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Old 08-02-2012, 11:49 PM   #1
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Is something mentally not right with me?

I want to ask you guys on here your opinion, but at the same time I don't want you guys to end up reading paragraphs about my life. To sum it up, I have depression. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder my sophomore year of high school. I've always have had trouble keeping friends and freeing away from my shyness. Now I am going into my second year of college and feel as if nothing has been accomplished to help with my mental health. I've been seen by 5 therapist (including my current one), 2 school social workers, and 1 psychiatrist.

I went away to college my first semester and did horribly. Then I came home for second semester and went to community college and again did horribly. I tried getting a job and got "let go" by two places without notice (pinkberry & chipotle) because I had an anxiety attack at both training. My only source of income is through babysitting.I've been avoiding my friends and not hanging out with them. I've done this all throughout high school. I ignore my phone and try to avoid social settings I know they may be at (the mall, etc). I don't know why but, I just feel so anxious to be with them especially when I've been feeling depressed. But I think my parents are very worried. All I want to be is a normal 19 year old, and enjoy my life. The only time I ever enjoy myself is if I'm drinking or smoking weed. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I spend nights just awake online and stay up until the next day. If I see a friend or someone I know in public I always tense up too.


** To sum it up, I am on Lexapro 20 mg and Buspar 20 mg. I see my therapist every so often. For some reason I feel like I could possibly have bipolar, borderline personality, or something else. Any help or suggestions? **

Last edited by melixx28; 08-02-2012 at 11:50 PM.

 
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Old 08-03-2012, 12:31 AM   #2
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Re: Is something mentally not right with me?

Are these 2 meds the only ones you've been on? It seems that the anxiety/depression is not responding and a change may be needed. I would discuss your concerns with your psychiatrist and not give up that you'll find the right medication(s) to help you. It sometimes takes trying several and takes time to get the doses right, so keep working on it and try not to isolate yourself, which makes it all worse.

 
Old 08-03-2012, 07:30 AM   #3
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Re: Is something mentally not right with me?

I'm sorry that you feel the way you do. I agree with the PP, I don't think the anxiety meds is cutting it. I think maybe your doc can put you on a higher dose. And I also think isolating yourself isn't good for you. Maybe you'd benefit from going out and enjoying yourself. What makes you tense up when you're around people? Like what triggers it? Are you afraid they'll judge you? Or talk bad about you? Or you'll say or do something that will embarrass you? What exactly goes through your mind when it's happening?

I have a history of depression and anxiety as well so I can understand. There are days where I don't wanna be seen in public. I don't wanna be around anyone, not even family members. And there are days I find myself crying for no apparent reason. I don't take anything for it though. I'm glad you got out and got yourself help. Don't give up and please don't think there's something "wrong" with you. There are MANY people with anxiety and depression and they are completely NORMAL.
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Old 08-03-2012, 04:32 PM   #4
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Re: Is something mentally not right with me?

Thank you to both of you guys. Yeah I think I need to talk to my medication manager at my next appointment about this. I'm just honestly tired of medication now. I've been trying different combinations for four years and I can't believe I still haven't found the right thing. Previous things I've been on include wellbutrin sr and zoloft, which didn't do well for me. Well, Wellbutrin did work good, but I started getting seizures as a side effect. Hopefully my medication manager (aprn) can talk to the psychiatrist who diagnosed me to see if anything else can be done. Do you guys think I should see a new psychiatrist as a second opinion?

In response to Chrissy26, I feel like I really have trouble just being around friends when I'm depressed and anxious. I don't like them seeing it. Sadly I only have about 3 friends who I just talked to yesterday for the first time in months. They had to come to my house late at night and scare me to get me to talk to them. I was happy I saw them, but I felt bed because I have been ignoring them for so long. I didn't even wish a friend happy birthday because I thought she didn't want to talk to me anymore. Sometimes also I just want to be left alone. My small group of friends like always hanging out with each other multiple times a week, but I just don't like that. I hate when my friendships get too close. If I'm hanging out with friends for a long period of time for many days at a time, I get so annoyed. Hopefully when I see my therapist next week she can help me out.

 
Old 08-04-2012, 07:00 AM   #5
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Re: Is something mentally not right with me?

It's possible you do need another psychologist.

As for getting annoyed when you see people a little too much, that's completely normal. I am the same way and so my mom is too. But it seems to me you worry a lot hat people think and you really shouldn't. I know it's sort of out of your control but hopefully the meds will help you with that. Your friends must care about you a lot for them to come by at night to get you to talk to them. That's a good thing and I hope you hold on to them. Lean on them when you're going through something. Don't make the mistake of shutting them out. They're there for you for a reason.
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Old 08-04-2012, 07:09 AM   #6
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Re: Is something mentally not right with me?

It's possible you do need another psychologist.

As for getting annoyed when you see people a little too much, that's completely normal. I am the same way and so my mom is too. But it seems to me you worry a lot hat people think and you really shouldn't. I know it's sort of out of your control but hopefully the meds will help you with that. Your friends must care about you a lot for them to come by at night to get you to talk to them. That's a good thing and I hope you hold on to them. Lean on them when you're going through something. Don't make the mistake of shutting them out. They're there for you for a reason.
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