I have severe insecurities that there for create severe jealousy. I am not at all proud of what I am going to confess, I'm rather ashamed honestly but this is one of the only ways I can try to get better.
When my boyfriend watches a movie that has nude women in it, it get anxiety and actually start crying. I've spoken with him many times about this and I believe him when he says he does not watch movies for that purpose and he could really care less. My problem is no matter those things, in his mind he judges that woman, which he admitted. Thats completely normal and I try not to hold that against him. What makes me cry is the thought that he may like her body more than mine.
I can handle him thinking someone is pretty, but for him to think someone is prettier than me makes me feel like I'm ugly and not good enough, even though he reassures me that I am. I feel like I have to be the best, the prettiest, or I am worthless and not worth looking at. I'm a very attractive woman, but that isn't good enough for me, and I don't know why.
If he accidently sees something that bothers me, I become depressed for days, obsessing whether he prefers her breasts, as I am very unhappy with mine. Everyone tells me to 'love and accept myself' but that feels pointless if it doesn't change what's wrong with my appearance. My boyfriend says he's perfectly happy with how I look, and I believe him, but I feel the need to look better so he won't think someone else looks better. I know this sounds crazy, and I'm truly ashamed of this. I don't like who I've become. Can someone help or relate?