I’m not sure if this is the place but it seemed the most likely. This post is more of a vent I think. After reading some other posts in this forum my story seems unimportant in comparison.
It’s been a long time since I’ve thought about my childhood. I’ve been thinking about it a lot the past little while. The more I think about it the more it feels like I’ve repressed most of it for my own wellbeing… to protect myself from feeling what I felt those days so long ago. I don’t know why these memories decided to come flooding back but they did… and it really scared me.
Both my parent worked so off to the babysitters I went. The funny thing is I don’t remember their names, their faces, anything except the time I spent there. In all these memories I was alone. I was likely age 4-6 during these times but I can’t say for sure. It's possible that I was just left alone in the house for hours. All I remember is playing by myself always alone, maybe they just let me do my thing... I duno. I just remember being in some room with some of my toys, I remember a clock and looking at it for hours at a time being sad, trying to pass the time, waiting to get picked up and go home. Walking around the downstairs of the house, not seeing or hearing anyone… I also remember being there in that room crying by myself for hours. I think I remember they had a daughter who went to elementary school who came home for lunches; I remember begging her not to go back after she had eaten lunch because I didn’t want to be alone. I remember being in a room in a dark basement alone with a TV, I watched some show about people in Africa who built some tall tower where the elderly jumped to their death and the young jumped to prove their worth or something. I'm not sure why I was allowed to watch that but I still remember those things like it happened yesterday.
You shouldn't say your story is less important then anyone else's...
Children are very impressionable and need a lot of love and support when they are young.Being isolated like that can do a lot of damage.
I was in a similar boat...abandoned by my mom and dad and lived with my grandparents.Grandfather worked and grandmother slept most of the time.
They were good people,just very old and didn't know what to do with me.
So,it was just me and a tv too for quite a few years...
I remember crying myself to sleep at night wishing I could be with my mom and dad, and feeling unwanted and unloved.On the times when my mom would visit (not often) I would cry and beg her not to leave me.
Eventually I did go to live with my mom years later,but that abandoned feeling never went away.I became somewhat co dependent in relationships because I feared being left and alone.
However,now I'm so used to being alone,that being around people is what feels weird...
Don't minimize your feelings though.Those early ages are important years,
and if not properly nurtured can have a lasting effect.
