--Sorry for the length, I just wrote down everything I could think of right now--
I've had a history of drugs and about two months ago I overdosed on a LOT
of sleepingpills and antidepressants.
I was in the hospital hallucinating for a day straight and it took about 4-5 days for all the obvious symptoms (twitching and such)
to fully leave. I've pretty much cleaned up but things are still weird. I've always had trouble sleeping but now, starting about 3 weeks to a month it's changed slightly. I used to just be too restless and jumpy to sleep but now I'm scared to try. I'll be attempting to sleep but various reasons stop me and I won't sleep till about 6-7 am, and only two or so hours at a time because of:
- Paranoid feelings. I used to sleep on my side but now I sleep on my back otherwise it feels as though I'm being watched. Sometimes it even briefly feels like someone touches me, or they're lightly blowing on my face.
- Feelings that inanimate objects have malicious intent. I've had to leave my room because it's felt like it was going to harm me. I've written pages about how my room is angry at me, and that it was getting more mad that I was writing that down.
- It sometimes feels like there's bugs crawling over me, I have pages where I've written things such as "The spider keeps crawling out of my ear"
- If I imagine that someone/something is watching me, regardless of where (ex. the park, when I'm at home) it feels like they can still see me miles away.
- I always hear a clock ticking loudly, but I have no clocks in my room.
- I can hear subtle murmered voices from my air duct. Or when i go downstairs it sounds like someone is yelling upstairs. Sometimes it looks like things move at me, kinda like suddenly twitch forward momentarily and I have to jump away from them. (Ex. doors slamming open, or shut)
- It can feel like I can't leave my room because my doorway is challenging me, and I'm too scared to go near it. Or that all the walls are watching me.
Usually when these happen i panic and start to hyperventilate or cry, but sometimes I manage to calm myself down and it embrace it, or just get mad and I've punched walls sometimes, because of it. I've always had super bad mood swings, or if i get to a point where I get really happy, my mind will come up with reasons for why I shouldn't be and I immediately get confused. My friends say I'm the CrazyOne cause half the time I have no idea whats going on -- I can sometimes get paranoid that my friends are mad at me, or trying to leave me and things like that.
Other times, I don't feel like myself at all. i've always had a storyline in my head, kinda a different world, and escape world, I guess...with people with their own unique lives and such that I'm thinking about lots, and I get really wrapped up in it sometimes. but there are days where even THAT feels foreign, which scares me most.
My doctor refered me to a Psyciatrist but my parents have to fill out a form before they find someone, and they've been delaying it. I'm also terrifyed of medication. But these things have just been getting worse and worse and I'm worried that it's going to start getting dangerous, cause I'm really good at convincing myself that things are real, even though they aren't.
Basically, I'm just wondering if my overdose triggered anything in my mind, like a preexisting condition.. or if these are just longlasting symptoms that will go away without proffesional help.