Brain fog & confusion.. ptsd or neuro?
I know there are other topics on this board regarding similar feelings and I am reading them but just wanted to post to get this off my chest.
Several years ago I was in an abusive and crazy relationship with a very dangerous man who was involved with many illegal activities. I was young-ish and he was exciting and at first it really felt like I was in a movie, but eventually I ended up witnessing horrible & violent things happen to him, others, and myself, and it left me mentally destroyed. It's been over 4 years since the events and I still have terrible nightmares almost nightly. We are no longer in contact and god willing will never be again.
After that I was a mess and got psychiatric help and also therapy. I was put on a variety of medications and did CBT for a while and after several months of antidepressants I felt very detached from reality. I stopped them and continued counseling but the detachment didn't go away. Over time, it's gotten to where I feel very.. confused.. a lot. I also often feel like I could fall asleep or pass out at any second although I haven't. My eyes lose focus constantly, and sometimes time passes for me like it's on fast forward, or maybe it's just that I don't have short term memory of what happened before so it feels like time is moving faster.
People that I know say that I am greatly improved, and mood-wise I am. I don't feel depressed anymore like I used to, and the anxiety is more about normal things than someone sneaking into my house and slitting my throat or whatever, but the feeling is not going away. I also find it very hard to talk and listen to people. someone could talk to me for 10min and I can't focus on what they say enough to even know what the conversation was about.
I also have this weird numbness in my body, like especially in my face/mouth, and it feels like I'm walking in a dream sometimes. Every now and then the room will get really foggy and I'll ask someone what that is and they act like I'm crazy because it's not really foggy.
I have assumed thus far that this is a result of PTSD, but it has been a REALLY LONG TIME and seems to not be getting better. Could it be neurological? I'm actually planning to change jobs soon and I'm scared to start treatment without a way to pay to continue it although I guess I should.. It's probably more important than I know, anyway. Is it possible that traumatic events can cause actual brain damage though?? Or is it just a mental thing I can overcome..
thanks for reading, i feel like a freak right now..!