Intrusive thoughts & involuntarily talking
Hi there. This is my first time on this forum and actually the first time I talk about my problem with someone. I really hope someone here can help me.
My head is always filled with unpleasant and distressing thoughts and the only way I can deal with them is talking out loud. It is not like talking to myself. I just feel the need to say anything, any random word, just to stop myself from thinking. I try really hard to keep my thoughts under control and just relax. And these distressing thoughts are not crazy or unusual. But they are always on the same subject, that seems to worry me a lot for some reason. In my "normal" life I don't care about that stuff that much. I don't know why I am having these thoughts and why they trouble me so much, that I need an immediate distraction like making noise, singing or doing something with my hands.
It used to happen only when I was alone. I was fine in public because I was distracted by other things. But as soon as I am left alone with my thoughts, I feel like my head is going to explode. Recently I've started doing it in public. But I try really hard to keep it under control. So when I feel the urge to make a sound, instead of saying random things like "chair" or "fish!", I pick something appropriate and related to the conversation. It still sounds weird thought.
When at home with my husband, I often say his name as if inviting him to a conversation. I've done it so many times that now I do it involuntarily, even when my husband is not around. I just kept saying his name all the time, and it's annoying him. He keeps replaying: What??? And I don't have time to make up a reason for why I called him.
When at work I am always muttering under my breath and I am always paranoid that some one might have heard me.
Overall this thing is very unpleasant and exhausting. It is affecting my every day life and I don't know what to do. I tried talking to my husband but it is obvious that this subject is very unpleasant to him. He has always been very supportive whenever I was sick. But somehow this "mental" problem just creeps him out, so he tries to ignore it.
What should I do? I really don't want to see a psychiatrist. I hope there is a way I can manage this myself.