But on to my actual question. Is there anyone here who is unemployed and does not want to work? I feel like I can't tell this to anyone without risking sounding like a lazy bum. There are a lot of reasons I don't want to work a "normal" grunt job, such as the fact when I bring up my college scheduling needs (as in I need to be on campus and/or doing nothing but homework about 3 months out of the whole year), I just so happen to get fired.
And there are other reasons...like not wanting to get up in the morning, not wanting to wear nice clothes (I'm a jeans-and-t-shirt person, so slacks and blouses make me feel very uncomfortable), not wanting to have to kiss an employer's feet to get some piddly job for minimum wage, and just simply I don't want to have to answer to a boss.
My last job involved being hired by a controlling and verbally abusive boss, and I was so angry on a regular basis that I genuinely almost lost it and beat the crap out of her several times. I guess I worry this has tainted my view of working to the point where I will immediately think ill of all managers.
Currently I make a tiny bit of money doing writing and selling things. I wish there was some way for me to work from home and make a better living, but so many people equate working from home with being too lazy and useless to get a "real" job.
I understand that I do NEED a job, but I don't want to work. And I worry this attitude comes through whenever I get an interview...this air of, "I don't actually want this job, but since I need money, I'm going to tell you what you want to hear so you'll hire me." I think sometimes employers can sense your desperation.
What can I do to try and change these feelings? As far as what I can tell, there is no "dream job" for me - I can't even stand to do artwork and that's what I went to college for. I worry I'm just gonna be a mooch for the rest of my life because I cannot get motivated to want to work.
Last edited by Administrator; 12-20-2011 at 05:11 PM.
You know honestly, I think given the choice most of use would not want to work but it's something we have to do to pay the bills. Getting the dream job with lots of money and short hours or little effort doesn't exist for most of us, we just have to do what we have to do. That doesn't mean we love our bosses or enjoy working for the money we get, so I guess the only difference is acceptance or more importantly necessity, and just learning along the way that in areas like work situations you don't get to be in charge but you learn not to take it personally.
I never had anyone to mooch off, not even my parents would have allowed that, so it was just never an option. I actually think that a lot of younger people (and I don't know if that applies to you because I don't know your age) can be enabled by their parents into mooching, and let's face it, it's human nature to take the easy road if it's offered to you but it's also hard to be truly independent and grow if you have the easy option. that's just my 2c
There are some things to consider first. Have you always felt this way, or has it been increasing over time? Sometimes when you don't know what you want to do for work, it makes us restless, lose ambition, and wish that a big check would arrive in the mail addressed to us that would solve all our problems.
I'd convinced myself many times that the job I was doing was great and I loved it, but it was a mind game just to keep me positive about the work situation, which wasn't great. It was all about the paycheck for me and I was the first one out the door at the end of the day. I think a lot of people feel similar to you with overbearing boss experiences.
I think you are correct in your comment about interviewing...they do sense desperation. Even selling to others, which I do when money is tight, people can sense it and try to pound you down more than usual.
When you are interviewing in the future, practice beforehand how you will sit calmly, confidently and look straight at the potential boss straight in the eye. Body language will tell the interviewer more than you realize. I find bluffing my way though things is the only way to make a sale these days.
I have been working from home for a long time, but in this horrible economy it's like being in a life raft without paddles in the middle of the ocean. Working from home doesn't make anyone lazy unless you aren't trying to make it work. Don't forget that when you work elsewhere, you work 40 hours a week. At home, I find I'm actually working longer hours at all times of the day and still trying to figure it out too.
If you went to school for art, then perhaps you are burnt out from it for now? Maybe trying a different medium and subject just to mess around with "for fun" might inspire and help you pick up that artistic spark again. Try making your own brand of note cards or calendars and consigning to little shops in your area or on-line?
A diversity of ways to make money is key these days, I think....anyone want a hand-made winter hat? I knit & crochet too...ha! Hang in there and best of luck!
Unfortunately, I've been given nothing but opportunities to mooch my whole life. Never given chores (so no allowance), had everything I wanted and needed given to me, and was discouraged from having a job until after I graduated college. Basically, I was never taught work ethic - I try, but sometimes it's not good enough.
