologist. would be a good idea for him. It sounds like he's just bored to be honest. Is he involved in any organization, clubs, teams? If not, that is probably part of the reason he is out with friends all the time and getting into the alcohol, drugs, etc. Is he being challenged at school? Are there people at school that care about his progress?

Perhaps seeing a psychologist will help him get back on track at school and away from hanging out with a bad crowd. Sometimes kids just need someone to talk to. He is probably going to put up a fight about going, but if you just reassure him that it's totally normal and he's not weird for going then he might be more receptive.

I'm not a professional or anything....this is just my take of the situation. Only you know the best course of treatment for your son. Just treat him like a normal kid and don't single out his "problems". I think that he's just feeling normal teenage pressure and maybe needs to talk about it and make a plan to stay on track. A psychologist can also be able to tell you if medication is the best idea for him. After talking to him for a few sessions they will have a better feel of the situation and if medication is needed they can refer him to a psychologist or to a GP for the meds. Sometimes psychiatrists can be so quick to prescribe medication. Your son might not even need that. Just do whatever you think is best and don't treat him as odd for having to go. So many more people visit psychologists and psychiatrists than you'd think.

Good luck!
Bonnie

[This message has been edited by Bonnie1892 (edited 09-19-2003).]