Finally, i’ve came up with a way to explain to everyone why i am the way i am.
I was speaking to a friend earlier on, and he was talking about Runescape, A virtual online game. He was at Woodcutting level 66 and the max level you can reach is 99. He realised that he was going to be spending the next couple of days cutting (Maths are worked out for you) Trees down on a virtual game, and had to cut over 120,000 of them. Your max bag space is 28 and to keep the logs you need to run to a bank and deposit them. So for 28 in your bank and back to the tree again is about 5 minutes. I’m sure you can work out that his Christmas holiday was given up for a virtual game.
Anyways back to the point. He was saying, Whats the point? Why bother? I reasoned with him that, if you ask yourself that question to everything, in the end whats the point in life? He laughed and said fair enough.
This is my point. What IS the point in Life? Whether your like me, or more simple minded, you surely have to ask yourself the question. My mind works in complicated ways, unfortunately. For example, i’d see something in front of me, and just looking at it would give you the answer. However i have to work around it, in the most complicated way you could imagine. I’d take x10 longer doing it this way. When i get the answer, i look at it again and i think, woah, is it really that simple?
Anyways back on track. I’ve been playing (or addicted you could say, not bothered), World of Warcraft for the past 4-5years now. And i’ve been a gamer since i was about 7 years old. In front of a computer. Why? Because in the end, all you are doing is nothing. There isn’t a bigger waste of time in your LIFE, than sitting on a computer, playing games. It has no benefits, apart from pleasure? You could sit infront of your computer and do nothing, just look at a black screen, and you’d still get no where in reality.
Speaking of Reality, whats the point in that aswell? When you where born, im sure you played with toys looking at the world pass by and all that. But when you come to the age where you have to start school, study for a job, you start to realise, where you are. However, never ask yourself, Why?
When you get to the age of when you start work, this is the time when it really hits you. You work, you Sleep, you play. The 3 8’s. 24hours in a day. 3x8=24. So you have sections in your day, for when you do certain things (On average) 8Hours Sleep. 23:00-7:00. 8Hours Work. 7:00-15:00. 8Hours Play. 15:00-23:00.
You whole life is about surviving. You work to get money, to pay for the roof your under, and to eat and drink. You Sleep to recuperate, for the next working time. You play, to pass your time by till you can start working again.
Why Bother? In the end, you die, you do not remember anything, so why? Whats the point?
Funny thing with pleasure is, when its over, you feel like you never did it. Sure, you remember it, but you miss the memories, which makes you want to do it again.
I play these games, not out of enjoyment, but a way to pass the time. At least thats how i feel why i play games at the moment.
I feel sorry for myself, I find things so unattractive. I don’t find going out getting drunk attractive. I don’t find watching tv attractive. I don’t find drugs attractive. I don’t find, tbh anything attractive except woman. (Plus side maybe?) And obviously games. I look at my family, and they moan at me for not spending time with them, but i come to the conclusion that what they do i don’t like. Sit down stairs and watch tv, talk etc. I also find, in the end, whats the point in going the carnival, or out for a nice meal, when i can have beans on toast and keep full anyways? Spending the money you earn on over priced food, when i can use alot less on the same thing?
The thing with women though, is, im told so many times how good looking i am, (by friends and ofc my mum.)[Also a good Physiec, however you spell it] but the only time ive kissed a girl was when she was drunk, and i was drunk, but it took advantage of it.(she was nice looking though). Is it because im THAT good looking that girls find it scary to approach me? I cant approach woman because i dnt have the confidence to do so, and the pain of being rejected is too much for me to handle. TBH, i’d prefer people to tell me i’m ugly, rather than having to go through (in my mind), people telling me lies, about me, to make me feel good. In the end it isn’t good for me at all. It just hurts me even more.
Most of all, i feel embaraced about things that i don’t find attractive, so im afraid of doing it (continusly, or people watching me as i do it).
However, I ask myself, Why cant i find these things attractive? Why do i look at my life negatively all the time? Why cant i change and be simple, like everyone else, and enjoy what i have while i have it? The answer is because im to complicated. I think outside the box and ask myself the question, WHATS THE POINT IN THIS? IN THE END ITS ALL GONE ANYWAY!
I’m sure i’ve missed a few things i wanted to ask, or express. But thats pretty much it.
