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Old 05-08-2011, 12:11 PM   #1
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Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

My psychologist believes I'm heavily traumatized from years of emotional abuse. He suggested to me that we try doing an exercise called "eye movement desensitization and reprocessing," or, "EMDR." He explained how it worked and at first I freaked out and cancelled all my appointments with him. Then I decided to try it after some mild coaxing. I've done a few sessions of it, and it doesn't seem to do anything. Every time my mind should remember something or associate something I draw a complete and utter blank. My doctor even tried an exercise where I stand up, put my chest out and my arms back and take a deep breath, but it didn't do anything. He seemed to get kind of frustrated because he's an EMDR specialist and his area of expertise isn't doing anything to help me.

He says I'm suffering from disorganized attachment to my emotionally abusive mother and post traumatic stress disorder. At first I didn't believe I was traumatized, because I tend to think of trauma as being something that the soldiers in the war get, but he says there are different kinds of trauma. Either way, he thought that this EMDR would help me, and that it would at least show some mild results, but after six sessions, it's shown absolutely no results whatsoever. He also tells me I'm suffering from cripplingly low self-esteem. But I'm worried because this is supposed to be an exercise that helps people, but it does absolutely nothing for me. I also have my doubts about the treatment, as it seems like an avant garde form of hypnosis and I don't believe in hypnosis. I don't know if this is one of those things I have to believe in order for it to work, but even if it's not, it's not working at all.

He says I'm so controlled by my mother, even now, at the age of 23, that I believe her to be the living embodiment of God, or the closest thing to a god there is on this planet, as I fear her and do everything she tells me to. But she still screams and hollers at me for everything I do that she considers wrong. This morning I gave her a book and a CD for Mother's Day and she got mad at me because I didn't get her something else and she demanded that I give her the money I spent on the CD and the book so she could buy flowers for her mother's grave. I didn't have any money to give her, so she just stopped talking to me. She's very passive aggressive and condescending. It feels like everything I do is wrong. I can't hold a job because I'm not mentally fit to work, and my father won't let me move in with him for reasons that are beyond me. There is no escaping her wrath, and the doctor has said we have to find a way for me be treated with the notion that she is in fact God.

I was just wondering though, if anyone else had any experience with EMDR, and if it worked for anyone here? It's not working for me, either because I'm too messed up or because I don't really believe in it. But has anyone else had EMDR therapy? If so, what was the experience like? Because for me, I can't explain it, I'm just moving my eyes around, following the doctor's fingers. It's a fairly new form of therapy, too, from the late 1980s. That's why I don't really believe in it, because it seems like science-fiction to me. It almost reminds me of Scientology, and I'm afraid of Scientology so I really don't trust even my doctor. My paranoia has gotten to a new level where I've hung a blanket on the window to my room so no one can see in. I'm scared, can anyone give me any information on their experiences with EMDR?
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Old 05-08-2011, 01:43 PM   #2
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

EMDR is not a kind of hypnosis or religion or Scientology thing. It was discovered by a psychologist who had PTSD and that it helped her. So she expanded it and studied it and did clinical trials on it and then was nice enough to share with others of us with PTSD.

Your reluctance to really give it a good faith try is probably why it doesn't work for you. You are fighting the technique.

Some with PTSD find it doesn't work and many who do learn it find that they eventually outgrow the need to use it as the traumas of the past, flow away. It is just one more way to keep yourself grounded and not allow the past to sweep you up in it's grip.

If you want it to work, you have to understand that no one is trying to control you, but rather give you to the tools to control yourself.....your emotions, your thoughts, your life. EMDR just gives you another way to help you control you. And there are many more grounding techniques but EMDR is a good one to help people in the early phases of therapy. It's easy and quick to learn.

I hope you give it a good faith try.

Jenny(battled CPTSD for over 45 years)

 
Old 05-08-2011, 04:11 PM   #3
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

I've been trying for six sessions now, and it's going nowhere.