For me, living at home rent-free and unemployed and dealing with emotional, mental and verbal abuse is easier than trying to get a job, move out and be on my own. I want to be on my own, but it's very hard to do when I can't apply my skills to anything around here and there aren't any jobs to be had to begin with.
So now, as an adult, I have no incentive to work. I also worry that I will act like I'm too good for certain jobs when I know I should be grateful for anything at all. I can't help feeling that way once in a while...thinking, "I went $80,000 into debt so I wouldn't have to work at Wal-Mart." I know it's not a good mindset to have, but I'm fighting against over two decades of ingrained beliefs - my rational mind is always at odds with my irrational mind.
yeah I'd guess most people would rather sleep late and do as they please rather than adhere to a schedule and other peoples expectations, but that's just not reality.
I need a roof over my head and food on the table and I don't have anyone to mooch off of, and I have too much self-respect to do that anyway.
I think the more important question (than who doesn't want to work) is, why don't you have enough self-respect to WANT to become independent?
Last edited by rosequartz; 12-19-2011 at 11:46 AM.
I don't know...I think it might just be a feeling that if I try to be on my own, my efforts will fail miserably and I'll have to move back home anyway. There's no way I could afford rent, taxes, groceries, transportation costs, and student loans on minimum wage (which is really all that's available around here unless you're a doctor).
And I have tried selling some artsy things, but I find more often than not, people are not interested in anything original. They want fan art of their favorite cartoon and game characters, and even then they aren't willing to pay a fair amount for the work involved in making the item.
I don't have a litter of kids, so that means I wouldn't get much in government assistance because the government doesn't care about poor childfree people (believe me, I have considered heavily going on welfare long-term because I think it's the only way I could live on my own).
There truly is no work I can say I enjoy doing that would earn anything resembling a livable income. I love to write and I compose articles occasionally for a website, but it doesn't pay nearly enough and it takes a very long time to get my work approved for publication. That's about it. I failed at getting a job as a reporter because the newspaper office is so special that they wanted someone with a journalism degree.
I just truly think there is nothing out there for me, so why bother trying to be independent? What do I have to look forward to? Working myself to death so I can be completely broke anyway? I'd be better off committing a few crimes and spending a few years in jail.
I don't think you are seeing the whole picture. It's not a case of getting a job and moving out of home vs not working and staying at home. Why can't you live at home for now *and* get a job? It will get you out into the workplace where you learn to interact with colleages and bosses etc, and you will teach yourself to get up everyday and go to work because that's part of learning responsibility. you will at least have the satifaction of earning your own money so you don't have to lean so much on your parents.
Mooching off your parents is a bit like being stuck in a child like state, it gives your parents leverage over you and it keeps you totally dependent on them and you don't get to grow up if you keep living that way. so while mooching does have an upside, it definitely has a down side to how you view yourself and what your options are.
Just another thing I would mention is that employers will look at your work history and if they see short term jobs and lots of gaps in your employment, that will be red flags to them that you can't hold down a job, and if a great job comes up you won't be able to compete with someone who can show they consistently work. Even if you lie on your resume, all they have to do is check and then you're done as far as getting the job goes. You're better off having a consistent work history at walmart than having a history of not working very much because employers don't want to gamble on someone who isn't serious about working. Just my 2c
I don't really have too much real job experience anyway - being in college makes me look very professionally unattractive to employers due to the scheduling and absolute need to be away from work for a couple months a year, and my last job I got fired from after about two months, so I don't even bother listing that on my resume (it was a very shady company). All I really have is my experience with freelance work.
There's a temp agency in town and I might see if they can get me anything in retail. I know it won't look too good to employers for me to have such a limited job history, but how can I get a job history when no one will give me a chance in the first place? Everyone has to start somewhere. I truly think I would be better off just going on welfare - I'm sure I could find a doctor to say I'm too mentally unstable to work or I'm too fat to work or something. No one will hire me at my age when I have no real job history, so why try? So I can get dead-end interviews and watch some other idiot get the job? Maybe I'm just destined to bounce around between homeless shelters and pay-by-the-week motels while making my living selling drugs.
