Brandon84

Hello, my name is Brandon. I'm new here and I was wondering something...I think I've always had deep-seated anxiety but there was a traumatic event that happened to me eight years ago, this was what triggered my anxiety episodes. Fast foward to the present, I've got into an arguement with a co-worker at work a couple weeks ago and it got pretty deep. It started out with us joking around until she slapped me in the face, it wasn't a hard slap -- just a tap. but I've asked her not to touch my face, as I consider it to be very disrespectful and I'd normally brutally beat anyone who does so. We went back and forth until a manager sent her home. I come in Tuesday and talked with my Supervisor about the situation and she told me that the co-worker was fired for this...

So now...
- I'm too tired, bathe, even to brush my teeth. Being miserable all the time, and just want to lay in bed.
- I lose interest in activities that I am doing, or that I was going to do, and they are not always as enjoyable as they used to be.
- I feel really happy, thinking that I'm finally out of the woods, then really sad, to the point that I feel guilt and unable to forgive myself for lending a hand her the co-worker losing her job, that got to the point that I did things I didn't normally do -- like smoke cigarettes and buy meaningless things. I really feel so terrible that when I look in the mirror all I see is pain, you don't even see myself -- I just see a piece of garbage.
- and for the past few days I'm plagued with racing thoughts, paranoid thoughts of some forthcoming attack or betrayal, anticipating that something awful will happen, and people at my job who aren't happy with the co-worker getting fired, are trying to get me fired by saying that I've attacked her. -- they just won't be quiet and I just want to give my supervisor my uniform and quit (I'm getting tired of going to work wondering when will I finally get fired for this incident, though my Mother, friends and every manger there said I did the right thing. It's the fact that I'm involved in someone losing their job and I'm almost certain there are people there trying their hardest to get me in trouble for it.
- Poor impulse control, I already get angry easily -- it's gotten to the point that there've been times I could have lost my jobs due to feeling irritable, aggressive, and angry and start lashing out at others. This is an ongoing problem I have.
- Isolation from friends and family.
- headaches, constant nervous and heart beats faster.
- this is something I'm having trouble admiting, but I hear sounds like a loud noise there is nothing on in the house when I hear these sounds, mostly when I'm at home or when I am alone in a quiet room
(I have ruled out posibility of neighbours homes etc and the sounds seem close in my head not far away).
I hear other things like my name being called -- I barely hear it, This has only started happening recently and only a few times

I want to know what's going on. I do have an appointment on October 28th but I'm at the point thae I could use all the help I could get.