ADHD? OCD? Nothing? I am very conflicted about what goes on inside my head, esp late at night.
I have rapid, changing thoughts and I seem to always hone in on things in the past (parents' divorce, being poor, body image) even though I am okay now and involved a great new job with loving parents. My mom calls it "my demons" (Not in a religious sense, but she has a history with PMDD, hypothyroidism and depression) and thinks I am too hard on myself and that it has something to do with having a high IQ.. I am no genius but I do tend to look at life in a gestalt manner which can come across as being smart but I think it contributes to my issue. I get really concentrated on how unsatisfied I am with life and things to do with the big picture when I am alone. I have told my older sister it's like whenever I am not entertained by work, parties, or activities I go into a dark place. Sidenote: sister was blindsided that I had a 'dark place', I think I am completely able to get myself out of the dark place if I have to, but it comes back all the time.
I just constantly am compartmentalizing these darker thoughts and pushing them back, and I fear that it's interfering with my social and love life, but no one would ever know that because I am fearful of appearing vulnerable. I find myself looking for bad things in people even when they don't present it and I barely trust men and get anxious in relationships. People would say that I am quite social and a good time, but when I get back to being alone my mind races. I do lots of activities with lots of organizations and people, which seems to help, but I can't put my finger on what's going on but I am just becoming obsessed with this strange sense of resentment and unfulfilledness.
Anyone out there feel even just a tiny bit like me?
To top it all off I know how to look for the hidden agenda in tests so I never feel like I am answering honestly