I'm so tired of being angry all the time, and my family is starting to suffer
To make a long story longer (sorry), I quit my job on May 28 (my kids' last day of school, and one week before my husband started truck driving school). I really, truly wanted to be a stay-at-home mom after returning to work after the births of my three children (ages 6, 5 and 9 months). My husband was in school for three weeks, then started his new job. In a nutshell, I went from almost never seeing my kids (I was gone from 6:45 a.m. to 6:30 p.m.) to seeing them 24/7 by myself (my husband is an over-the-road truck driver and is gone for approximately 23-25 days out of the month).
I thought it would get better once the older two started school back in August and it was just the baby and me at home. It is better during the day when it's quiet and peaceful, but as soon as the boys get home, all hell breaks loose. They need help with their homework, which I want to help them with, but then the baby fusses and nothing calms him, I have to get dinner ready, have to break up their arguments/toy stealing/etc. And, my 5 year old was recently diagnosed with ADHD.
I walk around pretty much constantly ****** off and irritated, and the *smallest* things that the boys do really just set me off. I'm tired of yelling and screaming, and bitching and complaining to them. I've never physically hurt them (nor will I ever) but I can see how my constant bitchy/irrational/angry moods are starting to affect them.
I'm tired of being a bad mom. I'm tired of yelling at them for something ridiculously trivial and watching their faces crumple and the look of confusion. I'm tired of being so GD tired all the time. (A lot of it is because I stay up late-ish at night because it's the only peace and quiet I have. I don't mean 1:00 or 2:00 a.m.--I'm usually in bed by 11 and then up at 6 a.m.)
I love my children desperately and I want to be the best mom I can. I'm tired of taking my anger and frustration (for what, I have no clue) out on them. I'm doing a lot of damage, and I'm sitting here crying.
Is there anyone else who's in my position who can offer advice? I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired (and so GD angry).