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Old 07-30-2012, 09:21 PM   #1
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Unhappy PLEASE HELP, need some insight, need to figure out what's causing all of my symptoms.

So first of all mental illness runs in both sides of my family. 3 uncles have/have had problems with substance abuse, depression and other similar disorders. My dad's twin brother is schizophrenic, my dad is very anti social. My cousins also have problems with depression, substance abuse, anxiety, hell bipolar is somewhere in the family, alcoholism, and one grandparent suffered early dementia. Oh and my mother had epilepsy until she was in her late 30s. So there's some family history, I guess my point is I'm susceptible to a lot of sh*t.

SO.

When I was 14 I was diagnosed with anxiety, after I started getting spontaneous panic attacks that occurred mostly when I was in bed trying to sleep. They came and went for a few years til I turned 16 (18 now) and the pattern turned into very single night.

My schooling suffered from then onwards. I never attended a full week normally taking 2-4 days off, struggled to pass every year level and in year 11 I ended up dropping out all together. Same thing happened at every job. When something goes wrong at work I get dizzy and start hyperventilating. So I've stopped going to work for the moment. Old job that didn't happen but I have had problems with picking everything up fast, making me look dumb.

Now looking back I can see that it could have been depression. I think that came from my then boyfriend, who was depressed and emotionally abusive.



So after some background history of my anxiety and possible depressive factors, here's some of my symptoms.

- Mood shifts (angry for no reason, excitable and full of energy, then bored, then sad, then numb... most of the time I just feel 'eh' though)
- Compulsive skin picking (toenails, face, lips, scalp, feet.. anything)
- Social isolation (I have never had large amounts of friends, and being around people for too long makes me very uncomfortable but being alone makes me feel uncomfortable as well.)
- constantly feeling guilty over everything (I go to extreme lengths to make other people happy, because I feel like I have to. I force myself to do it, I don't like it though.)
- Not feeling like I am capable of working or learning
- Panic attacks (hyperventilating and feeling unreal, plus I lose the ability to form tangible sentences)
- Feelings of disconnection
- I've got no goals. I don't know what to do with my life.
- Problems making tiny decisions like which chocolate bar I want to eat
- When I go shopping I get episodes where I get lost and everything starts looking like a dream (I had an episode of this happen when I was 7 years old, but this only just started happening. Used to have dreams of floating when I was young)
- Self harm (on and off through years.)
- Irritability (To a point where without self control, I would throw my laptop across the room for freezing. This is a very very uncomfortable feeling, and causes me to take out that anger when I am alone by breaking objects that bother me. Unhealthy.)
- Emotional numbness (In comparison to when I used to over-feel)
- Lack of appetite.
- strange thoughts and obsessive behaviour.
- A feeling of being able to 'change' how I feel with my mind temporarily.. almost feels like I'm getting into character for social interactions.
- Paranoid that other people aren't who they portray themselves as

I'm just scared, I don't want to feel like this anymore, I'm not suicidal but I don't get real pleasure out of anything, my life feels wrong, my feelings don't feel like they match me, my thoughts feel like they hide from my conscious mind all the time, I hate this. I want to be happy but I don't know where to start I just want to be able to function like a normal human being

I feel terrible for my boyfriend who feels like he has to walk on eggshells around me, I just don't know what's going on. Help me.

Also I'm on 15 mg of Lexapro daily, 1 mg of Xanax before bed, and for when I have really bad anxiety, Oxazepam 15 mg x2 a day. It eases the feelings of anxiety and let's me breathe, but that's about all.

Last edited by Rach4149; 07-30-2012 at 09:50 PM.

 
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Old 07-30-2012, 09:25 PM   #2
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Re: PLEASE HELP, need some insight, need to figure out what's causing all of my sympt

Basically I don't feel as though my symptoms are all of just anxiety, and I want to get some others opinions as my doctor just says "You stress, you relax, you feel better." and my psychologist refuses to work with me when I try and get some insights out of her. Because I'm not the angry violent type, but I want to be, but my social fears of judgement won't let me express my real self.

 
Old 02-02-2013, 01:23 PM   #3
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LithiumZeppelin HB User
Re: PLEASE HELP, need some insight, need to figure out what's causing all of my sympt

Hey Rach,

Every single one of your symptoms-I've had them! Matter of fact, you are describing me/old me. How old are you? I'm actually diagnosed with bipolar I. I'm a classic case -as my psychiatrist said. I ask about age because I didn't start to show definite, undeniable bipolar symptoms until I was 19, which is typical. Before that, it showed up as severe depression with short euphoric up-swings. I would have to know your age before I can give advice, because it can go 2 different ways...if you're older than 20ish, then you may not be bipolar. I know you didn't ask specifically about bipolar disorder, but it's important to know whether you have unipolar or bipolar depression because they are treated VERY DIFFERENTLY. I can say this because I know how certain medicines can "accidentally" give a bipolar diagnosis...anyway let me know your age and I can help :) I'm pretty damn educated on depression and bipolar disorder and know what I'm talking about. Plus, my fiance is an MD, so I have some extra insight ;)

 
Old 02-04-2013, 06:54 AM   #4
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melixx28 HB User
Re: PLEASE HELP, need some insight, need to figure out what's causing all of my sympt

Rach4149, I too feel very similar to you. When I read your symptoms almost all of them described me. Maybe you should consider talking to the doctor who prescribed your medication. They may have some insight as to what to do. Or maybe you should consider getting a second opinion from another doctor on what your dealing with. You could even print out the symptoms you wrote down if you feel comfortable and tell them what you feel. I myself am 20 years old and am struggling to keep a job and go to school. I have no idea where I'm going in life or what I'm doing. Today I plan on seeing my doctor because of how numb and confused I feel. I hope things can get better for you soon.

 
Old 02-04-2013, 03:08 PM   #5
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notmyillness HB User
Re: PLEASE HELP, need some insight, need to figure out what's causing all of my sympt

Hello, I recognize your symptoms...I've had them. I tried Lexapro and it didn't scratch the surface. My whole family walked on eggshells around me. I have really messed up relationships and burned bridges. Possibly consider a new psychatrist ( its okay to change when your not happy with a dr or they are not giving you the help you feel like you need)
Just please keep seeking help and keep seeking support.

Last edited by notmyillness; 02-04-2013 at 03:20 PM. Reason: saw her answer..she already has a psych dr

 
Old 02-04-2013, 03:11 PM   #6
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notmyillness HB User
Re: PLEASE HELP, need some insight, need to figure out what's causing all of my sympt

Hello, Im so sorry your feeling like this, its really good that you can recognize them and list them. I recognize your symptoms...I've had them. I tried Lexapro and it didn't scratch the surface. My whole family walked on eggshells around me. I have really messed up relationships and burned bridges. Possibly consider asking your Dr to referring you to a place to be evaluated ...be honest list all the symptoms you did here. Copy, past, print.
Just please seek help beyond your regular physician. Good luck. Please post what happens.

 
Old 02-04-2013, 03:16 PM   #7
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notmyillness HB User
Re: PLEASE HELP, need some insight, need to figure out what's causing all of my sympt

Rach,
Its okay to change psychiatrist , when they are not getting you the help you feel like you need.

 
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