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Old 09-03-2011, 09:34 AM   #1
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Unhappy I need to overcome morbid jealousy

I have a problem with morbid jealousy, which is totally irrational. I get angry about my g/f 's ex because she still talks to him and see's him at work and now he is texting my g/f's sister all the time and I can't cope. I know morbid jealousy is a psychological problem and could be due to no self esteem. The trouble is that my girlfriend has vaginismus which means we can't have sex and have never been able to have sex. My ex had a similar problem and we also had no sex, not once. so for the past 6 years I've been in relationships but no sex which has bought my self-esteem down loads. It has caused me to start arguing lots and checking up on my g/f. Has anyone got any advice? Please?!

 
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Old 09-10-2011, 06:44 PM   #2
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Re: I need to overcome morbid jealousy

I'll be honest this is way out of my league, but I hate it when nobody replies to a cry for help.

I guess I just have one question for you.....

Has your gf seen a doc for this condition and does she plan on taking any steps for treatment? This is a highly treatable condition...even curative. I'm sure all of the stress and tension that a relationship without sex can bring feels overwhelming at times...but here's the thing....sex does not define a physical relationship, there are many other ways besides vaginal penetration to enjoy a physical relationship.

I guess my other point would be pretty simplistic in thinking, but if she has a condition which keeps her from having sex with you, why would you think she's messing around with other guys? From a jealousy standpoint, you'd almost think this would be reassuring to you....

Treatmentwise, have you considered a counselor or therapist to help you with this?

Like I said, way out of my "knowledge" base, just observations.

kat

 
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Old 09-11-2011, 01:09 AM   #3
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Re: I need to overcome morbid jealousy

Thank you for replying. She is getting treated for it now, after we had seen many doctors to no avail. I know it seems mad to think she could cheat, but that's what is so hard! I know all these thoughts are irrational and untrue. Not only would she not cheat because she can't have sex, but she would never cheat anyway.
I guess it all gets too much sometimes, and I start to resent any couples I see, thinking 'why can't I be like that? I bet they have a great sex life?'
The thing is, it would be ok, more acceptable if we did anything else, but this prob has entirely ruined her labido and now I never even feel wanted. If we do do something then its never her choice, and I feel like I'm making her do something she doesn't want to.
Sorry to put this on you, guess it helps to speak it out.
Thanks again for replying

Nick

 
Old 09-11-2011, 01:12 AM   #4
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Re: I need to overcome morbid jealousy

Thank you for replying. She is getting treated for it now, after we had seen many doctors to no avail. I know it seems mad to think she could cheat, but that's what is so hard! I know all these thoughts are irrational and untrue. Not only would she not cheat because she can't have sex, but she would never cheat anyway.
I guess it all gets too much sometimes, and I start to resent any couples I see, thinking 'why can't I be like that? I bet they have a great sex life?'
The thing is, it would be ok, more acceptable if we did anything else, but this prob has entirely ruined her labido and now I never even feel wanted. If we do do something then its never her choice, and I feel like I'm making her do something she doesn't want to.
Sorry to put this on you, guess it helps to speak it out.
Thanks again for replying

Nick

 
Old 09-19-2011, 03:52 PM   #5
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Re: I need to overcome morbid jealousy

You are a very brave man to face your problem so honestly. I hope that you find a way to live happily. It must be so painful having these feelings of jealousy and low self-esteem. Can you envisage a relationship that might be more comfortable and self-affirming? It might help to have a support group, either formal or informal. I know that it is difficult to find confidants, who can give unconditional, non-judgmental acceptance. We all deserve to be loved. We can learn even from painful relationships, and sometimes the lessons are harsh, but you may arrive at a more authentic self. Living without a physical relationship is very hard. I empathize, and wish you all the best.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 04:23 PM   #6
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Unhappy Re: I need to overcome morbid jealousy

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.
It is increasingly hard and I just seem to be worsening and falling down lower in my mood and lower in my self esteem. I don't want to be a moaner because things could surely be worse? I just don't have energy for anything, getting up for work, eating, sleeping even. J cannot understand why my mind is doing this? I am so angry in my own head at myself because I know it's entirely stupid. I need to sort it out or I will loose my girl and everything.
On top of this life is very stressful right now. My brother tries to kill himself last year, my parents had a messy split up and my mum died wry young and suddenly in June. I guess I feel that something is against me, and no matter how hard I try or how long I try, it all just pile up. I can't relax. I can't loose myself in a frenzy of passion or love, I can't get all this tension of my shoulders. It's hard, its so hard.
Sorry, I doubt you want to read this, but it actually starts to feel lighter jut writing it down, though makes me seen crazy! Which j am, going more and more!

 
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Old 09-19-2011, 08:26 PM   #7
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Re: I need to overcome morbid jealousy

It sounds like you have been through a huge amount of loss and pain. Any one of the things you describe could bring a person down. Losing a parent is one of the most painful things in life. You have my deepest sympathy. Your brother has been in a great deal of pain as well, and you must have been very worried about him. In a grief situation, it can be calming and healing just to be held. Do you think your GF would be willing to do this much? The oceanic feeling of physical connection can be transcendent, but your GF is not in proper shape for this until she finds her own healing. Extreme stress and loss can make us feel that we are somehow singled out, one terrible thing after another. . .A great many of us feel this kind of curse. I hope and pray that things get better for you. Try to do some things that comfort you, even in a small way. I would not presume to tell you where to find this comfort, but for me, sometimes following my own breath, visualizing healing energy filling me on the inhalation, and negative energy leaving on the exhalation can be balancing and calming. Now may be a good time to return to any spiritual or religious roots from an earlier time in your life, or simply to find some nurturing friends, some beauty, something that takes you into the comfort of the present. I wish you healing and light, and hope and pray that you find comfort soon.

 
Old 09-19-2011, 08:50 PM   #8
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Re: I need to overcome morbid jealousy

Nick,

It sounds like the last year or so of your life has been pure hell, I think you've earned the right to be overwhelmed. I seriously recommend that you find a counselor or therapist that you could talk to.....walking around with the weight of the world on your shoulders and sink you pretty quick. Some of the symptoms you've mentioned could mean that depression is starting to take over, and believe me it's much better to be pro-active and get help before it gets too bad.

As for your girl and her libido, she could talk to her Dr. about supplements or hormones that would help with that. She has to be willing to give whatever she can in this relationship or it's never going to work, and right now it just doesn't sound like she's trying very hard to make things work.

Writing about your feelings can be very cathartic, whether it be here on the boards or if you start keeping a journal...it kind of gets all the clutter out of your head and onto paper...it's easier to deal with that way.

Hang in there,

Kat

 
Old 10-08-2011, 08:40 PM   #9
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Re: I need to overcome morbid jealousy

Nick, most men would be very frustrated and insecure facing such a physical problem. However if you feel that your sexual relationship is infrequent too often, you may consider talking to a specialist. there could be problems blocking your physical closeness you both are unaware of

 
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