Relationship with a rape victim
Me and my girlfriend have known each other for about 6 months and have been officially dating for a couple weeks, we have been sexually active early in our official relationship and the other day the topic of virginity came up. I am 22 and I lost my virginity to her, She told me that I am the first person she has ever willingly been with however she was raped by a previous boyfriend.
The way she told me was fast and with a straight face, almost like it didn't really bother her but I feel like she feels ashamed about it and wanted the topic to shift quickly. So I let it. But I have very mixed and confused feelings about it.
About 15% of my feelings are for somewhat selfish reasons. More specifically, because I could have been her first but instead it was someone who forced himself on her. and 85% is the fact that I genuinely care for this girl and it reminds me that there was a time where I couldn't protect her. Please don't get me wrong I have absolutely no negative feelings towards my girlfriend, I still adore her.
I really want to talk to her about it let her know how I feel, and ask her questions. I want to know things like how many times it happened, Why she stayed in such an abusive relationship, etc... But I'm smart enough to know that these kinds of questions are uncomfortable and possibly horrifying. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up...
I feel like I really need to talk to someone about it, in fact it gave me nightmares last night in which I hunted down her previous boyfriend (whom I know absolutely nothing about) please help