A Strange case for a good life
Pardon the dumb title, but I wanted it to catch the eye of someone. I'll first give an introduction to my troubles then explain it more in depth. I'm hoping someone can help me get by this.
Essentially, I believe that the social atmosphere I grew up in through high school and playing sports (hockey) has directly affected my way of life.
I didn't have a good experience through my childhood and I could classify myself as an outcast growing up. The experience that I was put through during high school and playing sports is somehow correlated with school and sports that I am in now. My family life has always been great and I am very thankful for that, and over the past years my social conscience has greatly increased for the better but there are still remnants that are still existent today.
For example: I've been playing summer hockey for the past couple summers with some friends (not very good friends, but good friends) and yet I feel like an outcast, and basically separate from everyone else. However, outside of this atmosphere.. say at a party.. I feel at home with these people and I am a different person. The same goes for school. I did not have a good time in high school and it was the worst time of my life. I had the same outcast feeling where I felt as though I couldn't do anything and I was severely lacking confidence. Now today, I still get that uneasy feeling of being alone even when in a crowd, I do not make friends easy and approachability sometimes seems like a hefty task. If I was able to appreciate being a more individualized person then I would be in heaven, but I'm not, and I wish I was. I'm not trying to make this sound terrible because it's not and I'd also like to point out that maybe my perception of life isn't so bad, and that I make it out to be terrible...I can't say.
I have friends in University and I do good, but sometimes there is that sinking feeling that overcomes me that I am not socially all there like my peers but other times I feel on top of the world and that I'm able to conquer anything. It's terrible, and even right now typing this it doesn't seem like an issue because I now feel like a complete different person outside of school.
I am an extremely confident person, both in my looks and in my mental capabilities but these facts still exist. I can come to the conclusion that my current problems are correlated with my experience growing up in the hockey and school environments.
I drastically want this to change, as this causes me to not be a very happy person at times. I know if this little section of my life was erased that I would be a complete human being, able to do anything I want.
If you need me to explain anything just ask, and if you have any pointers as to how to control this then please feel free.
Last edited by superman11; 11-22-2010 at 04:00 PM.