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Old 03-30-2012, 05:36 AM   #1
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Question Do I have Bipolar Disorder? Or am I growing up?

Hello, so lately my life has been a complete mess.
(PS; I'm sorry if it's long.)
This all started about one and half year ago, (I'm 16 now, turning 17 in july)

There would be days where I would be depressed, and felt ashamed for being depressed and started to take it out on myself, hurting myself. Cutting or turning to alcohol. I would feel totally hopeless and worthless. I would just feel like a empty/hollow shell and have suicidal thoughts and sleep all day.
Whenever I feel like that, for about 2/3 weeks. I always push people away, I block everyone out. Even my parents.

And then I'd feel energized, excited and ready for new things. Having plans like opening my own business, that I was going to make so much money. The world would suddenly look brighter and full of colour.
I can't help but laugh a lot, act goofy and wanting to run around and jump up and down and those things.
A feeling that I was on top of the world and nothing could ever bring me down. Wanting to hang out with everyone, have fun. Go out and start drinking a lot of alcohol just for fun..

But the problem is, I can't sleep whenever I feel like that. I stay up all night thinking about new plans, ideas and stuff I want to do. Like giving my room a makeover. And it's not only that, I do stupid things like buying expensive stuff with my father's creditcard (which I'm not allowed to do, I'm only 16.)
I feel like it's not a big deal and nothing can go wrong, but after a few weeks I would feel so ashamed and guilty for doing those things. I don't want to do those things, but it seems like I can't help myself. And it's not only buying expensive stuff but more, having feelings like I could knock down a proffesional boxer. Feeling anger and feelings of being the greatest.. (I know, I'm not..)


It feels like a rollercoaster, and I just can't get out. It's confusing.
I sometimes have the feeling that people are staring at me, gossiping about me or laughing at me, sometimes I even feel like that someone keeps following me or planning to trick me.

So I started to do some research, I found out that my mother, grandma, great grandma and aunt all suffered from severe depression, could depression be a hereditary factor?

That explains my depressive moods, I guess. But I just couldn't understand why I would have these hyperactive, extremely happy and optimistic moods.
So, I went through some different online tests and it always ends up with "Bipolar Disorder." I don't know, could this be a part of growing up??

My grades are suffering from this.

Am I Bipolar, do I need to seek for help? Or is this just a part of growing up? I feel like I'm going crazy.

Last edited by KarelKukel; 03-30-2012 at 05:37 AM.

 
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Old 03-30-2012, 06:23 AM   #2
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Re: Do I have Bipolar Disorder? Or am I growing up?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarelKukel View Post
Am I Bipolar, do I need to seek for help? Or is this just a part of growing up? I feel like I'm going crazy.
Hello KarelKukel.

I recommend getting help. Regardless of whether or not you get a bipolar disorder diagnosis, I think you are suffering from problems that warrant getting a doctor and therapist involved. In my opinion, what really matters is you're concerned about your behavior and moods and you know something is wrong. A doctor and therapist may be able to help you devise a treatment strategy for reducing the symptoms you're experiencing.

If you feel comfortable about it, I suggest talking about this with your mother and other relatives to see if they've experienced what you're going through. Maybe they can give you some advice as to what helped them manage their depressive symptoms.

I hope you're feeling better soon.

 
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KarelKukel (03-30-2012)
Old 03-30-2012, 08:09 AM   #3
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Re: Do I have Bipolar Disorder? Or am I growing up?

Hello, thanks for your answer!
I can't really talk to my mother about this, she told me she can't handle my moods and the actions I sometimes take. My grandma and aunt say they only experienced depression and never felt hyperactive, extremely happy and optimistic until their meds, antidepressants. But they just felt normal then but they never felt so hyperactive, extremely happy and optimistic.

Last edited by KarelKukel; 03-30-2012 at 08:12 AM.

 
Old 03-30-2012, 10:13 PM   #4
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Re: Do I have Bipolar Disorder? Or am I growing up?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarelKukel View Post
That explains my depressive moods, I guess. But I just couldn't understand why I would have these hyperactive, extremely happy and optimistic moods.
So, I went through some different online tests and it always ends up with "Bipolar Disorder." I don't know, could this be a part of growing up??

My grades are suffering from this.

Am I Bipolar, do I need to seek for help? Or is this just a part of growing up? I feel like I'm going crazy.
There are two different forms of Bipolar, Bipolar I and Bipolar II. Bipolar I is more severe form of Bipolar, although both Bipolar I and Bipolar II is serious and debiliating mental illness.

Reading your description in detail, sounds like you have Bipolar II which has depressive episode along with manic one. When you are manic, you have hyper-energy and very optistic moods. However, depressive moods comes after manic episodes. It's rollercoaster due to back and forth episodes to deal with.

First, I'd suggest that you'd make an appt. with a good psychiatrist or psycho. therapist working with psychiatrist. You need to find a competent and reputable psychiatrist, because not all psychiatrists are able to diagnose Bipolar appropriately and prescribe a good med. combo.

In regard to 'growing up,' it's impossible, because mental illness runs in the family. Without medications, your Bipolar getting rather down-hill rollcoaster.

 
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KarelKukel (03-31-2012)
Old 04-01-2012, 04:57 PM   #5
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Re: Do I have Bipolar Disorder? Or am I growing up?

Well, it does make sense.. When I was younger, around 6 years I guess. I used to stay up the whole night, I just couldn't sleep so I would make crafts like garlands and hang them all around my room. When I got older I would redecorate my whole room, in the middle of the night. I just thought I needed less sleep than other kids did.
And I remember how I just to think about my own death when I was younger but I thought that was just a phase younger kids go through?

 
Old 04-02-2012, 07:56 AM   #6
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Re: Do I have Bipolar Disorder? Or am I growing up?

Quote:
Originally Posted by KarelKukel View Post
Well, it does make sense.. When I was younger, around 6 years I guess. I used to stay up the whole night, I just couldn't sleep so I would make crafts like garlands and hang them all around my room. When I got older I would redecorate my whole room, in the middle of the night. I just thought I needed less sleep than other kids did.
And I remember how I just to think about my own death when I was younger but I thought that was just a phase younger kids go through?
As you may know, any illinesses do not happen over-nite, particularly mental illness. It takes years to surface and started bothering you.

It sounds like you actually had at age 6 or even at younger age. Now, your mental illness truly started to surface to the point where your grade started sufferring. I believe that because of your grade and rollercoster in the brain, you want to get better and healthy person, in both physical and mentally.

If you'd actually have Bipolar after proper dx with competent psychiatrist, there are many good and effective meds. to control Bipolar, although you might go through 'trials and errors' to find a right med. combo.

I'd suggest you that you could talk to the school counselor if you'd think that the counselor could recommend proper guidance and recommendation.

As stated above, Bipolar is serious mental illness, but it's manageable mental illness with a right med. combo. Once found one, you'd happy and enjoy young life again.

 
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