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Old 10-28-2011, 05:54 PM   #1
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Question Intense paranoia. Help?

Hi.
Recently, my depression got to a point where it was affecting my school and work so I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I went to the psychiatrist and within an hour, she diagnosed me with bipolar II and prescribed me Lamotrigine. I thought it was odd that it took someone such a short time to "get inside my head" and be able to figure out what was going on, but I trusted her judgement and started the medication.
Now, when I go to the doctors, my anxiety shoots through the roof and I cannot remember half the things I wanted to talk about. I was talking to my boyfriend afterwards and he asked me if I talked to her about thinking people were watching me and my first reaction to the question was oh oh.
My boyfriend is the only person I have ever told about this. But, ever since I was little I have always felt like I was being watched constantly. At a young age, I experienced night terrors and had to go to a therapist. And in high school, I would literally either lock myself in the bathroom with a phone and a knife or sleep with both. And, I have never been able to sleep without a light on. Now that I live on my own, the fear has reared its ugly head again. I cannot sleep if my boyfriend is not home, and if he isn't I will sit up on the computer and wait until daytime to go to bed.
I feel like my life is a movie to someone... as weird as that sounds. I don't feel like I am living for myself; I feel like this is just some sick part I am playing. I know that these thoughts are crazy, but I cannot seem to force them out of my head. When I am on the computer late at night I think someone is going to pop up and start telling me that they are going to kill me. This morning, I called the cops at 5am because I thought someone was trying to get into my house, and it turned out that my neighbor was cleaning their car off. And when I got home today my mind would not stop racing and I had a feeling of impending doom and that the world was going to end and there was nothing I could do about it.
It doesn't feel like a person watching me, either. It feels like an entity. Sometimes, I think of aliens. But, I hate when that thought goes through my mind because it just makes me feel insane.
I honestly do not know what to do. I feel like my psychiatrist will not believe me if I say anything because I didn't mention it last time.

Last edited by Administrator; 11-07-2011 at 10:22 PM.

 
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Old 11-07-2011, 04:07 PM   #2
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Re: Intense paranoia. Help?

I have to strongly reccommend you tell your psychiatrist everything. Because it comes right down to, if you don't let him know, how can he help you?

You can always go to another psychiatrist if for some reason this one isn't for you.
I know it is hard to reach out to others but you have to remind yourself if you want help no one can help if they don't know what is wrong.

Good Luck and God Bless

 
Old 11-08-2011, 11:08 AM   #3
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Re: Intense paranoia. Help?

Absolutely agree with Goin2GrowUp1day.A few years back I was in therapy and didn't tell my shrink a lot of things because I didn't want to be judged harshly.
Looking back I see how stupid that was and how could I possibly benefit from it if I was holding things back or not being honest?

I forget things all the time,don't worry about the shrink thinking you are making it up.Sometimes it helps if you write stuff down you want to discuss before you go so you don't forget.

 
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