"I truly think I would be better off just going on welfare"
you might be better off in the short term, but welfare doesn't lead anywhere down the road, job experience does because no matter what the job is, you learn to deal with work situations and gain experience at that. Previous generations just expected to start at the bottom and work their way up, and we all did our fair share of grunt work before we got to progress onto something better so rather than looking at the monetary reward and whether it is worth it or not, you need to realize that having a job brings other rewards and experiences that prepare you for the next job ahead, but if you think you can be on welfare and suddenly jump ahead to a great job that you enjoy, it's very unlikely and no employer is going to think - wow this person has been on welfare for ages, that's who I'm going to hire!
you sound very young and you don't realise it yet but this is a really critical time to be getting a foothold in the workplace, gain some experience, learn to deal with bosses without getting fired, learn to work alongside other people, learn to deal with the public (that is an education in itself to get right)
Life comes in steps and stages, but you seem to have a very black and white view of how things should be, but in reality, there are many shades of grey in between that lead to other things. Forget about your ideal job for now and focus on getting into the workplace so you have a starting point.
I don't necessarily want a dream job right now because...well...I don't think there is such a thing. I am looking for whatever I can get. As said, due to my nearly nonexistent job history, I don't think anyone will want to hire me in the first place. I don't even want to list the degree I'll have in a couple years (a master's) because it will make me overqualified for pretty much all positions in the whole area.
I meant I have considered going on welfare long-term...as in for my whole life. Only because I just do not see getting hired for anything ever and I'm going to need money to live whether or not I'm working.
I just worry about how I will act if I have a job. I have a terrible temper when I am verbally abused (almost hit my ex-boss on many occasions out of rage), I have problems with authority sometimes, and once in a while my brain-to-mouth filter fails and I would probably give a bad customer a piece of my mind if they gave me any lip. I don't do this on purpose, but when I bottle it all up, I am just a ticking time bomb and if someone so much as looks at me wrong, I will go off. Probably not going to be good if I throw a shelf at a customer who is mouthing off to me.
I tried very hard at my last job to not be angry - it wasn't at the customers or the co-workers. Just at my boss, who I genuinely feel was harassing me (punishing me for trivial things and/or things that other people were doing without reprimand, talking down to me like she was better than me, taking away all outlets for stress, etc.). Keeping everything bottled up resulted in me becoming very sick - stomach cramps, nausea that lasted from the beginning of my shift to the end, issues with my "cycle," crying while at my desk because I would get a lecture if my hours were off by a minute. I needed a job, but I did not need THAT job. I am worried any job I might get in the future will be like this one and that I may not be as able to control my rage.
Hence why I am constantly looking for ways to work from home.
Last edited by Dark Stranger; 12-20-2011 at 12:28 PM.
i totally relate, i don't want to work either, mainly because i have problems socializing with others, im mentally and physically exhausted a lot which makes it VERY hard to be productive, so I found a job, ironically in the mental health field, working with adults who are way worse off then me, i do 3 days a week, 10 hour shifts over night so they are sleeping mostly, i hardly have to deal with my boss, theres so many jobs out there, keep looking around you will find something that fits with you, being bipolar things need to be a certain way for me, if its not working, its not going to work, and i push forward and find something that will otherwise it's just worsening the condition.
I tried going to a temp agency recently and the kind of work they get people is not what I can do. They place people in jobs building things, lifting heavy objects and working with chemicals. I'm very physically weak despite my size and I would really rather not inhale all manner of chemicals regardless of wage. So odds are I will not get anything from them and if I do, I will need to decline. I don't want to do work I know I can't do too good just for money because then I'll get fired.
This is why I try my best to work from home, but it doesn't yield anything resembling a livable wage even if it does keep my sanity intact. I am so not a people person, but the only thing I can really do around here is customer service. And I think my last job has really proven to be a major discouragement to my finding employment because I worry I'm going to end up with another abusive boss and I also worry I will not be able to contain my anger as well as I did before.
I really don't think there is ideal, practical work out there for me anywhere. Any job I get is just going to be me doing stuff I hate to make money and then I'll get fired for not smiling enough or something stupid like that.
While I'd never wish how I feel on others, I am glad to see that my feelings are not as unique as I thought. I hope someday I may find something bearable to do for a living, but I'm not going to hold my breath waiting.