What's wrong with me?
Hi, I'm fairly new here, but I'm starting to get concerned. I've never been especially good at dealing with death. In my younger days, I read a lot of fantasy novels, and eventually came to believe in destiny and fate. I tend to think of God as this peripheral figure in life, but for some reason I always thought fate was an entirely separate entity.
When my great-grandmother and grandfather passed away, I simply attributed it to fate. I had no tears to cry. Everyone around me thought I was very strong for keeping my emotions in check, but the scary part is, it really wasn't all that hard. I felt an absence in my soul when they passed on, but after a while it resolved itself, and I eventually moved on in life.
Still, sometimes I wonder if I'm losing touch. I have such a difficult time mourning the people who are close to me, yet after the disaster at the WTC and the Pentagon, I couldn't stop the tears from coming. I cried for people I don't even know, as if they were my family. I also weep for myself when I'm depressed or in pain. I've spent a lot of time wondering why this is, and I still haven't found any answers. I used to think that I simply put up boundaries to deal with the pain, but now I'm starting to think that I might just be extremely selfish. Has anyone else ever felt this way, or am I going completely crazy?
I'd really like to talk with someone about this, because there is a lot more to the story. Any advice would be appreciated.