yeah...how do u deal with this? i've been told by 2 ppl that this is what i suffer from. I can't deal with it, so I ignore it. It makes me feel crazy. I stay on meds so that I have no emotion cuz I can't deal with the constant switching. I don't know what to do anymore.
Were you diagnosed by therapists or psychiatrists? I ask only because I find a lot of people are self-diagnosing off of what they read on the net.
I didn't even know I had them until they came tumbling out while I was doing work to uncover all of my past trauma memories.....that is what the personalities of DID are....the brain stores the trauma memories along with the personality and when you have flashbacks, you actually take on the personality, too. You switch.
Some people black out when they switch, I didn't. I just wasn't in control of how I acted or what I said but was what they call, co-conscious along with the personality. Not everyone blacks out.
I learned how to control most of the behavior and emotions over the years and functioned very well...married, had kids, worked, and was fine for over 55 years. Then at 55, broke my neck and the trauma from that made me get a lot of memories back and in dealing with them, finally had the personalities come out and I have now integrated them. My head is quiet for the first time in 55 years.
Do you know what caused yours to form....do you have a history of childhood trauma?
yes, they are therapists that diagnosed me. initially it was one person that i met on here, then i went searching for someone with a degree to tell me what's going on. after many attempts, i found 2 that told me. i continued on therapy with one until i quit going. like i said, i feel crazy. i feel stupid talking about it because i have a hard time believing it's real. and yes, i've had childhood trauma.
It's real for sure. And if you think about it, you can understand why it happens.
With little kids, they don't have a formed personality until about age 6. As things happen to them, the child handles it and slowly those actions and emotions become the child's personality. When the child is traumatized before the personality is formed, the memory not only tucks the trauma away deep in the brain, it tucks it away with the part of the personality that is unformed. The brain is trying to find a way to handle what happened and it does so by putting everything away for another time and day.
Then as you grow up, you develop post traumatic stress disorder. One of the hallmarks of PTSD is flashbacks. Only it seems in those with very young trauma where the personality is tucked away, when we have a flashback, not only does the memory come back, it comes back along with the personality that got tucked away. We become the age we were hurt. When the flashback is over and we are coming back down to earth, it goes away and we become ourselves again. Your brain is telling you that the "other time and day" to handle the trauma is here.
What I have done that has been successful is learn first how to survive and thrive despite the switching. It can be done and maybe you should look into something like DBT treatment to get that part done. DBT gives you tons of tools to help with everyday life. Once you have that part down, then you can go after why it happened in the first place.
Try to find a therapist who specializes in PTSD treatment as that is the cause...traumas. They can help you get into DBT and explain more about it. They also do therapy along with DBT and you start to learn why and how it happened.
If you go all the way with treatment you end up integrating those personalities into your own personality and life. That is what I am doing now. It's hard...very very hard.
But most learn how to live a good life despite DID. I know many who are doing it. You aren't crazy...you are a victim of trauma at a very young age and that is how the brain survives. DID is now seen as the worst case scenario for PTSD but then again, it is also the most creative way the brain can make us survivors. The mind finds a way.
Please find a way to see someone who does work with PTSD survivors. You can make this work.
Jenny...thank you for your understanding of all this. It does make sense the way you put it. I guess I need to get back into therapy. I have a surgery coming up in Sept and I need to be strong for that.
