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Old 01-17-2012, 12:42 AM   #1
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what is wrong with me?

If not, please let me know what you think. I actually have a psychiatrist appointment for the end of next week but would like some feedback. For once in a long time, I am actually tired (I don't want to lose it!) so I am just going to post something I made a list of earlier today. Some background info: I am a 26-year-old married (9 years), mother of 2 awesome kids(4 and 6). My mom thinks my issues may have to do with my dad. I love him a lot now, but growing up, my life was hell. I was always the kid that got in trouble for every little thing I did and got hit for it. But if you want to know more on that, then PM me. I am tired...so here is my list I made earlier. Sorry if it seems out of order but I just kept adding as things came to mind:

- I have energy to do things I want to do like cooking or going out to eat but not for cleaning or household things. Am I just lazy?

- I used to get angry frequently but now I get VERY mad over things that never bothered me at all. For example, if my son is taking too long to buckle up, I yell at him because it makes me mad. I have ZERO patience now. I don’t just yell, sometimes I scream at the top of my lungs at my kids.

- There are days when I am just “blah”. I am not sitting there thinking, “I am depressed, I am sad”. I just feel “blah.” I don’t really know what is making me feel this way. I never really feel depressed. I don’t think “woe is me”. I actually have a good life. A roof over my head, a new car, great kids, my husband has a great job as an RN and makes great money. But what do I do? I go to school, take care of the kids, and then feel “blah”. I don’t understand.

- I will sit in my room with the door open (closed sometimes) and let the kids stay in the living room bc almost everything they do pisses me off! I love my kids so much and I hate the way I feel.

- It doesn’t help that my husband doesn’t care. He just says that I am being lazy and blaming my problems on a disease that I do not have. To "talk to someone who knows more about it". Maybe I am just lazy? But why do I blow up at the smallest things now?

- I really do love my husband and kids. I want to be a better wife and mother. I don’t want to lose them.

- I have been having memory issues. All of a sudden, about a month ago, I forget things VERY easily. My husband can ask me something and then ask again 3 minutes later and I have no idea how to answer.

- There are days when it’s hard to get up. I don’t feel sad…I just know that I am not going to be productive and it makes me want to just stay in bed.

- I drink daily. Not during the day but will drink a 12% at night.

- It’s hard for me to go to sleep. I would stay up all night if I didn’t have to take my daughter to school in the mornings. The alcohol helps me go to sleep.

- There are some days (rare, lately) where I will have a lot of energy, get things done, get along great with my husband and kids, just feel happy. I used to have several days a week where I felt this way but for the last month or so, it is rare for me to feel this way. I am just always so angry unless I am doing something I like.

- I took 1000mg/daily of Depakote as a teenager but it was for migraines not depression/anxiety. I stopped taking it when I miscarried a child at 18. I am now 26. Many years before this I tried Paxil ,Luvox, and Prozac. My mom says that Depakote helped me the most even though it was for my migraines.

- I, unconsciously, have social anxiety. I never realized it until my husband brought it to my attention. I won’t talk to waiters unless I am ordering and when I am around other people I find it hard to keep a conversation going and end up saying things that don’t make sense or sound stupid. I also CANNOT look people in eye. It actually hurts me to keep eye contact.

Last edited by Administrator; 01-17-2012 at 12:56 AM.

 
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Old 01-31-2012, 08:59 PM   #2
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Re: what is wrong with me?

Hello JazB.

Your symptoms could be related to things like stress, anxiety and depression. Lacking the energy or interest to get things done and having apathy are possible symptoms of depression. People can be depressed even when they have a good life. It also sounds like you're trapped in a cycle where you want to be a good wife and mother but you feel guilty and doubtful about yourself which may contribute to your angry outbursts.

I hope your visit with your psychiatrist goes good.

 
Old 02-01-2012, 06:35 AM   #3
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Re: what is wrong with me?

---My mom says that Depakote helped me the most even though it was for my migraines.---

It sounds to me like you have Bipolar II as reading the above.

The Depakote working good for Bipolar II that is mostly depression along with angry outbursts and mania. However, Depakote is more for milder form of Bipolar II, then if your Bipolar is in the mid. to severe range, your pdoc. prescribes other, stronger med./med. mix.

 
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Old 02-25-2012, 06:34 AM   #4
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Re: what is wrong with me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tori41 View Post
---My mom says that Depakote helped me the most even though it was for my migraines.---

It sounds to me like you have Bipolar II as reading the above.

The Depakote working good for Bipolar II that is mostly depression along with angry outbursts and mania. However, Depakote is more for milder form of Bipolar II, then if your Bipolar is in the mid. to severe range, your pdoc. prescribes other, stronger med./med. mix.
this is great info, thanks Tori

how are you doing now, jazB?

 
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