| | Intense paranoia. Help?
Recently, my depression got to a point where it was affecting my school and work so I made an appointment with a psychiatrist. I went to the psychiatrist and within an hour, she diagnosed me with bipolar II and prescribed me Lamotrigine. I thought it was odd that it took someone such a short time to "get inside my head" and be able to figure out what was going on, but I trusted her judgement and started the medication.
Now, when I go to the doctors, my anxiety shoots through the roof and I cannot remember half the things I wanted to talk about. I was talking to my boyfriend afterwards and he asked me if I talked to her about thinking people were watching me and my first reaction to the question was oh oh.
My boyfriend is the only person I have ever told about this. But, ever since I was little I have always felt like I was being watched constantly. At a young age, I experienced night terrors and had to go to a therapist. And in high school, I would literally either lock myself in the bathroom with a phone and a knife or sleep with both. And, I have never been able to sleep without a light on. Now that I live on my own, the fear has reared its ugly head again. I cannot sleep if my boyfriend is not home, and if he isn't I will sit up on the computer and wait until daytime to go to bed.
I feel like my life is a movie to someone... as weird as that sounds. I don't feel like I am living for myself; I feel like this is just some sick part I am playing. I know that these thoughts are crazy, but I cannot seem to force them out of my head. When I am on the computer late at night I think someone is going to pop up and start telling me that they are going to kill me. This morning, I called the cops at 5am because I thought someone was trying to get into my house, and it turned out that my neighbor was cleaning their car off. And when I got home today my mind would not stop racing and I had a feeling of impending doom and that the world was going to end and there was nothing I could do about it.
It doesn't feel like a person watching me, either. It feels like an entity. Sometimes, I think of aliens. But, I hate when that thought goes through my mind because it just makes me feel insane.
I honestly do not know what to do. I feel like my psychiatrist will not believe me if I say anything because I didn't mention it last time.
Last edited by Administrator; 11-07-2011 at 10:22 PM.