my insecurities make me cry and want to die - Mental Health Message Board

heavenisnevaeh333 · 09-28-2003, 07:53 AM

I'm having a major problem in my life (again). I'm 20 years old, I just broke up with my fiance and father of my child of four years to sleep with my 17 year old neighbor. I've talked to alot of people and alot seem to feel that I am very insecure with myself. I beleive it. I don't know why I would like this guy next door who one minute wants to have sex with me and the next minute tells me to never call him again, then next night invites me over his house and then next day tells me to leave him alone. It's driving me nuts that he's acting this way towards me. I don't like it when people hate me and I feel i'm on a mission to get this guy to like me. I don't even really like him anymore, it's just the fact that he doesn't like me and am I so insecure with myself that it feels like the end of the world when someone doesn't like me.

My fiance has told me he fogives me because no matter what he'll always love me. I know that is true love and I love him. But I feel there is something missing in my life. Is it me that i'm missing? I feel so lost and I ran to my punk neighbor to find the answer? What is wrong with me? Why can't I accept the fact that he hates me and move on with my life like I should really care what an immature guy thinks about me? But the problem is that I do care and it's ruining my life.

Please don't tell me to get over him because if it was as simple as that...it would of been done. I need desperate help. I need to find the source that is driving me mad.

Redo71 · 09-28-2003, 11:45 PM

Its the same void I have in everything. It feels as if no matter how complete your life would make anybody else, inside nothing is right. Its almost a deep inner depression, but its not the same depression that everybody else has. Its hard to describe it, but I believe I have the same problem. Its almost a loss of life inside yourself. Your not happy with your neighbor, not happy with your husband, and theres nothing else that would make you happy. Maybe it is depression, but all the doctors do is perscribe me what they feel like giving me and then it ****s me up even worse, so I just dont know what to do either.

heavenisnevaeh333 · 09-29-2003, 12:22 PM

hi redo
yes, nothing in my life ever satisfies me. I remember for so long I cried because I wanted to have a bigger apartment with two bedrooms and I wanted so much...to my surprise, I got what I wanted but better and to this day...it's still not making me happy. I get what I want and in the end i'm not satified. I'm starting to wonder if it's the challenge of getting what I want that I enjoy and not the ending outcome because comes the end...im still unhappy. Kind of like christmas, I absolutely love the anticipation, it drives me crazy and makes me and happy and cheerful and gives me something to look forward too, but on crhistmas morning, i'm as depressed as ever and come crhistmas night...forget it, mine as well shoot me because i'm already counting down 365 days untill the next xmas.

Redo71 · 09-29-2003, 02:25 PM

What scares me about that is its a sign of bi polar disorder. My family has tons of mental problems, and right now I see my aunt starting to spend her money. She has bought 3 houses within the year, and it is really getting insane. I know I am the same way, I just dont have money to spend. When I do get what I want, its still the same, now I have it, now what? Its happy knowing your going to get it then after you have it, something else needs to make you happy.
Its horrible, the only thing to look forward to is something new, before you aquire it.
As for what to do I cant help too much, I guess seeing a doctor is the best choice, but they cant help me at all. The best thing they could do was put me on benzos (valium), but it gave me horrible tremors and I had to stop. If you can be helped, the doctor can give you something and it most likely will work. Medications are usually hit or miss in this catagory. Ever try fish oil before?