Is something mentally not right with me?
I want to ask you guys on here your opinion, but at the same time I don't want you guys to end up reading paragraphs about my life. To sum it up, I have depression. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder my sophomore year of high school. I've always have had trouble keeping friends and freeing away from my shyness. Now I am going into my second year of college and feel as if nothing has been accomplished to help with my mental health. I've been seen by 5 therapist (including my current one), 2 school social workers, and 1 psychiatrist.
I went away to college my first semester and did horribly. Then I came home for second semester and went to community college and again did horribly. I tried getting a job and got "let go" by two places without notice (pinkberry & chipotle) because I had an anxiety attack at both training. My only source of income is through babysitting.I've been avoiding my friends and not hanging out with them. I've done this all throughout high school. I ignore my phone and try to avoid social settings I know they may be at (the mall, etc). I don't know why but, I just feel so anxious to be with them especially when I've been feeling depressed. But I think my parents are very worried. All I want to be is a normal 19 year old, and enjoy my life. The only time I ever enjoy myself is if I'm drinking or smoking weed. What is wrong with me? Sometimes I spend nights just awake online and stay up until the next day. If I see a friend or someone I know in public I always tense up too.
** To sum it up, I am on Lexapro 20 mg and Buspar 20 mg. I see my therapist every so often. For some reason I feel like I could possibly have bipolar, borderline personality, or something else. Any help or suggestions? **
Last edited by melixx28; 08-03-2012 at 12:50 AM.