damaged

I don't know what to do anymore. I'm ruining my relationship w/my husband because he is getting so tired of my mood swings.

It seems I'm always mad at him about something. He thinks I have a split personality or something. I don't think I have that. But he says I constantly change my mind. Like I will say I'm moving out and then the next day things will be fine.

I feel depressed a lot. Sometimes I don't even want to get out of bed. I just want to sleep.

A lot of times I feel like he is against me or that he don't like me or something.

I'm always thinking the worst of things. If he is late from work or something I think he is seeing someone else. If he is on the computer, I think he must be talking to someone else especially when he is on his email or a game.

Lately everytime we go aroudn to my sister's house or something I think he likes her. I say he likes her more than me and stupid stuff like that.

I'm always thinking there is someone else or he might like someone else better.

Or I think he don't care about me a lot. If he don't show me a lot of attention some days then I get really depressed and assume he don't love me or something. And sometimes I leave and go walking and stay gone for a while.

Some times when we are together or going somewhere I get really happy and talk a lot to him and feel like i Have a lot of energy to do things. Then other times I just sit there and don't talk to him at all or answer his questions. I act like I don't care about anything. And I get paranoid about everything.

and then there are times I assume I can't do anything right or good enough for him.

I've even told him I wanted to get divorced.

I have scratched my arms before w/my nails. I don't do that anyore though. Because I thought he didnt love me or didn't think I was pretty.

Why am I so paranoid and in low moods a lot? Why do I always think he is against me or that there is someone else?

Some days I feel fine too.

I'm not just like that with him. I lash out w/my mom and if I get really upset I will throw things or turn things over. Slam doors and cry or get upset.

What is wrong w/me?

But later I feel normal and I see things I tore up when I was mad. And I think nothing is wrong with me because I feel normal But normal people don't do this right?

Do I have a mental disorder or am I just a moody and sensitive person?

He says I'm never happy and that I always want more.

Like I wanted to move because I wasn't happy in that house so we did and now I'm not happy there either. I say things like I feel like a prisoner. Why can't I ever be happy. And I love to go shopping. That makes me happy getting new stuff like makeup but after I run out of money I'm depressed again. Like nothing new to look forward too.

And he says I'm always complain about him. Like he's not affectionate enough or something.

Why can't I just be happy?

What's wrong?

[This message has been edited by damaged (edited 09-29-2003).]