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Old 03-14-2011, 08:43 PM   #1
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Exclamation Different Mentaly?

I feel like I have no empathy, I don't care about anyone, when I receive a gift I feel awkward and don't know how to react or feel, but I like getting gifts. I feel very uncomfortable in any social setting. I have a history of animal cruelty, violence and anger problems. I seem to have mood swings. I am extremely sensitive to criticism. And I hate it when I am given advice that in any way insults me or that is negative to me but has a positive meaning. Its hard to explain that one, my dad is always trying to give me advice and help me when I don't want it. I am unable to trust anyone even my own parents. I am unable to make or keep friends. I love to watch people or animals in pain and I also like to cause it. I thought that I could have badly hurt someone or killed someone by now but I seem to be able to keep any urges under control by playing violent video games. What is wrong with me? If anything is on your mind about this, please share!

Last edited by Daynoe; 03-14-2011 at 08:44 PM.

 
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Old 03-19-2011, 10:11 PM   #2
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Hi Danoe: If you could answer some questions, we could maybe try to steer you in the right direction.

How old are you? If you are still in school, how do you do in school and how are you with your teachers? Do you get good grades?

Please also tell us if you have felt this way your whole life, or is this something that seems to have developed recently?

Is there anyone in your life that you really feel like you love? Not in a girlfriend kind of way, but like your mom or your dad or any brothers or sisters? Did you ever have a pet that you really loved?

Are you or have you ever used any drugs or medications?

And lastly (for now), have you ever been in any kind of legal trouble or gotten in trouble with school. For example, have you ever been suspended, and for what? Ever gotten in trouble with the police?

I know it's a lot of questions, but it would be really helpful to know a little more about you so we can provide some feedback to you. I really commend you for making the effort to talk about this and reach out for help. It can be very hard to do. I hope to her back from you.

 
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Old 04-06-2011, 01:40 AM   #3
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Hello, I am 19 years old. School hasn't been to good for me. I've had a real tuff time. I'm trying to finish my highschooling threw home schooling. But right now I am getting nowhere do to lack of motivation. And my grades are very well. I am a B student when I don't care for the course but I can be an A student whenever I want, providing I have the motivation.

I have been this way most of my life. It seems to escalate as time goes on.

Do I love anyone, I can't answer this. My parents care deeply about me but that care for me is pooshing me further away from them relationshiply speaking. They are threatening my comfortable life. And with my unpredictable moods I begin to think that they dislike me. That's fine with me, their pooshing me to leave and get a job. I don't know how much longer I can take the insults, criticism and constructive criticism.

I thought I might have loved my pet rat until I tortured and killed it. It turns out I might not be capable of love.

I used to be on anti depresents but they didn't do anything for me so I quite them. Up until three years ago I almost always peed the bed at night and in my earlier teens I took medication to help me with it. I have also been on many different pain medications.

I have been in big trouble. I once ran away from home after killing my pet rat. I was going to my old work place and was going to do one of those hostage situation things. I ended up going back home instead where I was eventually in hospital. After I conned my way out I eventually whent back to school. Then on the day back from winter holidays I took a six inch knife, a three inch knife, a fake home made bomb and a loaded pellet pistol to my school and pointed the gun at the receptionist and ordered her to back away from the desk. Long story short I was suspended indefinitely. I then landed back inside the same hospital where I conned my way out again. My parents then sent me to a different hospital because they didn't think the last one helped me. A week into the hospital program I got fed up with it and used my rights to get myself out of the hospital. A few months later I agreed to go back and finish the assessment so that my school would be comfortable enough to let me back. But it seems they had no intensions on letting me back. Oh yea the cops and I had a chat after the school thing because I had told them I wanted a cop to shoot me. As if I cared how it would have ruined his life. I don't care about anyone.

This is it in a nutshell. I hope I answered you the best I could.

 
Old 04-07-2011, 01:24 AM   #4
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Its interesting how many people have read this and only one has posted. Hmmmmmmm.

 
Old 04-07-2011, 07:25 PM   #5
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Hi there, I just saw your response. Thank you for responding. I know it's frustrating when people just read and don't respond or offer any advice.

Why have you been on pain medications? Do you mean like Advil or Aspirin? Or have you been on heavy pain killers like Vicodin or morphine? If so, why?

Have you read anything about personality disorders? I saw you had previously made a few different posts, and I'm not sure if you got any helpful responses.

Have you every felt depressed or sad? You said that you took antidepressants and I'm curious if you were very sad when you took them, or was there a different reason why the doctor gave them to you? Do you know what they diagnosed you with in the hospital?

