what is wrong with me?
If not, please let me know what you think. I actually have a psychiatrist appointment for the end of next week but would like some feedback. For once in a long time, I am actually tired (I don't want to lose it!) so I am just going to post something I made a list of earlier today. Some background info: I am a 26-year-old married (9 years), mother of 2 awesome kids(4 and 6). My mom thinks my issues may have to do with my dad. I love him a lot now, but growing up, my life was hell. I was always the kid that got in trouble for every little thing I did and got hit for it. But if you want to know more on that, then PM me. I am tired...so here is my list I made earlier. Sorry if it seems out of order but I just kept adding as things came to mind:
- I have energy to do things I want to do like cooking or going out to eat but not for cleaning or household things. Am I just lazy?
- I used to get angry frequently but now I get VERY mad over things that never bothered me at all. For example, if my son is taking too long to buckle up, I yell at him because it makes me mad. I have ZERO patience now. I don’t just yell, sometimes I scream at the top of my lungs at my kids.
- There are days when I am just “blah”. I am not sitting there thinking, “I am depressed, I am sad”. I just feel “blah.” I don’t really know what is making me feel this way. I never really feel depressed. I don’t think “woe is me”. I actually have a good life. A roof over my head, a new car, great kids, my husband has a great job as an RN and makes great money. But what do I do? I go to school, take care of the kids, and then feel “blah”. I don’t understand.
- I will sit in my room with the door open (closed sometimes) and let the kids stay in the living room bc almost everything they do pisses me off! I love my kids so much and I hate the way I feel.
- It doesn’t help that my husband doesn’t care. He just says that I am being lazy and blaming my problems on a disease that I do not have. To "talk to someone who knows more about it". Maybe I am just lazy? But why do I blow up at the smallest things now?
- I really do love my husband and kids. I want to be a better wife and mother. I don’t want to lose them.
- I have been having memory issues. All of a sudden, about a month ago, I forget things VERY easily. My husband can ask me something and then ask again 3 minutes later and I have no idea how to answer.
- There are days when it’s hard to get up. I don’t feel sad…I just know that I am not going to be productive and it makes me want to just stay in bed.
- I drink daily. Not during the day but will drink a 12% at night.
- It’s hard for me to go to sleep. I would stay up all night if I didn’t have to take my daughter to school in the mornings. The alcohol helps me go to sleep.
- There are some days (rare, lately) where I will have a lot of energy, get things done, get along great with my husband and kids, just feel happy. I used to have several days a week where I felt this way but for the last month or so, it is rare for me to feel this way. I am just always so angry unless I am doing something I like.
- I took 1000mg/daily of Depakote as a teenager but it was for migraines not depression/anxiety. I stopped taking it when I miscarried a child at 18. I am now 26. Many years before this I tried Paxil ,Luvox, and Prozac. My mom says that Depakote helped me the most even though it was for my migraines.
- I, unconsciously, have social anxiety. I never realized it until my husband brought it to my attention. I won’t talk to waiters unless I am ordering and when I am around other people I find it hard to keep a conversation going and end up saying things that don’t make sense or sound stupid. I also CANNOT look people in eye. It actually hurts me to keep eye contact.
Last edited by Administrator; 01-17-2012 at 12:56 AM.