I dont want to go through my life story of anything so i'll try to make it short. In August some stuff happened and made me think I might have ADD and definantly a anxiety problem. So I went to a psychiatrist and he put me on 20mg of adderall twice a day and 1mg of lorazepan prn. So that helped a lot and was probably what made me not fail my first semester of college.
Just a week ago or so, maybe a little more, I went back for a check up and I told him that my depressed feelings werent going away even though rational things were going better. So he put me on Zoloft 50mg (I think, or 100 i dont remember) once per day. But anyways, i took it for almost a week when I started to notice the sexual dysfunction. Might be too much information, but it just didnt work, even if i tried, might be able to get it up for a second but not long. Anyways, that would actually be bearable, what i really noticed what I thought was my depression (now think its something else) got worse.
I dont really know how to describe it, but i'll try. I just go up and down SO much in my emotions. ALL the time. When I was little it wouldnt be so bad and i actually didnt even notice that my moods did change until i started add and lorazepam. I think those cleared my head enough to realize there might be something more than depression. Ill feel super confident and social and like I can take on the world, and act that way also, then ill get super anxious and weird or "off feeling," then ill get so depressed ill cry or just lay down and not move. All that sucks but that isnt what is worrying me.
Sometimes, usually in the anxious/anxiety stage ill get weird. I'll feel my mind shift and my vision for a short moment will even kind of blur in weird "clear" way. Sometimes i feel like i can feel my mind almost "falling apart." And then ill not be able to stop going over senarios in my head or kind of loosing touch with reality. Ill think that i understant the secret to the world and life, but not at the same time. Or that in that moment I am completely and utterly sane and rational, but everyone else is irrational and "crazy," and when I am "normal" I am crazy and blinded from the "truth." Sometimes when i'm like this in public i'll feel everyone watching me and i'll make eye contact with people and feel like they know something extremely important about me that I don't know. Like there looking into the secrets of my being. Or i'll feel like time is relative and my thinking is outside of time. I'll see people that i used to know or don't really talk to anymore and then i'll realize its not them, but some random person who looks nothing like them, but when I first saw them I See the person i'm thinking of. Just stuff like that.
The weird thing is, is that I normally wouldnt really remember I think like this or feel like this sometimes, because when i go back to being depressed or confident, especially confident, I won't think or really realize it, or just wont think there is a problem with it. I usually cant remember my thoughts or feelings much when im like that, but last time I decided to write it down and it was just rambling about stuff in the paragraph above. Or I would write something that I thought would make sense later, and made sense in the moment, but when I look back it doesn't make any sense. But ya for example right now I am feeling "normalish" and i don't think it is a big deal or anything, and i think that even posting this, let alone talking to my doctor is just me being stupid. But, the last thing I wrote down was
"If all that is not true and i was just thinkingcrazy stuff and im normal except like when im thinking like thatits still not good because im not right then
but if i am right then and the rest of the time im thinking crazy then thats also bad
dont know which one is which
dont listen to me when i say that i might not change
im positive there are mindset changes
think of when im confident and then really depressed and then manic/crazy and then anxiety"
Sounds like you've started experiencing Bipolar or similar mental illness after Zoloft which often brings up Bipolar.
Bipolar has three different stages, depression, normal and manic and most of case depression comes after manic episodes. Also, there is rage/anger comes with Bipolar, such as punching in the wall without any provoke which is prominent among Bipolar folks, unlike depression which is only sad mood without any anger/rage. Anxiety is also one of Bipolar symptoms.
In Bipolar, there are two different categories, one is Bipolar I which has delusional and even psychotic episodes when manic and other is Bipolar II which is more like major depression with manic episode.
Bipolar needs powerful Anti-psycho. meds., such as Zyprexa, Abilify, Geodon, Seroquel and Resperal along with anti-depressant and even anxiety med. to alleviate the symptoms. It's called 'med. combo.' because of three or even four or five different meds.
Unfortunately, it's not easy to find a good med. combo. and most of psychiatrists prescribes one med. at a time to test whether the symptoms improve. Thus, finding a good med. combo. is very crucial. However, if you're lucky enough to withstand most of psycho. meds., it does not take too long for you to feel better and function well.
Reading several paragraphs in your description, it's hard to tell whether you have Bipolar or not, but I suggest you to find a good psychiatrist because of nature of mental illness, Bipolar that requires competency and expertise and often experience in his/her field.
Last edited by Tori41; 12-23-2011 at 04:25 AM.