Pardon the dumb title, but I wanted it to catch the eye of someone. I'll first give an introduction to my troubles then explain it more in depth. I'm hoping someone can help me get by this.
Essentially, I believe that the social atmosphere I grew up in through high school and playing sports (hockey) has directly affected my way of life.
I didn't have a good experience through my childhood and I could classify myself as an outcast growing up. The experience that I was put through during high school and playing sports is somehow correlated with school and sports that I am in now. My family life has always been great and I am very thankful for that, and over the past years my social conscience has greatly increased for the better but there are still remnants that are still existent today.
For example: I've been playing summer hockey for the past couple summers with some friends (not very good friends, but good friends) and yet I feel like an outcast, and basically separate from everyone else. However, outside of this atmosphere.. say at a party.. I feel at home with these people and I am a different person. The same goes for school. I did not have a good time in high school and it was the worst time of my life. I had the same outcast feeling where I felt as though I couldn't do anything and I was severely lacking confidence. Now today, I still get that uneasy feeling of being alone even when in a crowd, I do not make friends easy and approachability sometimes seems like a hefty task. If I was able to appreciate being a more individualized person then I would be in heaven, but I'm not, and I wish I was. I'm not trying to make this sound terrible because it's not and I'd also like to point out that maybe my perception of life isn't so bad, and that I make it out to be terrible...I can't say.
I have friends in University and I do good, but sometimes there is that sinking feeling that overcomes me that I am not socially all there like my peers but other times I feel on top of the world and that I'm able to conquer anything. It's terrible, and even right now typing this it doesn't seem like an issue because I now feel like a complete different person outside of school.
I am an extremely confident person, both in my looks and in my mental capabilities but these facts still exist. I can come to the conclusion that my current problems are correlated with my experience growing up in the hockey and school environments.
I drastically want this to change, as this causes me to not be a very happy person at times. I know if this little section of my life was erased that I would be a complete human being, able to do anything I want.
If you need me to explain anything just ask, and if you have any pointers as to how to control this then please feel free.
Last edited by superman11; 11-22-2010 at 05:00 PM.
You mention you are in University so I will assume you are somewhere between 18 and mid-20's. The reason I think your age matters is that in my experience social anxieties that do not stem from a chemical imbalance (such as GAD, depression, etc) ease up on their own. Younger folk are subjected to the stress of trying to fit in throughout middle school, high school and college. However, that stops (for the most part) after you exit school. I used to be painfully shy and felt like a complete outcast at all times. I was a complete misfit in school and thought poorly of by many people because I was so socially awkward. After I started working at 16, things got much better and have improved every year since. I now only occasionally feel awkward in any social situation.
I think what you are going through is normal. However, if you don't you might consider counseling or joining a group that does what you are most afraid of. For example, if you freeze up when talking, try joining Toastmasters. If you freeze up when people look at you, consider joining a drama class and be part of a play. That sort of thing. Do what scares you.
Thank you for the reassuring thought. For the second part, it's not as though I'm scared to be in social situations anymore.. I'm not afraid to talk to people or anything.. but it's very hard to explain.
Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 11-24-2010 at 05:51 PM.