Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Boulder, CO, U.S.A
| | Long Term Anxiety Sufferer, Please Help
It all started when i was in 5th grade, we took a class camping trip up to a camp in the rockies(i live in Colorado) and I was in my cabin, about to fall asleep when I instantly felt like a different person, didnt know where i was and it all went downhill from there. I picked stuff up from around the cabin and tried to hurt my best friend of 3 years at the time(I'm a junior in high school now, known him since 2nd grade). Our cabin leader, a teacher at the school i went to, came in and calmed me down. after that it has only gotten worse. There was a time where my step dad, grandpa, and my 3 brothers were driving down to our house in boulder from our cabin in winter park. i had and intense moment of depersonalization and derealization and tried to throw myself out of the car.
Those are the two worst ones i have had. I admit that I started cutting my wrists to make the mental pain go away, and it worked wonders, but it had a severe effect on my social life. To this day my parents never knew that i had cut, and i still have urges to do it again just to stop the pain in my head.
I was researching my symptoms and came across a couple of possible answers. Schizophrenia, MPD(Multiple Personality Disorder), BPD(Borderline Personality Disorder), and Depression. I have been having daily anxiety attacks, whether significant or not, and have tried to hurt someone severely and myself as well. I dont know what to do and i need someone to talk to me. I have been prescribed Prozac by my psychiatrist. I have met with her twice and talked to her about a number of things, but we dont meet all that often and i need answers, i've been having this issue for almost 7 years now and i havent gone for help until this year.
Following up with the possibility of MPD, I have felt several distinct entities within my being, each with their own thoughts and emotions, but they never surface. I have always felt them, but to my memory I have never switched with any of them. In no real order, they are:
Skye-Bisexual, A 16 year old scene female who feels deeply for me and my mental status. She wants nothing more than for me to be cured and or saved.
Soul-Heterosexual, A 17 year old goth male who is sadistic(sexually, not as in hurting people just because), but knows when to stop and loves anything that has to do with blood. He normally escapes when I have..."private" time with an un-named person. He is the "badboy in me" and got me to start smoking...which ironically enough helps with the anxiety sometimes.
Jimmy-I do not know/remember anything about Jimmy, something happened this summer that totally blocked any information of him from me.
Sam-A male of 6-8(not sure) who is deeply disturbed, never talks, and is always looking as if he belongs in a mental hospital for criminals. Think of Alma from F.E.A.R 2, thats basically him, but he keeps that side of him locked inside.
Thorn-The bad, "evil" one. He is constantly trying to take over my body and hurt me in some way, always trying to hurt other people, always trying trying trying. Age unknown.
Jordon(me)-Bisexual, 16 year old male, very pleasant to talk to, is loved(surprisingly) by a great number of people. Has issues with step dad and fights with his mom sometimes, almost never sees his biological father.
Thats pretty much it, if i remember anything else i'll post it below the original post(this one). I appreciate any feed back, I desperately need information.
P.S-My username is the name of an "other"(as she and i call it), and this person means immense amounts to me, which is why i chose the name. Although I'll probably get in trouble with her for picking that name...