I'm asking because what you're describing, if true, suggests that you may have some degree of antisocial personality disorder, or if not the disorder, at least traits of the disorder. This disorder cannot be diagnosed until someone turns 18, but evidence of the disorder is usually present while the person is in their teens. Have you read anything about this disorder? IF so, does it sound like it fits your situation? Are you under 18?

Based on your comments, you have experienced two of the three main hallmarks of people who have this type of personality (sometimes called antisocial or psychopathic). see below: Some people hear the words psychopathic and they think of a crazed killer but that's not the best description for the word. It means that the person affected has some deficits in moral reasoning and lacks the ability to feel certain complex emotions as well and having a hard time learning from their mistakes. The other thing is similar to what you have said about yourself, which is feeling empathy for other people. Many of people with this disorder are very intelligent/smart, which it sounds like you are. You said you do very well in school which indicates that you are smart.

The three main hallmarks of this disorder are (1) animal cruelty, (2) wetting the bed later into the teen years, and (3) history of fire setting. You didn't mention setting any fires. Let me know if you do have a history of this.

This can be a life long difficulty for people who suffer from this disorder, but some treatment can help you manage your behaviors, which can in turn reduce some stress in your life. You have to be willing to engage in the treatment though. Unfortunately, if you don't work hard in treatment, you may end up being involved in the criminal justice or legal systems. It sounds like you already have had several contacts with police.

Do you want to make progress and try to manage your behavior better, or are you just asking for feedback because you are curious about yourself?

It is a good thing that you are seeking help on this board. I hope some other people who read this would take a moment to respond, even if just to let you know they read it and are concerned.

 
Old 04-07-2011, 09:10 PM   #6
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Re: Different Mentaly?

I have been on some heavy duty pain medications to help with my arm. My doctor had a list of meds that could help me and I had to go threw them one by one until finally I found one that helped a little, unfortunately the pill mad me a little dumb while I was on it. A few years ago I slipped on some ice and got nerve damage in my arm. A few months past and I started to get better. But that summer I was electrocuted by a freak lightening strike, and the outcome of that was an extremely painful. The arm with the nerve damage was re-damaged. It took years to get better. I am no longer on any medications.

I have done a lot of research on all sorts of disorders. And no I didn't get any helpful responses from my other posts.

Yes I have been depressed, I can't say if I've been sad. In the hospital I think I was just diagnosed as being depressed, but they don't know half of what I have said on here. They thought the animal cruelty was just when I was depressed, but its been going on for years. And I only told them that I had killed my pet nothing more than that.

Yes I have read about antisocial personality disorder and I do think It fits my situation. I am 19 years 4 months old to this date.

I never thought about fire setting until you mentioned it. In my later year of elementary I got in trouble for arson and I put the blame on my best and only friend.

I'm not sure if I know how to answer your last question. Its the hardest one you've asked.

I hope I have answered to the best of my knowledge.
And thank you for posting.

Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 04-10-2011 at 12:27 PM.

 
Old 04-09-2011, 12:55 PM   #7
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Re: Different Mentaly?

I tried to see if I could fine the titles of any books that would be helpful for you with some "self-help" advice. I found some books about other personality disorders, which you might find helpful. Are you near Vancouver or are you in the interior in BC? You could go to a book store and look at the "self-help" section to see if there are any books that seem like they would be helpful to you. Or the library might be helpful too. There are a few psychologists that have written a lot about antisocial personality disorder (or psychopathy). They are Hervey Cleckley and Robert Hare. Robert Hare was a professor there at UBC for many years. This will probably only provide you with more information about APD. IF you are really just curious about this, you might want to check out what they have written and the research they have done for people that have similar problems as you do.

The other thing is to try to find some help through psychotherapy. I'm not a doctor, but I would think that medications will probably NOT be very helpful for you, unless you begin getting anxiety or you do start to feel sad. In that way, the medications could help with those symptoms, but medications are not going to change your personality. If this is truly what you are dealing with, this is a life-long issue that you will have to deal with. You really need someone that you can confide in who can help you live the best life possible for you with your disorder.

I'm not sure what the law in BC is about confidentiality, but what you tell a psychotherapist in the US is totally confidential. The therapist cannot tell other people what you have told them, UNLESS it is one of three things: (1) if something you tell the therapist leads them to believe that a child has been abused, (2) if you share information with that leads them to believe you are going to hurt yourself, or (3) if you tell them something that makes them think you are going to hurt someone else. If you describe a plan to a therapist that you are going to hurt yourself or another person, they are required by law to call the police and warn the person you are going to hurt. Outside of these three things, pretty much everything else you tell your therapist is private. If you do get a therapist, make sure you review with them ahead of time what is private and what isn't. I would want you to be informed about your rights as a patient.

