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Old 10-20-2010, 11:54 PM   #1
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hubber HB User
A number of things. Please help.

I have been keeping this to my self. I'm apprehensive about telling my parents and friends. Also, I am 19 years old. I know that this is a lot to read, but please do if you have the time.

I no longer feel mentally stable. In the past I've had troubles with social anxiety and depression (not sure if that's even relevant). This all started over the summer one day when I was smoking weed before my parents came home. I was quite paranoid, but usually could calm myself down because I was good at covering my tracks. Something was different about that day because I started losing control. My train of thought became erratic and focusing was very difficult. I no longer felt like my calm self. I felt lightheaded/fuzzy and mentally exhausted. When I was feeding the horses I thought I saw a dark figure out of the corner of my eye lurking underneath the back porch. I looked closer and it was nothing. Strange and abnormal thoughts started creeping into my head defying my normal rationale. Additionally, I started hearing noises from time-to-time. Once, it sounded like there was a wasp's nest upstairs buzzing so I could just barely hear it. Another time I heard a voice say "Help me." in my bed at night. I'm worried about myself, as things just aren't the same. Since then I haven't heard any noises, but I have had visual hallucinations. The most recent one was about a week ago. I was sitting in my bed and started to get afraid of the darkness (usually it isn't a problem at all) I started thinking of paranormal stuff and got really worried that there might be ghosts afoot (example of the abnormal/irrational thoughts). I opened my eyes and swore I saw the outline of a screaming face looking at me for a second. It's weird how I can drag myself down mentally into these states.

- Heavy marijuana use over the summer up through the beginning of this school year. I've been cutting down and trying to ween myself off of it lately.

- I often feel on edge. Rarely do I feel comfortable.

- Depression and lots of negative thinking. Parents made me get help and I was prescribed Effexor. I never took any of it. Last year I was on Zoloft and didn't like the side effects. I don't like the idea of antidepressants anyways.

- Recurrent thoughts of suicide.

- Paranoia, especially social. I didn't smoke in public anymore because things got too uncomfortable. Sometimes it's difficult walking to class because I feel like people are looking at me and how weird I am. Always worrying about what other people could potentially be thinking.

- Laziness, decreased motivation.

- Often feel like breaking down and crying, and I have. Emotional frustration. I'm frustrated that this is what I've become.

- I feel tired a lot more than I used to. Maybe because I worry so much.

- I've never been an especially outgoing person, but I've started avoiding people. I don't get into conversations like I used to. Social interaction doesn't feel right. I can only be comfortable when I'm alone. I don't make eye contact when I talk much anymore. Giving and taking in a normal conversational setting is just so difficult.

- I'm a lot twitchier than I used to be.

- Also there are times when I get random sweats from waves of heat. Usually when I'm quite uncomfortable, but not always.

I just don't feel in control of my life anymore. I plan on sending a copy of this to my university's Health Services to get in contact with a doctor and a therapist. Enough is enough. Any input is welcomed. Could it be possible I'm developing paranoid schizophrenia? Also, thanks for reading all of that it was a doozy

 
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Old 10-21-2010, 04:29 PM   #2
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Re: A number of things. Please help.

Hubber....good for you for sending a copy to the university health services. You don't sound anything like a paranoid schizophrenic but you do have something going on. And the first thing they probably need to do is check you for toxicity from the weed.....you have to remember the guys who grow it used all sorts of fertilizers, insecticides and other stuff on it to make it grow really fast. Even a home gardener knows that you can't eat anything for several days after spraying but these guys don't care. They dry it covered with chemicals making it even more toxic. Chances are you may have some insecticide or chemical toxicity. Your symptoms match some of that.

Once they check you for that stuff, then they can get down to figuring out what is wrong, why you feel this way. There's no shame in having emotional problems....the shame comes when you don't get help and someone innocent gets hurt as a result. A lot of people need help but only the brave get it.

So get off the weed and see the docs at your school and get this moving.

good luck...........Jenny

 
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Old 10-22-2010, 02:30 PM   #3
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WanderingAround HB UserWanderingAround HB UserWanderingAround HB User
Re: A number of things. Please help.

As for the marijuana use in some cases, although rare, the active chemical compounds in marijuana can cause psychotic breaks in individuals.
I've never personally had any issues, but it's possible.
I highly recommend continuing to cut down your use until you KNOW it's not a factor.
As to what the poster above said, although rare, there could be something in the way it was grown, so if you really don't want to totally quit, try a different dealer. *Disclaimer: I do not condone drug use.*
Good for you for sending it to the medical center, they can help you more than we can on here.

Honestly, it sounds like some sort of chemical imbalance in your brain. I don't know how you feel about medication but don't rule it out, and if you are prescribed something, take it AS PRESCRIBED. A medication taking incorrectly can have more negative consequences than not taking a medication. Also, talk to your doctor. Don't let him/her prescribe you something that you aren't comfortable with.
I went on Prozac two years ago for a year and it "evened me out" and brought me out of a fog of depression...I had a serious serotonin deficiency, hence the magic of an SSRI for me.

Best of luck.
-Wandering.

Last edited by WanderingAround; 10-22-2010 at 02:32 PM.

 
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