I am new here...
I found this site after typing in "changing mind all the time bipolar" into google.com. I wanted to see if anyone could help me figure out if I have bipolar based on their own diagnosis or symptoms. I cannot afford to go to the doctor right now, but am really curious what is wrong with me.
I have felt anxious, extremely tired, sensitive, WAY too serious probably since about the age of 14. I am hypersensitive to signs of rejection from others and have always been a little odd, so rejection happens quite often. I know I've suffered from social anxiety for about 20 years also.
Another thing, I change my mind all the time. I am almost 32 years old. Although I have had a lot of potential to succeed, I always shoot myself in the foot. I decide on a course of action for a career only to feel trapped and that it is not for me. I then throw away everything I have worked for only to start a new goal anew. THen before long, the passion and excitement for that endeavor dies as well and I am changing course again. I have no idea why I do this. Maybe it is fear of commitment...
I was involved with alcohol pretty heavily (wouldn't say I was alcoholic) from about the age of 18. I stopped drinking about a month ago because I got a decent job (with uni) and wanted to try living a healthier life.
I am really sensitive to what others think of me. I have a hard time with eye contact. I have periods where I get obsessed with suicide because my life has not turned out well thus far, mainly because of my own actions. If I would have simply picked out a career path at 18 and stuck with it, I could be very well-established by now. Instead, i am living at home with mom and struggling to stay sane.
I feel like my mind tortures me. I feel like it is mostly related to fluctuations in my energy level rather than depression, although maybe depression/anxiety is causing my low energy. After drinking coffee or working out, I think a mile a minute. I also have very bad problems with irritability and anxiety. I like people but sometimes I feel like they're mostly selfish and don't care about anyone else except themselves. I am constantly experiencing negative thoughts. It scares me because I am realizing not much really makes me happy in life.
The reason I think I might have bipolar is because I feel like I am a slave to my moods and they are always changing. I can always force myself out into the world, and a lot of the time I feel better as a result of interacting with others. However, the minute I get home and sit down, it is like the demons come out and I get really fatalistic thinking all over again. It is like I don't learn that this is a cycle and that I am a servant to my moods.
Not sure if this is important info or not, but I am extremely thirsty all the time and have weird blood sugar. Three different docs said my tests all turned out fine. I know when I am thirsty, which is almost all the time, my mood goes down the drain.
Does this sound familiar to anyone? Does it sound like bipolar? Any insight you may have would be really very much appreciated. Thank you ...