I think you will probably be spared something like schizophrenia. Most people your age would already have had a "psychotic break" by now if they were going to develop schizophrenia. I really think what you are describing is antisocial personality disorder, also sometimes called psychopath or sociopath.

Finally, I know this is a long message, but keep in mind that there are some very successful people who share this disorder with you. There are a lot of very smart people who have APD. They definitely encounter some problems in life, which is why I would recommend therapy. AND, I would encourage you to keep thinking about the questions I asked (whether you are interested in getting better, or just curious). If you want to keep writing back and forth, I would love to keep chatting with you. You seem to be a very curious person who wants to know more about yourself. As I said above, I am not a psychiatrist, but I will share with you what I know. -B

 
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Old 04-11-2011, 08:08 AM   #8
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Chances are, judging by your description, that you're a psychopathic person
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Stay Mentally Alert - Arise the Mind

 
Old 04-11-2011, 11:55 AM   #9
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by bonsec View Post
Chances are, judging by your description, that you're a psychopathic person
Thank you for your post.

The more people that reassure me of my difference the more it fascinates me.

I need to do more studying on this.

This is a difficult predicament I'm in. I'm not sure what I will do next.

 
Old 04-12-2011, 07:54 PM   #10
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Hey Daynoe, are you distressed by your condition? Are you upset because you are different, or do these things (enjoying cruelty, etc) upset you in some way?

 
Old 04-12-2011, 11:28 PM   #11
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toonces1 View Post
Hey Daynoe, are you distressed by your condition? Are you upset because you are different, or do these things (enjoying cruelty, etc) upset you in some way?
No, I don't think it upsets me. Its just that my behavior type isn't welcome in today's society. And I need to fit in. I feel like I'm always studying people and myself.

One time in a hospital when I was being treated for depression with two other teens(male&female) I got comfortable enough to tell them that I had killed my pet rat. I think they might have been a little disturbed. When I look back at every time I have mentioned it either to those teens or posts on the internet I feel as if I might be bragging about it. I have even written a document fully explaining what I did and how I felt committing animal cruelty.

I find it impossible to go out and get a job. And with my online schooling its taken me over a year to complete a P.E class and come close to finishing another class.

I guess the only thing that upsets me is that it doesn't upset me.

 
Old 05-02-2011, 08:46 PM   #12
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Well, I wouldn't worry too much about whether other people think you are different. We are all different in many ways. I do think it's important though that you realize that many things that you want to do are not going to be acceptable in our society and community. Torturing animals is something most people would feel is totally unacceptable. If you can recognize this and manage to refrain from doing it, then that is a big step for you. Many psychologists will say that one of the most effective ways to get sociopaths to refrain from harming other people is to have there be something that the person really wants but has to behave correctly to earn it. For a lot of people, this is their freedom. They know that if they keep hurting people, they will get locked up in prison. Unfortunately, one of the other hallmarks of people with sociopathic personalities is that they have a harder time learning from their mistakes as "normal" people. So, sometimes they end up getting locked up over and over and over because they have a hard time associating that outcome (prison) with the behavior that got them there (beating people up). Or, to some sociopaths, prison isn't all that bad and they don't mind going there, so it's not that big of a deterrent to lock them up for hurting people.

 
Old 05-02-2011, 09:47 PM   #13
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Re: Different Mentaly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Toonces1 View Post
Well, I wouldn't worry too much about whether other people think you are different. We are all different in many ways. I do think it's important though that you realize that many things that you want to do are not going to be acceptable in our society and community. Torturing animals is something most people would feel is totally unacceptable. If you can recognize this and manage to refrain from doing it, then that is a big step for you. Many psychologists will say that one of the most effective ways to get sociopaths to refrain from harming other people is to have there be something that the person really wants but has to behave correctly to earn it. For a lot of people, this is their freedom. They know that if they keep hurting people, they will get locked up in prison. Unfortunately, one of the other hallmarks of people with sociopathic personalities is that they have a harder time learning from their mistakes as "normal" people. So, sometimes they end up getting locked up over and over and over because they have a hard time associating that outcome (prison) with the behavior that got them there (beating people up). Or, to some sociopaths, prison isn't all that bad and they don't mind going there, so it's not that big of a deterrent to lock them up for hurting people.
What I see as normal is feeling emotions, such as: remorse, love, compassion etc. Life is hard without these emotions. Without them people like me feel like we are always searching for something. We feel empty, hallow and numb. The only way we are excepted into society is if we mimic emotions and normal human behavior. We are always studying people in order to improve our mimicking ability and to better understand people.

I thank you for taking the time to respond.

 
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