I don’t know if its just me at the moment being self-pitiful, but maybe it is something Physcological?
This is why i posted it here, Maybe its a health issue?
NOTE: Something you should consider, I am a student, Studying Electronic Engineering. 18 years of age.
Wow. This post is SO similar to me. The only reason I actually came on here was BECAUSE I was trying to find a way to pass the time. I've been a gamer all my life as well, and you're totally right about the futility of gaming, and how we really just use it to pass the time.
If you're fed up of gaming, do something else. I've tried to quit it numerous times and failed, and I think it's mainly because I have nothing to fill my time with. I'm aiming to change that though, I started playing the guitar about a year ago and that helped. I'm also waiting to start work, which I'm hoping will give me a bit of purpose for the next year (on a gap year from university right now.
The point I'm trying to make is that in my opinion, gaming gives quite hollow rewards, which can seem very dull when you realise they don't actually mean anything. Do you have any hobbies? If not maybe you should consider picking something up to improve yourself. Learn a language or an instrument. For me, playing the guitar is very rewarding, although I never used to think it would be.
I'm in exactly the same place as you with girls. The only time I've kissed a girl is when we were both drunk, and she was pretty hot too. People tell me I'm good looking and yet I've never had a girlfriend and I've often thought exactly what you think about "what if girls feel intimidated by me?". I could give so much advice here, but all I'll say is that if you really want a girlfriend you can have one. It just takes a bit of effort to go and find her.
I also think things through WAY too thoroughly. I can't allow my mind to be quiet. Even when I'm just sitting alone I'll be debating some philosophical question in my head, and it's been like this for years. Recently I thought about starting to practice meditation. Maybe this could help you clear your head a little? It's at least worth a look into anyway.
In answer to your question as a whole, "what's the point?", nobody can really answer that for you. Every man will ask that question at some point in his life, and every man has a different answer. There is no definitive "point" to life. For me, I try to see things as simply as possible. We are life-forms in this huge universe, and we all have a finite lifespan. While I'm here, what I'd like to do is experience as much of the world as possible, so that one day I can die knowing that I've not missed out on anything while I was here.
You need to find what you consider to be your "point", however you can.
I've spoke to a few people on my MSN about this post, and they too said they feel the same way. Its nice to know that there are people that share the same feelings as you, and are able to talk about them without feeling regret of telling them about it.
Hobbies? i've had numerous hobbies over the years, including, Crafting (Warhammer 40K), Playing the violin(Teacher said i was one of his best sudents), Watching Football (Liverpool fan here), Playing football (However my ankle has been having some trouble for the past 2-3 years and only recently been to see the doctor to sort it out), Being with Friends(however they tend to be doing the things i do not find 'attractive', like mentioned in my previous post), I use to like drawing but because i havnt done it in awhile, i may be rubbish and wont bother trying. Maybe i should, just get stuck in and practice?
The reasons why i didnt continue all the hobbies is because Gaming then took over, and i've thought, why do that when i can game and enjoy myself better, but at times like this, i think, maybe i shouldnt have done that, maybe i should have done the other thing instead of Gaming.
With Football, Watching Football is limited, 2hours roughly. Whenever its on i will watch it, as i follow LFC Quite alot. I go to the Games, and pay for tickets etc. But when thats over, i find myself in the same possition, GAMING!
With WoW, however, i was afraid of falling behind, as its a game that you need to pay constant attention to, too keep up with everyone else. If you dont, its hard to catch up. Being in a guild doesnt help either, and letting them down is something i dont like doing. However i've managed to overcome that, and i've deleted World Of Warcraft from my computer to stop that altogether. However, i've done that before and redownloaded it as friends where wanting me to come back. I'm just hoping i have the will power to say no.
Meditation looks like a good idea, I'll definitely look into it.
Funny enough, a Girl i know, asked me to go watch a movie with her and 4 of her friends. This may be a chance for me to try and work on the problems i think i have. She said 2 of her friends would like to see me, so i can try look for signs that girls tend to show when they're interested in you.
Reading your post brought plenty of things that i could do, to mind. It's just getting up off my Backside to go do them.
I think its definetly time to pull my finger out, and start trying, and just accept that i am here and why we are here and that no matter what happens, we are here, and we should accept it and try our best in everything we do.