My mind wanders, it goes to dark places all by itself. I have thoughts of suicide although I am not suicidal, I have violent thoughts even though I'm not a violent person-- though I would never act on either my violent or suicidal thoughts, I find it disturbing that they're there. I'm filled with hate and remorse, and I can't shake it. Not long after I wrote the above message I had a panic-attack and I shaved off my beard that I'd been growing for four months. Now I look like a dip-sh*t, but I'm serene at the same time as I'm ****** off at myself.

After looking up various things on the internet, I seem to have the symptoms of something called 'borderline personality disorder,' which is like some higher form of bipolar or something. I just hope that the EMDR works, soon, because I know the next stop after it is electroshock therapy.
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Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 05-10-2011 at 08:23 AM.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 12:24 PM   #4
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

I'm surprised that he isn't prescribing medication. What country are you in? I'm on Risperidone and it's workign great. Also, I had this dip-sh*T step-dad, and I moved away from home and I feel much better!

 
Old 05-09-2011, 12:25 PM   #5
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

I'm already on Geodon, Xanax, Prozac and Concerta.
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Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 05-10-2011 at 08:23 AM.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:16 PM   #6
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

oh okay. I'd say just keep pressing into the treatment, and be patient. For me I would also suggest church. I'm a Christian and I feel that beign spiritually healthy has been a major help for me.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:19 PM   #7
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

I'm looking into attending a Quaker church near me, but it's too far to walk and due to my condition I never learned to drive, nor can I afford gas money if I did. I would ask my Mom to take me but she's a devout Catholic (who never goes to Church) and would refuse to let me go to any church that isn't Catholic. (She's also excommunicated, as she's divorced.)
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Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 05-10-2011 at 08:23 AM.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:27 PM   #8
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

yikes. Well I wish you the best of luck. I'd also encourage you to connect to any mental health supports (for me, I like to go to the schizophrenia society, because my condition is similar to that), and yeah just to have a lot of support. People who you can call if you need anything. I've had a lot of people say that whatever I'm doing it's working, and that is - meds, counseling, community, support groups, etc. I also found a coffee shop that is full of homeless/ disabled people, and students, and I'[ve found a sense of community there. I think that community is really important.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:30 PM   #9
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

I go to Emotions Anonymous, but it's such a small group that barely anybody goes besides me and a few other people. From what I've read on the internet my symptoms are close to something called 'Borderline Personality Disorder.' I'm horrified they're going to put me in a hole for the rest of my life because I can't and won't conform to the so-called 'norms' of society. I'm trying to write a book, but it's hard when you've got so many racing thoughts running through your head that you can't just pick one and settle down.
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Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 05-10-2011 at 08:24 AM.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:42 PM   #10
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

They won't. I'm not in the norm and I have a supportive roommate because of it. I tell everyone almost that I have mental health issues and it doesn't seem to change much. Actually I've had people tell me that there's nothing wrong with me; that I'm made just the way that God wants me to be, and likewise about you. I'm sure that God wanted you to be different. Besides, the norm isn't that great anyhow.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:46 PM   #11
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

No it isn't, but before I was considered mentally ill I had many friends who abandoned me because of my progressive condition. Now the people who still hang out with me wonder 'what happened to me,' because I'm not the 'friend' they knew years ago.
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If he had smiled why would he have smiled?
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Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 05-10-2011 at 08:24 AM.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:51 PM   #12
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

meds and treatment... that is what happened lol.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:54 PM   #13
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

Or I suppose it could have been the condition worsening...
Anger towards abusive people... why do they hurt others what is the point that is stupid.

Last edited by linc; 05-09-2011 at 02:55 PM.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 02:55 PM   #14
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

focus on your issues and not someone elses
-mentalhealthmod
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If he had smiled why would he have smiled?
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Last edited by mentalhealth mod; 05-10-2011 at 08:26 AM.

 
Old 05-09-2011, 09:50 PM   #15
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Re: Doc recommended "EMDR," now EMDR isn't working...

I agree. I think it is better. I was just pointing out that they can change you, for the better, it's just that those who leave much to be desired don't seem to like you anymore because you aren't the same. To me this is a good thing.

 
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